Dressed to Cuddle

Broken CPU Pin? I FIXED IT.

2011-08-04T14:30:00.001-07:00

So I ordered new RAM for my desktop. To install it, I had to remove my huge CPU heatsink. I own a Zalman CNPS10X 120mm, which, for any PC building enthusiasts out there, is a moderately sized heatsink. For laymen, it’s huge. It looks like a metal brick in the corner of my PC box. It’s a bit of a chore to take it out, but an upgrade is an upgrade, and it had to be done.

For an AMD CPU mount, specifically an AM3 socket, there’s a black frame around the socket itself on the motherboard. The bracket that attaches the heatsink to the motherboard is just a band of steel that uses resistance to stay on, with two loops at either end of the black frame as hooks. I popped this off and pulled the heatsink off, and the CPU chip came with it. Oh snap, not good.

The thermal paste was so stuck on that it had yanked the chip from the socket. I panicked a bit, and carefully pried the CPU from the heatsink, gray glue all over my fingers. I took a look at the CPU and it seemed fine, so I put my new RAM in, replaced the CPU, heatsink, wires, and turned it on.

Didn’t post. My heart started to race.

I unplugged everything, took off the heatsink, took out the RAM, and examined all the hardware. Everything seemed fine, and I started to do RAM musical chairs to see if I had gotten some bad sticks. It didn’t seem to be that, and then my heart sank at the notion that meandered across my mind. The CPU.

I have an AM3 Phenom II 965 Quad-core processor; at the time that I bought it, it was over $200. It’s honestly a really good processor and has never given me any trouble, but right there and then, I pretty much just gut-punched it by accident.

I took off the heatsink and looked at the processor. There was a bent pin. NOOOOOOOO.

I tell myself, “I can fix it, just a bent pin. No biggie.”

I took some eyeglass screwdrivers and started fiddling with it, pushing it carefully here and there, and then my hand slipped and the pin snapped.

I broke the most miniscule little bit of metal off the most important piece of hardware in a computer. I died.

I stared at the CPU, my hands against the sides of my head. It took my five minutes to muster up the mental faculties to even think.

I suddenly had a stroke of inspiration. I went to a closet in my house and found an old VGA cable. I yanked out a pin from it with some needle-nose pliers. I counted the pins on the CPU chip to the vacant spot where the pin was. Then I counted the pinholes in the motherboard to the exact location of the essential pin. I shoved the VGA pin into that pinhole, carefully replaced the CPU, heatsink, wires, and turned it on.

POSTED.

I am PRO. :D

I honestly can say I didn’t think it’d work.

EDIT:

I JUST found this. Apparently, Linus had the same EXACT thing happen and he made a video of it. Pretend he's a blood elf and you've basically got my situation. :P

YouTube Video, GO: 4.2! Part 1

2011-06-30T14:34:00.001-07:00

O: Check out parts 2, 3, and so on and so forth as they come out on my YouTube Page!

Like I said, best thing about 4.2

2011-06-28T19:29:00.001-07:00

Look at Old Crap, Become a Professor

2011-06-16T00:19:00.000-07:00

Hey, guess what.

After the long and arduous grind of sifting through old bullshit people left behind, I've acquired what most haven't: the certified ability to teach at a post-secondary institution.

Here's my rap sheet for the blues and purps:

Sad thing, probably only three of those are gonna see the light of day. Oh well. At least I got my title, which I'm retiring Loremaster for. I figure, in a more applicable sense, all that I've been through to get the Loremaster title, I can now say I teach it.

Get your felt-tip pens ready, ladies. You gonna be writing "love you" on your eyelids for this warlock. Got the D.A.D.A. position at Dalaran University.

Stupid People: Fartzapper

2011-06-11T14:25:00.000-07:00

'Sup.

Been a while since I've dicked around with people, and since I've been playing with Äsclepius more, I've REALLY dicked around more than usual. For those of you who aren't privvy first hand, Äsclepius trolls you. That said, allow me to lay the scene.

I'm tanking on One, waiting for 'Pius (pronounced "Pious," but I say "Peeus") to show up, so I decided to level via insta-queue, catch up a bit because he was ahead in the bars. At 83 and 84, you've got two choices for instances: Bonercore or Vortex Testicle. I get Testicle, and it's already up to Puff, the Magic Dragon. Brilliant.

I'm with a Mage, a Priest, a DK, and Fartzapper, an Elemental Shaman, who, at the time of writing this and seeing his armory, has six items that give Agility, two items that give Strength, and an Intellect headpiece that has an Attack Power and Resilience enchant.

Mm. This is already awesome.

We down Puff, surf the jetstream, and I start marking. I take a gander at recount as markers go up. Farts is pulling about 1200 DPS. I quietly give him the benefit of the doubt.

Mage gets Moon, Shaman gets Panties; I don't really trust some pug Priest healer that isn't 'Pius to MC the Adept. I announce in party what each marker means. CC pulls, I pull off, but Panties is still walking around. The Minister of Air is annoying. He's got a green thong on his head and he's lobbing electricity like he's Tesla for a good five seconds before the priest, who wasn't told what to do, who is also healing, MC's the Minister and tosses him off the side for relief. The Elemental shaman is meleeing. I get a whisper from the mage before the next pull.

I promise that Rift article is coming. Anyway, after I reassign duties properly and everyone BUT the shaman rolls like a pro, I engage in a bit of conversation.

Hey, you never know. I'm not gonna call someone bad if they're just distracted. And if they're constantly distracted, like Repello always is, then yeah, I'm gonna call him or her a baddie. Kids, don't be a Repello.

Farties replies.

My issue? Buddy, you are my issue. I will not suffer a lazy toddler. Carry you? Fuck your mother.

Stars are up next, know what he does to try and make up for shit DPS? Earth Elemental Totem, GO!

I don't understand. HELP ME UNDERSTAND YOU. No? K, next pull. No Hex, I'm not gonna ask you to look through your spell book. Not gonna educate you on how to play your class. Not my job. I am curious though. After a pull, noticing that myself, the DK, the Mage, and even the Priest show up on the recount, I inquire further.

Kinda understood what you said. Not really.

"Let's just go"?! Peanut gallery's restless. Seriously, have we gotten to this? I'd have thought, with the advent of the new expansion, we'd have gotten back to humbler roots; I was under the assumption that the somewhat-harder-than-Lich-King content would do away with the loosely supported arrogance. Here's Farts though, proving my assumptions wrong, talking big without even a foot to stand on.

So we kill the last group of stars and I give it a shot.

Apparently the group isn't with me. You uninvolved prats. Thanks for making me lose more faith in humanity. Asaad goes down easy; the shaman even knows to get in the triangle, which tells me he's done this before and has been carried quite often. He proceeds to be a fully-realized fucktard.

Captured Lightning, by conventional standards, is a healing trinket. Pretty sure he doesn’t need Billowing Cape, unless I missed something in Caster 101. I query his intentions.

Perhaps now, since the instance is over, I'll get a fairly straight forward, reasonable answer.

Lemme fix that for you. What you should have said was, "I LIKE BLUE, IT'S MY FAVORITE COLOR." I would have accepted that, thanked you for your time, and wished you luck in all your endeavors, both in game and IRL, as it's so very difficult for those who are headfucked by a serrated dildo to fit in with normal society.

I know, I know. I could have laid into the guy. Could have left him writhing in agony; could have left him cut with a scathing remark or some witty repartee to turn his teeth inside out and make him wish he really was playing Rift (God help him). But no. Went with the poke and bolted. I could tell, deep down, that dry puss was feverishly banging at the keyboard, raging like the anonymity doth allow him, and I honestly just wanted to ding, so getting out of there was priority number one for me.

In any case, I want you out there, my few and loyal readers, to pay him a visit on his fair Darrowmere. Ask him, sincerely, what the flying urethra fuck is he doing with Strength gear. Ask him nicely though. Then tell him to check out DressedtoCuddle.com. :)

Seriously, the Only 4.2 Change I'm Looking Forward To:

2011-05-05T00:28:00.000-07:00

Finally.

4.2 Needs to Piss People Off

2011-04-30T05:33:00.000-07:00

Gonna be honest here, I think the game maaay be peaking. Or at least getting really close. I'm seeing less guildies signing up for raids, hell, less guildies signing on at all; there was a tumbleweed rolling back and forth in the AH today, and most people I've asked to go to ZA and ZG with me just went, "eh." I pugged Stonecore the other day and I heard crickets, fucking CRICKETS CHURPING when Slabhide was supposed to appear. THE BOSS WAS SCRIPTED TO APPEAR AND HE WASN'T EVEN THERE. Probably playing Rift or something on Steam.

I've seen it written about on other sites already through the years. Everything that takes commitment to enjoy peaks, as will WoW one day. So, Blizz, this modest Warlock implores you, in the upcoming patch:

That's right. I fucking said it. Kill him. Kill him really super hard. From a very objective and confident standpoint, I hope he dies and never comes back. I hope his voice is silent in the annals of Warcraft lore, I hope he will still be decomposing a year from now, and I hope we never fucking see him alive again.

Now why the hell would I want something like that? He was my Warchief for years. YEARS. I fought, bled, and died for him on a regular basis. I still fight for him now in hopes that he'll slap the shit our of Garrosh and take his rightful place as leader of the Horde, or make Saurfang Warchief (dear Lord, please). He has been an unwaivering hero through the toughest times Azeroth has ever faced, and despite all the hardships he's been through, he's shown such esteemed valor, strength, and fortitude. He has lead as an example to all, and for fuck's sake, do I want him to die so bad.

I'm going to comic-book nerd it up now. Just so you're prepared. Remember when Superman died? Obviously someone like him, as iconic as he is, could never die. But he did, and it was good. Then he came back AND THE STATUS QUO WAS REESTABLISHED. Captain America was shot after Civil War. Did he stay dead? NO, BECAUSE OF SOME DEUS EX SHIT. Uhh, he's actually been transported through space and time BULLSHIT. Fucking dick writers. Oh, and Batman in Final Crisis? Darkseid lasers him DEAD. Does he stay dead? NO, ASSHOLE TRAVELS THROUGH TIME AND OPENS A COMPANY WHERE HE MAKES AN ARMY OF PISSED OFF ORPHANS. Well, not really, but yeah. Didn't stay dead.

Point is, when a hero, who is part of an epic story, dies, he or she is capable of coming back because the universe is so big that anything is possible.

No.

Fucking. No.

Here it is, Blizz. This is your one shot. Shock the gaming world AND MAKE THE FUCKING DEAD STAY DEAD. Aerith Gainsborough this shit with a Masamune. Seriously. Too many times have we faced evil and overcame it. Every challenge you've pitted against us, we've not only conquered, but destroyed. There have been numerous, seemingly ridiculous attempts at decimating the shit out of Azeroth, and have we saved it every time? Yeah, we have, and even in one expansion, pretty effortlessly. There comes a time when we need to make a mistake, when we need to learn; there needs to be a moment when we fall so hard that it does nothing but place pain, anguish, and suffering so deeply in our hearts that we have no better respite than to FUCKING FIGHT THAT MUCH HARDER.

I want his memory to lead as an example. I want him to be regarded by both Horde and Alliance as a fighter for all that is good and just in our world. I want us to stop finding a crutch to tangibly fight behind and just believe in ourselves.

Thrall needs to die and stay dead. Our universe has never known defeat or failure against pure evil. It's time to lose so that we can take a step back, humble ourselves, then keep moving forward.

Maybe his death (and his keeping to the whole dead thing, not coming back, and really being super dead) will create what Blizzard needs to keep the franchise going, rather than monthly panderings and hotfix rollercoasters.

We don't need a new system of finding guilds, tracking NPCs, or modifications to talent trees. We need to start worrying. We need to get piss.

Blizz, I want you to kick me square in the nuts. Kill him and never let him come back.

Warlock Pet Genders, huh?

2011-04-16T01:01:00.000-07:00

Zarhym better be fucking pandering. You kidding me? I don't want to see an Imp with boobs, I don't want to have a bondage Incubus following me around, I don't want to see my Big Blue with two C-Cup Blues vaporiously floating in front of her, I don't want to EVER see a female Doomguard, and there can't be seriously genders for an Infernal or a Felhound.

A girl Felguard, that's fine by me, BUT THAT'S WHERE I DRAW THE FUCKING LINE.

Like a Week-old Baguette

2011-04-02T18:29:00.000-07:00

Only I'm not so French, mon ami.

So you're probably thinking, "Seriously, Oath, what the flying fucking shit. You've made promises and said things and done things and...no, you know what, fuck it, I hate you. I hate you right here, deep in the cockles. So much. So fucking much. WHERE'VE YOU BEEN, ASSHOLE?! You were funny, and entertaining, maybe even so slightly informative, but to get right down to it, we're sick and fucking tired of you not writing!"

Now, if you're not thinking that, thanks for being slightly considerate! I will not make any elaborate excuses as to my whereabouts, nor will I attempt to promise anything in terms of writing topics or dates from here on out.

I will say simply, as to the nature of my absence, that I've been busy. That said, I want to share a fairly general philosophy I carry with me and try to apply to most of what I do: there is a distinct difference to finding time for something and making time for something.

I will make time. That, I can promise.

Also, I have a YouTube account now! Yeah, now you'll be getting Fraps videos of me playing not only WoW, but a plethora of other games! Hopefully it'll urge more in the way of writing, but like I said, no promises on that. Articles will come when they do.

So check out D2C@youtube.com for all my digital exploits!

Thanks for checking in, if you do, and I hope to fulfill your future cuddling needs.

PS. Wartenx, get back to me. Your free shit is collecting dust.

I call her "Proud Mary"

2010-12-02T03:53:00.000-08:00

Thanks Gobbies. I dig your neat toys so far. :)

Bilgewater Cartel? We're Totally Bros.

2010-11-26T03:11:00.000-08:00

EXCITE TRIKE.

The end is so very effing nigh

2010-11-23T13:58:00.000-08:00

The ground beneath them rumbles, and each one takes their respective places to prepare for the changes that have been foretold.

Cartwright, a strong-willed and aspiring shaman, stands upon the threshold of Orgrimmar. Much change has come in the last few days to his people and the Horde; Cartwright learned of Thrall’s self-bestowed quest to face the elemental threat, leaving Garrosh Hellscream in charge. Cartwright had never been fond of the son of Grommash, and despite all attempts to enlist with the Earthen Ring, the young shaman was denied, as he lacked the formidable aptitude to join. He knows the time has come to make his choice: enter these gates and relinquish his freedom to the tyrant-to-be, or leave, never to return, seeking his purpose elsewhere and at his own volition, gaining what he can of what's left of the shattering world beneath his feet as he prepares to join the Earthen Ring. Cartwright stands at the gates, feeling the earth quake beneath him.

Qi, the taciturn assassin, sits on a step of a short flight of stairs down Murder Row of Silvermoon. With a sharpening stone, she works at the blade of a dagger. There’s a nick, where an Alliance sword had met her parry. She runs the stone across the forged steel, methodically and with great care. A tremble from the ground beneath her causes her hand to go astray, pushing hard against the grain. The blade nearly snaps, but she’s quick to move her hand just in time to avoid causing undue pressure upon the metal. The point digs into her wrist with her movement, and as blood runs down the hilt, Qi neither howls nor panics, but calmly lifts the blade out and sheaths it. She quickly bandages the wound. Later, she thinks to herself, she could find a dummy to practice on, maybe recuperate through fighting. She looks to her side at the sheath with the nicked dagger. The blade is flawed, which she’d have to live with, as blades do come and go. It’ll serve her well enough in her next fight with the Alliance, thinking of her battles to come in Tol Barad. The stories of the place came across the seas and lands, and her appetite for a good fight will be sated. She looks to her other dagger, sheathed, and pulls it from its holding. Blood covers it from point to hilt. While the other had the nick, this one met its mark. She wouldn’t clean it, she thought. If one isn’t perfect, best to leave the other as it is.

Oneironaut, paladin of the Light, paces back and forth in Farstriders’ Square. He has lived a life full of purpose and camaraderie, helping and serving any wherever he was needed. Now, feeling change in the air, he cannot fathom a rightful place for himself. What is he to do, now that his brothers and sisters in arms have taken to their own adventures? Only recently has he returned to Warsong Gulch to reclaim the ground he lost so long ago, and even that, as satisfying as battle can be, is still not the same as it once was when he was new to the world. His armor, mismatched in style and purpose, tells of past exploits and adventures of which he holds a great fondness for. Now, as the ground shakes, cracks spider-webbing across the fine buildings and stonework floor, he takes a knee. The time will come when he will be needed once more by his friends. For now, he prays.

Wash, executive-underboss-assistant-manager-in-training to the esteemed and highly respected (only at face value, of course) Trade Prince Gallywix, dances the night away. His shuffle is legendary among the goblins of Kezan, and at his party, celebrating nothing in particular, he shows his party goers what this groove is all about. The ground trembles beneath his feet, and for a brief moment, each goblin in attendance pauses to collect themselves. Far in the distance, a massive explosion is heard; running outside, goblins set their gaze on the not-so-dormant Mount Kajaro. Lava spews from its maw, the ground shakes and buildings begin to collapse. Sirens can be heard across the island, as can Gallywix’s voice. He demands money in return for a safe passage off the island. Wash debates his options: go to a bank and withdraw everything, closing all accounts and cashing in all his stocks; get a gun and start robbing houses and other goblins, then head to the bank and rob that; or start swimming. The lava has reached his home and has begun to burn the foundation, and Wash knows, at that very moment, the fun of the next few moments depends on how much he could steal.

Oathbreaker, Loremaster and well-rounded brigand, screams in the face of an already dead corpse. Since his exile from Orgrimmar for accidentally burning down the Auction House, he took to the wilderness and found a knack in killing off small Alliance settlements for fun. The citizens of Southshore never knew such terror and few understood what pain truly felt like until the warlock visited that morning. Magistrate Maleb’s left leg is missing, and all he can do, as he tries dragging his battered husk with one functional arm across the splintered wood of the burning town hall, is look on as Oathbreaker demands a dead guard the whereabouts of a competent tailor to fix the seam of his robe, which he calls a “man dress.” The ground trembles violently, and a timber beam falls on Maleb, killing him instantly. Oathbreaker’s attention turns to a tremendous noise outside of the town hall. Dropping the dead guard, he runs outside, bearing witness to a tidal wave bigger than Black Temple itself. He summons a Demon Portal down, hoping that wherever he may be once the wave hits, he could just poof back to safety. He begins to cackle uncontrollably at nothing in particular. He stands at the end of everything, hoping that the water, devastating as it appears to be, is at least relatively warm.

Remembering the Fallen

2010-11-11T13:35:00.000-08:00

First off, my apologies for being absent for so long, I never wanted to take this much time off from something I love and care about, but real life sometimes gets in the way. Expect things in the future, and Wartenx, I got you bro, I’ll talk with you this weekend. On to the post.

Today is Veterans’ Day here in America; it’s a day in which all US citizens take the time to remember the military veterans who have served the United States. There used to be importance for this day, but I still see people working and going about their daily lives. Several of my students didn’t know what the day was intended for. It’s sad to think that a day rooted in the ideals and beliefs of our country could be met with such ignorance, even such disdain.

World of Warcraft has the Harvest Festival, celebrated very briefly for a week in late September, and the idea behind it is just the same: remember the fallen. In that week, players can honor the spirits of soldiers past who wander the gates outside their major city, either Orgrimmar or Ironforge, for their respective faction. There is also a brief quest, in which the Horde honors Grom Hellscream in Ashenvale and the Alliance honors Uther the Lightbringer in Western Plaguelands, placing an offering at either’s monument. I recall a year or two ago when a few of my friends had done the quest, but complained severely that there wasn’t an achievement.

IRL or in Azeroth, our soldiers serve, but tend to be forgotten or unappreciated.

Growing up, my Uncle Terry has always been a close relative and a father figure. He reminds me of Bo Duke, with his southern drawl and charm. I used to watch John Wayne movies in the den with him and the rest of the family. His son and daughter have been my surrogate brother and sister since diapers (I’m an only child). I always knew my uncle had served, though I was never privy to what extent and under what circumstances. He was a marine assigned to a particular battleship during Vietnam, and as far as any of us were concerned, he had a good ol’ time just smoking and drinking, and then he came home. It wasn’t until I started working with veterans at an assisted living facility a couple years ago that I understood.

Uncle Terry and my aunt came down that summer, wanting to see what we were up to. He came by the ALF to see me work, not realizing there were veterans. He started making conversation, quietly at first, asking tiny questions. “What was your rank?” “Army? Navy?” “Did you know this guy in this platoon?” At first, I didn’t think anything of it, just military guys talking military. A few times Uncle Terry had to go out and smoke, which usually never took more than three minutes, but while he was at the ALF with me, he took fifteen minute breaks. I would check on him and see a few of his Marlboro butts by his feet. The end of the day, he got to talking with the VA benefits rep, and came to find they both had served as marines during the same tour, just stationed down the river from each other in Vietnam. As they were talking, I found that, in retrospect, it was the hardest conversation I have ever stood witness to.

My Uncle Terry sleeps an average of five hours every night, and has done so ever since I’ve known him. I never knew it was because his company was under fire, and the sound of bullets in the brush kept him up at night. I didn’t know he heard things, conversations down the hall or his name being called out by voices that don’t exist anymore. He avoided certain smells, scents that triggered memories that would excuse him from dinner tables and get-togethers so he could go into another room to collect himself. I never knew he would catch himself staring off into the distance, forgetting his task at hand. I had no idea he served three tours, one of which so his brother wouldn’t have to.

When the day was over and we went home, I talked with my uncle; I told him that I loved him, but I also told him thank you.

Whether you know it or not, hell, whether you care or you don’t, you have your liberties because of our soldiers. The ideals, beliefs, and intentions behind war are moot, for on this day we honor the selfless and the heroes. The reasons do not matter, only the action. If you observe Veterans’ Day, Remembrance Day, or Armistice Day in your respective country and you happen upon a former soldier, tell them thank you. You don’t have to believe in a damn thing or advocate why we fight, but be gracious to those who have fought for you and for all of us.

To anyone who has served or is serving in the military, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I am by no means a patriot, nor do I believe in everything my government does, but because of you, I love my country. Thank you.

Brief Update, New Layout, Whatchoo Think?

2010-06-20T14:00:00.000-07:00

Hi. Sorry. I'm back. I promise I won't do that again. Where have I been? Psshh, protecting our rights and our freedom, you ungrateful sonsofbitches.

Okay, not really.

In terms of the last contest, Oath vs. Fangore, I think it goes without saying that Wartenx of Burning Legion won, problem is, there is no Wartenx of Burning Legion. You transfer servers there, buddy? Let me know, I'll hang on to your card and the pet.

New layout. You like? I'm missing some widgets on the side. I'll add them later.

Next post is a big one. All about PvP.

See you at home, honey.

INC New Stuff

2010-06-15T20:58:00.000-07:00

Promise.

Winner of Oath's BattleCry Contest, Pokemans, and NEW CONTEST!

2010-03-24T22:58:00.000-07:00

LOL you procrastinators! My readers are just like me. Wait until the last minute. Or perhaps you guys didn't realize that there was a contest until just now, which is completely permissible. Despite that, I had five total entries. I took the names of the five, wrote them on slips of paper, folded them each in identical folding patterns, stuck them in a hat, mixed them up, pulled them all back out, wrote numbers on them, and then texted my non-bias, slightly indecisive, hot artist friend, Accio, to pick a number between 1 and 5. She picked 2. And your winner is:

AVARYSE! Hooray! Congo rats on your new plushie! Hit me up with a comment to this, Avaryse, with your choice of either the gryphon or wind rider, we'll play email tag for a bit about how you're gonna get it (oh, you'll get it all right, you'll get it hard), and in no time whatsoever, you'll be walking about Azeroth and IRL with your own cute and cuddly pet! Fucking crazy sauce, right? INORITE.

Honorable mention: Dino, way to rep the Horde, you've got the monitor I wanted, you're friggin' adorable, and thanks for unintentionally showing me mixpod off of your blog! Eric, you rock for having two screens of differing size on your desk, semi-steampunk headphones (or at least brass-colored ones), and the bitchin' sweet Trigun cat. Candice, should have took a pic with Velver's work laptop, lawl. Jkjk. And Agostini, your link's busted, but I still entered you in!

Thanks so much to everyone for submitting!

Now, what of the pokemans?

I bought Pokemon SoulSilver the other day for $2. How? Gamestop trade-ins and people loving up on me. It also helps to be friends with everyone in the store. As a result, I've been playing that quite a bit between work and going out. I'm sorry that I've been neglectful of the blog, but shit, when you've got to level Magikarp, you know you got some shitfest of grinding to do.

I'll be updating my progress in that game as well, just so you know what's up with my pokemoning.

Are you all ready for the new contest? Hmm? HMM?!

Introducing the OATH VS. FANGORE PHOTO CONTEST!

Here are the rules: There are two ways to enter for each submission, do both, and you get entered in TWICE. That's right! Do both ways to enter, and you get entered in the contest two sexy times. That's two chances to win. Two chances to rock this biotch. Two chances to make me so damn hot for you.

First way: Take a picture with Oathbreaker. No, not my alts. Not my bank toon. Me. Not someone else in my guild. No. With me. Oathbreaker. Take a photo with me. Not OF me. I want you to stand next to me, while both of us are facing forward, like a good, traditional photo, and screenshot that. If you're Horde, tell me you want a shot! Make it fun! We can /flex together! Or ride our motlcilks next to each other! Whatever you want! Just make sure it's with me!

The Alliance, is eligible as well, just be sure you take the picture WITH me, not of me. My dead body in WG doesn't count, neither does a front shot me with the back of your head, because you're looking at me. WITH me. K? k.

Second way (easier, I think): Take a picture of you saying “raping paper” to Fangore. Not hard, he's usually on. Can't miss him. All you need is him in the shot, with his name and guild name visible, and you saying "raping paper" to him. Of course he's not in on this, he has no idea this damn site exists. You can tell him if you want, I don't care.

Fun, yea? I think so. I'm always about making this even more fun. You know what? Let's do that. Let's make it more fun. Want a bonus way to win? Want two bonus ways to win? Here you go!

BONUS #1 way: Get into a verbal fight with Fangore and I'll enter you in the contest a third time! Show me screenshots of the conversation from the chat window and your name's in again!

BONUS #2 way: Win said verbal fight and get entered in the contest a fourth time! If I see pure pwnage in those screenshots, you get another chance at the prize!

So what is the prize? Depends. If you enter in the contest with only the two basic ways of entering, a photo with me and/or a photo of you saying “raping paper” to Fangore, you get a chance or two to win a sexy 60-day time card! That's right, two whole months of WoW on my tab. Do one or both of the bonus ways of winning, and you get the sexy 60-day time card AND your choice of either the Gryphon plushie or the Wind Rider plushie! DAMN STRAIGHT I MADE THIS DEAL SWEETER.

So thems the rules! Obviously, if you don't play on my server, you can make a Horde alt and accost me to take that photo with me or berate Fangore. Come to Farstriders! Say hi to me or insult Fuckgore! Take some pictures and submit them in the comments! Win sweet prizes! DO EET! Cut off date is Friday, April 30th, 2010, at 11:59PM. Get it in!

Shared Topic: Eavesdropping WoW Conversations IRL

2010-03-11T11:35:00.000-08:00

I posted a Shared Topic at BlogAzeroth.com. It's about IRL stuff. Autobiographical shit, GO!

We have moments where the game gets to be too much and we have to venture out into the -groan- World of Realcraft. Occasionally, a WoWer must stymie the addiction for brief intervals of fresh air and actual sunlight to buy groceries, hang out with friends (you have some, don't lie), or get a new monitor because you Sinister Struck your last one with a ballpoint pen because you were GY camped in WSG.

In any case, we're out there, working and consorting, and our digital lives await us, always on our minds, pervading our thoughts and, to a greater extent, our conversations.

You probably deal with not being able to play much in the same way I do: you talk about it. I tend to not want to do things alone, as a general rule, so I usually get people involved. As a result, with the exception of maybe two people, everyone in my guild is friends and family. Having a conversation about WoW at the dinner table isn't odd, it's welcomed usually, and when I head to the movies with two or three friends, we can always talk about gear or theorycrafting. Even some of my friends who don't play know well enough about it because I've been trying to coerce them.

In talking about it, you can't help but run into a few people who play.

I was at the swanky mall in my town (you've always got the three-malls-in-your-area situation where there's the shitty one, the okay one that all the locals go to, and then the rich one where you can't afford anything but it's nice to walk through and people watch and window shop), walking abouts with Accio, my sexy artist friend with impeccable music taste, and at one point, had to bio break. The first floor restrooms are around the main entrance way of the mall, down a lengthy corridor, ending in much of the mall service offices, such as security and the post office, complete with a bench directly outside of the restrooms and an ATM beside them. Accio headed for the ladies' room to powder her nose and I went to powder mine (read: piss). Upon leaving the restroom, I rounded the corner, and there, sitting on the bench, is some silly-looking, lanky bastard with glasses, corduroy pants (who wears those anymore?) and an Alliance t-shirt. I stopped and stared, more than likely scowling. He looked up and saw my reaction, a quizzical look on his face. I scoffed, actually high-nosed him, and sat on the bench farthest away from him.

“What?” he asked. I leaned in.
“Your shirt is absurd,” I responded, as condescendingly as possible. Yes, I'm an asshole. Don't care. To me, the Alliance has to justify their pride. I wanted to see if this silly boy could do so.
“You...you play WoW?” he asked timidly.
“Your new king is a showboat emo kid. Just so you're aware.”
He looked confused at first, then like a bad electrical connection, my button-pushing finally turned on some lights in his head.
“Your Warchief is weak. Wrynn will crush all of those green-skinned monstrosities.”

Oh, there you are, you arrogant prick. I was hoping you weren't just some confused child playing because you heard it was a good game and you begged your mom for her credit card number. Let's dance.

“Your king is a door-kicking unprofessional. His success in politics will be marred by a severe amount of emotional compensation, muddling his judgment, a trait he so severely needs in times like this since Bolvar is dead, Magni has his thumb up his ass, Jaina can only shake her head, Tyrande shrugs her shoulders, and Mekkatorque is a feeble little tinkerer.”
He reeled, then retorted.
“Sylvanas eats brains, the Tauren dude is old, the troll guy...I don't even know his name, Thrall's a pussy, and that blood elf guy became a raid boss! How could you allow yourself to be part of such filth?”

Really? That's all you've got? I wasn't even looking at him, I was texting Accio, who was still in the restroom, about the situation.

Lawlnewb on the bench outside. Check it. He's rockin the Alli cresty on his breasty. I'm making fun of his shoes and his fake ass sword.

I heard a violent flush as though Accio kicked the shit out of the reservoir instead of flushing it properly. She came 'round the corner, looking slightly flustered. She took a look at this guy, who was now discussing the importance of proper bathing, saying that the Horde was “overall, a stinky faction,” then joined in on the conversation.

“I'm sorry, my boyfriend and I have a scheduled Stormwind raid in an hour. We have to go home.” She took me by the hand and I was like wuuuuuuuuuut?

As we were leaving, the Alliance guy's girlfriend came out of the bathroom and she was FAT32.

I turned to Accio in the parking lot.
“So we're dating now?”
“Psshh, no. When you texted me, I saw his girlfriend in the bathroom. I knew it was her because she had an Alliance pin on her purse. Her mustache made it easy.”

There are a myriad of other stories that stand out in my mind, and perhaps in the future I'll share them, but this one was the coup de grâce.

Check out BlogAzeroth.com for this Shared Topic and more, join in and write with us if you've got it in ya, and don't forget! Oath's BatteCry Plushie Contest! Submit your picture in the comments before March 20th and enter in to win your very own WoW Plushie with in-game pet!

BattleCry: Oathbreaker Style and READER CONTEST!

2010-03-04T12:27:00.000-08:00

This morning, Blizzard Entertainment finished their BattleCry Community Mosaic, a compilation of an astounding 20,000 player-submitted photos. Players were asked to send in a photo of themselves repping their respective faction.

It goes without saying, we Horde represented better. ;)

The final product is an impressive piece, showcasing the racial leaders in grandiose beauty, which you can download here in a number of formats, including dual-screen! Sweet!

There is one problem I see with it though.

WHERE THE FUCK AM I?

I mad fucking important to your WoWing experience, dawg, Oathy gotta be up in that shit.

So I made my own version.

Hit the link to download the zip file. Yes, it's RapidFail. I'm sorry. Keep trying. It'll download sometime. I did high quality for both standard and widescreen format, as well as an iPhone Horde version (Sorry Alli and Droid users, y'ain't cool enough). Just stretch the bitch, I'm not gonna do it for you. Don't complain! You own a computer, fucking use that shit and learn some Photoshop. Middle schoolers can doodle their MySpace better than you can resize a wallpaper.

READER CONTEST: Submit a photo of yourself next to your monitor or with your iPhone with my wallpaper on it in the comments of this post and I'll put your name into a hat for a drawing to win your choice of either the Wind Rider Cub or the Gryphon Hatchling. That's right, I will buy you a plushie that comes with an cute in-game pet! All you've got to do is submit a photo!

Official Rules: Everyone is eligible. Photo of monitor or iPhone with reader's face somewhere in there is required; cannot be edited or doctored. Submit only once, as only one entry is required. Submission cut-off is at 11:59PM EST on Sunday, March 20, 2010. After the winner is drawn, I'll make a successive post, announcing the winner, and then we'll work out shipping and information. DO NOT post your email, address, or any other contact information in the comments. That's just dumb.

Motlcilk Attention or How I fear future raids with guys like this

2010-02-23T10:27:00.000-08:00

Thanks to everyone who congo-rats'd my face off for Loremaster! I wanna date each and every single one of you. Really. I do. I'll get you a touch bit drinkedy and we can hold each other up at night. Mmm, Chambord. Right. On to the post.

Lemme preface this with a screenshot.

Having a Mechano-hog gets a reasonable amount of attention, particularly from low level players. I took that screenshot in Durotar, heading out to northeast Barrens for Loremastering (that sounds dirty) and Oxsam just randomly invites me as I drove by.

This isn't the first time.

I'm out in Tanaris, doing that Loremastering thing (I really like this new verb), disenchanting things, and, just as I get on my bike, I get invited to group. I've never been the kind of guy to deny an invite because I'm just some douche with better things to do; I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and see if they have something worth while to offer or if they ask for something reasonably easy. It's always nice to help, educate, or just hear out someone when the time calls for it. I also have a blog.

At the time, Hellbentaxis was level 52. I take a look around the area with a /who to the zone. Four other 80's, all in Gadgetzan. Why me? Eh. Let's see what you want.

I follow him, thinking, Probably just some asshole level 60 or something. This will be easy. He points to Bera Stonehammer.

Really? You don't know what “ganked” means? You poor, poor thing. I just want to rub your tummy and feed you cookies.

I continue:

Don't get me wrong, being a dick to you Alliance out there is fairly high on my WoW To Do list. Loremaster was above that, though. Though now that I am the Loremaster, expect a few post about my vacation in Goldshire soon. Kek. Where'd all this blood on the floor come from? This Inn is so nice! Look at the books and beds. Lawl. They think they're civilized. Silly monkeybots.

I can feel the pally looking me up and down, and not in the hot and sexy way.

The part where he goes “weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” is when he gets into my sidecar, if you couldn't tell. I drive out to the race track up north. He smalltalks.

Attempt 1: Was okay. You've almost got it. There's an “I” in there, somwhere.

Attempt 2: Better. You put the “I” in there this time. And really? “Like where?” I just want to hold your hand and show you Mickey Mouse. Take your picture next to him. You adorable little idiot.

I'm gonna buy you some formula and tuck you in, you sweet little baby.

I put him on my Friend's List. Charity cases hurt my heart. Expect an infomercial for “Newb Reach Out: a Charity.” For copper a day, you can sponsor this poor paladin. See as he stabs himself in the eye with gray trash drops.

I am the Loremaster

2010-02-21T13:06:00.000-08:00

I've been a Warlock close to around three years now, and each day I've played it's been nothing but a good time. I've had quite a lot of adventures and there are so many stories to tell, all of which will one day be logged here, but in the span of my WoW career, nothing has been as important as this.

I have a philosophy, taken from one of my favorite authors: “We owe it to ourselves to tell stories.” Nothing is more important to me than a good tale. I believe it wholeheartedly, that our society and the very existence of mankind depends on language, communication, and a history. Stories keep us together, make us believe in something greater than ourselves, and give us that which is most important of all: hope.

WoW, in a sense, becomes an extension of this philosophy. Sure, it's just a game, but in itself, it's a smaller version of an overall human society, and the same principles govern it. Human nature permeates through the simulated spells, bullets, and blades. So to find the humanity in our game, from day one of becoming Oath, I sought out quests.

The stories began innocently enough. I need these supplies. Can you deliver this message. We're being bullied and robbed.

Please, help us.

The more I ventured, the loftier the demands became. Rescue missions. Complex assembly. Long distances. Diplomatic representation. Political assassinations. Elaborate plans of warfare.

It's never been just my story, but all of ours.

As with any story, it will go on, and like all stories, it will end. Until that day, I'll do my best to represent this epic that took fifteen years to write. I will make it my duty to tell the tales that matter, IRL and in WoW, and in their telling, hopefully impart a sense of camaraderie with my fellow man.

I am Loremaster Oathbreaker. Have I got a story for you.

Thanks to Accio, Aiwendil, and Repello for being here, in person, for the final achievement, and, of course, thanks to Mooj and Scrubbs for being there in game. :)

WoW.com Farms BlogAzeroth

2010-02-18T11:11:00.000-08:00

That title sure as hell got you.

I can't say I'm the best at keeping up with things on the internet, but thanks to Velver keeping better tabs on this monstrous sea of words and pictures, I saw that today's Breakfast Topic at WoW.com was distinctly similar to my Shared Topic suggestion at BlogAzeroth.com, posted four days prior.

Now, considering I talk about WoW a lot with people and read much of the blogs, there has, at some point, been a post like this, mentioning meetings with other WoW players IRL, perhaps on someone else's blog months or years ago. I was hoping that, in my post to BlogAzeroth, the topic would be more at the forefront and would warrant another wonderful group activity in writing.

WoW.com was tipped off, perhaps not by anyone involved with BlogAzeroth (they didn't even cite BA at all), but I'd like to give the benefit of the doubt here and say it's all part of collective consciousness. You put an idea out there, it'll eventually spread like wildfire without word of mouth or visual musing, but just by the coincidental synapses of this silly fucking universe.

It's not the first time an idea of mine, or one that I planted somewhere, was manifested somewhere else by someone else. It comes with writing and batting ideas around.

I'm still going to write it. I guess I just would have liked to have seen the community have at it first. Yes, I am a bit prideful, Anne. Gimme a bit to calm down. Perhaps you should cite your sources so I don't have a fucking aneurysm. I REQUIRE MLA FORMAT.

Screwing with Hunters: The Quantity Check

2010-02-15T12:51:00.000-08:00

Yes, I'm that fucker who sells hunters only ONE arrow. No, not a stack, not a half stack, not even a stack of ten. Just the single arrow. And you pay 7g for each.

I'm not sorry. Check your stacks. QQ your pewpews. I'll keep on laughing, you silly hunters.

Random Screenshot:

I missed messing with gold spammers/farmers.

Selling the Hog: It doesn't really work

2010-02-11T14:21:00.000-08:00

After obtaining my own Mechano-hog and finding that Primordial Saronite was the AH crack, making a few more hogs wasn't hard. I helped get my friends and fellow guildies, Scrubbs, Freing, and Mooj, get theirs, but once the cash started piling up, hell, why not, let's make an extra one and see if someone buys it.

Made a macro.

“/2 WTS [Mechano-hog], new bike smell, streamers sold separately, PST with offer.”

I thoroughly enjoy it when people would proffer me with their queries on Trade Chat itself when I said “PST.” You're all a bunch of shitty readers who don't understand commonly used acronyms. I hope you get a curable but severely unpleasant venereal disease. I hope it burns.

The whispers began innocently enough:

I honestly didn't care what I got for the damn thing, so long as I at least got some profit beyond the 12.5k I spent to make it. I made 18k my going rate if people asked, knowing well enough that it was somewhat high, but only trying to BS calculations to see if people would take the high sale and try to haggle down.

The following whisper is entertaining enough, and Jt makes a good point. I try hard-selling him on 18k, just to see if he'll budge. I honestly believe him more than I believe myself, but gold is gold, and there's snake oil in my blood.

Still, the offers came, and still, they got funnier.

And the winner, Bleedinggums:

Thanks Trade Chat and the peanuts for all their good humor! Perhaps I'll do something fun with the server and the extra Mechano-hog in the future. Maybe have a contest or something. We'll see.

Random screenshot:

Hydra, you cutie. Don't go AFK, it feels like rape when I'm loving up on you and you don't move or respond. Especially when four of us surround you.

Dungeon Deserter: I want your justification. No, I demand it.

2010-02-01T18:36:00.000-08:00

Explain to me something, you self-righteous tool. What makes it okay for you to judge someone based on their appearance? How is it justified that, after one look, you can conceivably conclude that someone wearing less than epic quality items in this random dungeon you've queued up for is going to waste your precious time and you'll take a 15 minute debuff instead of dealing with what you believe would be an utter failure?

It's people like you that make elitism an undying trend.

I don't get it. We're in this together and we should ideally be helping each other out. How the fuck is it alright to take 15 minutes out of using the Dungeon Finder because you saw your DPS with two or three greens? Are you going to be the factor that is going to perpetuate the difficulty of getting gear? Are you letting the “ignorance is bliss” mentality supersede your inability to help your fellow man? If you're not going to help, you figure, “fuck it, I'll skip this shit,” wait for a while, then try again and again and again UNTIL you get what you believe will be a worthwhile group. How do you live with yourself?

Are you the sort of prick who raises a child, sees that they aren't the sharpest crayon in the box, and, rather than help them succeed academically, have another fucked-up flipper baby in an attempt to see if that one's smarter?

Are you the douchenozzle that goes to a store checkout lane with 26 items in the 10-items-or-less aisle where the new cashier is, then give them a hard time when they're not sure how to ring up your difficult purchases with all your asshole coupons and ridiculous loophole-scamming, store-policy-exploiting bullshit?

Are you the tremendous cunt who drives 25 miles over speed limit in the construction zone passed the teenager who just got her license yesterday, cutting her off, putting her in a panic because she wouldn't get out of your way in time, causing her to careen headlong into a cement mixer?

It's sickening to think that this sort of attitude can be reflected in actual society and not just in game. They should put a ramping debuff instead of a flat 15 minutes, like the respeccing penalty increase. Charge them gold, time, and actual money because Mister Impatient Monkey Fuck couldn't deal with the fact that some people need to reach the standardize caliber through help and genuine camaraderie. Give people the benefit of the doubt and they usually impress you.

Stupid Nubs: Fangore again

2010-01-23T10:44:00.000-08:00

Fangore's e-peen is so huge, I had to make a post.

Scrubbs and I have gotten quite a money-making scheme going with the production of Mechano-hogs and selling them on the weekends to would-be bikers. I tried getting a head start on One yesterday and Fangore, the genius birthday girlfriend raping paper guy, chimes in. I didn't get screenshots, sorry, but what follows is just about what was said.

Fangore: Oneironaut, I've never heard of you or your guild before. (My guess, him trying to derail my trade channel exploits)
Me: And the internet has heard of you and your raping paper.
Peanut Gallery #1: LOLWUT
Fangore: wtf u takin bout
Me: http://www.dressedtocuddle.blogspot.com
Peanut Gallery #2: I'm not going to some site called dressed to cuddle, probably porno
Fangore: ur dumb
Me: seriously though, thanks for making me famous.

I take the effort to whisper him. That, I get a screenshot of.

Dude. Really? REALLY?! You arrogant prick.

Who gives two shits if you're supposedly one of the best warriors on the server? It's Farstriders. Last I checked, we're neither top server for raiding OR RPing. I don't think you get what I've done to you. There are people laughing about your degree of retarded in Australia, not the quality of your gameplay. Stroke your e-peen harder because your righteous arrogance will never suffice as vidication for the intellectual damage I have set forth to smite you with. You are target one and I am the F-Bomb. From now on, any chance I get, I am going to call out your dumpy ass for every single misgiving you commit on a public channel.

To reiterate, I am an asshole. I just found my dumbass to splatter my shit on.

Oath and the MLG 2009 World of Warcraft PC Pro Circuit

2010-01-17T11:20:00.000-08:00

I had the amazing opportunity to attend the grand finals of the MLG 2009 World of Warcraft PC Pro Circuit in Orlando. I brought my good friend, Repello, out to the event. We learned quite a bit from the pro Arena players, even got to talk to a few of them.

The event itself was impressive; here, Repello and I thought we were just going to the WoW tourney, but it was actually the full Pro Circuit of MLG. There was a Dr. Pepper center kiosk giving away free cans of Dr. Pepper, Stride gum carts giving away free gum, rows of XBOX360's and PS3's playing Madden and Halo 3, and a vast myriad of gamers. WoW got a corner, small, but humble, and I'd like to think it had some of the more sophisticated members of the attending throng.

Okay, perhaps sophistication dwindled down to just me and Repello. The monkeys on the bench didn't know whether to cheer or stare dumbfounded at the screens. Despite this, we saw some great matches, great comps, and learned a lot.

First off, let's take a look at the arena.

The technical side of things. This is where commentary was held, updates to the live forums, and server maintenance occurred.

Lots of wires, fo sho.

Teams had their own sides, flanked with cameras to check out the action live. The people watching on were friends, family, or extreme fans. No, no girlfriends. There's no time for girlfriends when you're the best arena player.

Interesting thing about the rules: no addons or mods. You could bring your own keyboard and mouse, but aside from, the computers were provided, the characters were built on the custom server, and you could only use in-game script to change your UI.

This in mind, it really gives a sense of how “pro” a pro is. To play without addons is a bit foreign to me; I've always required some sort of healing assistant or notifier. Bells and whistles need to go off to help me react, and now that I see how they do it, it makes me consider my gameplay entirely.

Speaking of they, let's find out who they are.

SK:EG is an amalgamation of SK Gaming and Evil Geniuses, two teams who saw a lot of action during the entire circuit. They formed together, I think somewhere in during the Dallas finals, to have a fairly diverse group.

Pookz – Mage
Kollektiv – Shaman
Realz – Rogue
Azael – Warlock

Their overall comp was built on a contemporary idea of control. Enough control and you usually will win. Unfortunately for them, though, they were knocked out by Complexity Red and the Button Bashers, two teams who showed a great deal of promise.

Hearing the commentator, Igoaf, call them “The Koreans” over and over again was a bit unnerving; it's not like the Button Bashers were going to report back to Kim Jong-il about their wins and loses. They're from Seoul. Totally different.

Hiren – Rogue
OrangeMarmalade – Mage
NumberOne – Priest

RMP group, a comp that hasn't been used since the end of Season 5 professionally, but for the few months, OrangeMarmalade and company have cut a swath through the competition. Perhaps you remember the following clips from Germany:

And then an explination of his win:

I went to the tourney with these clips in mind, seeing the fights and being extremely intimidated by Orange. I was a bit let down when I saw them lose twice, but Orange was playing Frost spec more than his Arcane. Hiren was quite impressive too, unloading a ton of damage on targets through fights, but the pressure felt by the other teams, like Complexity Red, wore the Koreans down.

This team impressed me the most. With comps I haven't seen too often, I was really impressed by the amount of damage and control this team was able to dish out. To add more salt in the Sinister Strike, they even ran RMP at one point against verteran RMP group the Button Bashers, winning the matches and taking the lead to second place over the Koreans.

Venruki – Mage
Reckful – Rogue
Snutz – Warlock
Sodah – Priest

The amount of control and anticipation from this group was jaw-dropping impressive. They were also the loudest group at the tourney, Snutz bellowing out a battle cry at every chance he saw he was open for a kill requiring an assist. Eventually Reckful got in on it and so did Venruki.

The first day of the tournament was the all-star challenge. Team captains chose players not in their original team and created new combinations to fight in a double elimination round. With a chance to win an easy $1000, spectators were given a preview at players' skill and comps that we've never seen before. My favorite was two rogues and a priest. Damn was it terribad, but interesting to watch as a dynamic.

Oh look, it's the back of my head and half of Repello's face. Yea, that's our anemic looking group of spectators. The Halo 3 arena was much more impressive with high bleachers, a commentator's box, and large projection screens you could watch from the back of the convention hall. We had two flat-panel monitors. Score.

It smelled like wet dog on those benches. Delight. Dudes, take a shower. WoW less, clean yourself more.

Yo Snutz. You happy you're winning? You're a loud sonofabitch. Scary in the Sewers and Blade's Edge too. Back up with that Shadowfury. I'm your bro. We coo, we coo.

Sodah's looking mighty intense, but most healers usually have this face on them between fights. Makes me a bit apprehensive to heal a 3v3 with One.

I do that too sometimes.

Players would have to take 5 minutes on occasion to discuss strategy. WoW was the only game at the convention that had to do that, which makes me think: Gears of War 2, 4 guys, hardly any talking, just a lot of individual success overall to bring the team through with hardly any assisting, group camaraderie, or cooperation. How is it justifiable to give $75,000 as a grand prize for that? Hax.

Yea, not doing so good. Scream louder, that seems to be working for the other guys.

They should give mages battle shout.

Reckful wasn't nearly as loud as Snutz, but it did give the team morale and brought in the wins.

They weren't making words. They were just yelling.

QQ.

THEM FUCKIN ROUGES.

Complexity Black. The three guys who took it all. They were the most diverse group. Flexx was key in this, running a BE DK, Tauren Warrior as Prot, and most notably, his Enhancement Shaman. Along with the beast mastery hunter, Twix, out the door the wolves were out, the core hound loose, and bloodlust was popped. They targeted one DPS, downed him in half a breath, and moved on. Their comp was scary.

That free Dr. Pepper was awesome.

I felt that way too.

Should have been more, but despite that, they did get $5000 each. Congo rats to them. They move on to spank up some European ass in the international circuit.

What did I learn? Paladins and priests are the way to go for heals. Control is the name of the game. Beastcleave is scary.

And I'm going to be PVPing more.

Acetaminophen and Caffeine: inc

2010-01-10T08:08:00.000-08:00

I'm at the World of Warcraft: MLG Orlando Championship at the Gaylord Palms. I shit you not. Neilyo is here (not playing), Orangemarmalade, Snutz, Flexx, and some other rocking characters. Got to talk to Snutz yesterday about warlocking. Twas cool. Will talk with more of them today and even have photos.

So incoming update tonight or tomorrow, provided I get shit done at the hotel today.

GotFrag.com has all the action streaming live, and perhaps you'll see yours truly wandering in the background. Check out full rosters of players on the website as well.

So far:
Best healer - Toes of Complexity Black
Best CC: Snutz or Venruki of Complexity Red
Best DPS: Snutz

My gold's on either Complexity Red or Button Bashers. Snutz is my hero. Orangemarmalade intimidates me.

Also, just for the giggle factor, watch the stream for commentary at the very least, because hearing the announcers go, "The Koreans are unstoppable," makes me laugh.

Acetaminophen and Caffeine: Avatar vs. WoW Photodump

2010-01-03T14:46:00.000-08:00

Saw Avatar twice over the winter holidays, great movie, enjoyed it both times, and while watching, I couldn't help but notice severe similarities to WoW.

Rather than regale you with my verbose monstrosities, here's some pics!

(The Na'vi remind me of the Night Elves. There's no Azshara counterpart in the movie.)

Sorry for the short post. My sleep schedule is effed the junk up and I need to balance out before work starts up again tomorrow.

Stupid Nubs: Takiel of Wyrmest Accord

2010-01-02T00:26:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! Let's start off 2010 with a douchebag!

I was running Heroic HoR with a random pug and my friends, Scrubbs and Mooj. We're not doing so well, as most of the instance requires quite a bit of synergy to actually work out. Understanding your capabilities is important to successfully winning the fights, and apparently Takiel of Wyrmrest Accord thinks his sauce isn't the weak ingredient in our stew of fail.

Our first wipe on Falric ended up being because Mr. Shamanface was overwhelmed. We had just went through four waves, Falric starts swinging, and he's at 25% mana and everyone is at 50-60% health. He's trying his best to compensate for Hopelessness, which stacks and becomes the bane of healers and DPS. Of course we go down, our feeble little troll doing his best to top us all off for Falric's mean fear. It came down to the final few swings and then we lost our last man. Fair enough, it's okay, just push harder. He makes a demand, not a suggestion or even a polite request, for us to stack so he can use chain heal. Okay, feeling obliged to my healer, I listen.

We fight through the waves, and again, we're down to about 50-60% health partywide and he's down to about 30% mana by 5/10. Hopelessness is stacking, but I don't see one chain heal go off. He's popping off lesser heal all over the party, but he doesn't seem to be healing himself. Of the five of us, he is one of the first who goes down. Eventually we wipe, just swings away from downing Falric. The hunter, probably frustrated, leaves. Takiel then has the tenacity to say this and then he leaves:

Note to asshole: I have a blog.

First off, I didn't see one damn chain heal despite me doing what you asked. Cast your healing spells and we live, don't cast them, and we die.

Second, L2H. Have in the back of your mind priority of healing, so you're not wasting your heals on expendable people. I'm DPS, if I die, it's probably my damn fault. I've come to terms with that. There are two people in a five-man who can't die: you and the tank. You were one of the first to die. Last I check, Life Tap affects me, not you. I don't give two shits if I die, nor should you.

Third, let's look at your gear:

No mana, huh? Sounds like a personal problem there, totemfucker. 20K mana is hardly what I'd call enough, and don't you have several abilities that get mana back? Isn't there a shield you can cast or some silly little butt-plug you can throw down?

By the way, where the shit is your tier gear? Even that has some severe upgrades for your anemic mana pool. Maybe it might even give you an extra piece bonus that makes you less of a DPS reject.

Wearing elemental gear and speccing down a tree doesn't make you a healer, nor does it warrant the comment you made. It gets you noteriety in my battlegroup as an ugly bitch.

Happy New Year. Your resolution, play DPS.

Acetaminophen and Caffeine: Effing Zhevra

2009-12-27T13:17:00.000-08:00

Two A&C's in a row? Bad Oathy. I'll be sure to get a flogging for it later. The sexy kind of flogging. Mhmm.

So Loremaster is becoming more of a reality for me as I have been working on it quite diligently in the last few days. Things I've noticed:

Escort quests in Vanilla WoW can go on for a LONG DAMN TIME.

The Grimtotem Tribe are assholes.

The in game quest helper is really really helpful to an extent (I've never used a quest helper before, I just look stuff up on wowhead or wowwiki). I found mobs I needed on a different part of the map that the quest helper did not indicate. Save for a few snags, it's a really well done system integrated into the game.

The Venture Company are assholes.

The Horde, generally as a whole, really just want to get on their feet. They're not wholly concerned with extremely large concepts of bureaucracy and the balancing of power like the Alliance are with most of their quests. All they really want is just the chance to survive.

The Alliance are really bored on my realm. I'll be questing in a low level area and then I'll hear of a town being attacked. I head over and there's a level 80, poorly geared, wasting away at level 40 guards. Really? That's how you get your rocks off? K, buddy. I'll be in Astranaar bending over your night elf women. Eye for an eye, biatch. Oh, is that you, silly warrior, showing up on the horizon? The same warrior who thought he was a badass, killing my quest givers that I needed to give this oil and rope to? Well I've oiled up this purple-haired vixen, tied her down, and she don't sound like she wants me to stop. She's got so many dots on her face she's gonna go blind!

Ahem.

The Alliance are assholes.

I especially hate drop rates on body parts. You know and hate those fucking quests (if you love them, you are NOT my friend). “Gather up these intestines for me, I want to make a pie.” “It'd really give this potion a kick if I had these snouts.” “I need eyes, lots of motherfucking eyes.”

Blizzard ought to make mobs and creatures reflect the body parts they're missing. If I'm hunting wyverns for ears, make the ones who don't have ears look like they haven't got ears, so I know to skip them.

I go out there, I find the mob the guy wants, let's say a zhevra, and I cast a shadowbolt. The damn thing goes flying, end over end, skipping on the grown every so often like a pebble on a calm lake, only to slam into a tree off in the distance. I take a look at the body, needing one of its hooves, seeing that I've obliterated all of them. Okay, note for later, don't use shadowbolt.

I find another zhevra. I cast death coil; the lights in its eyes go out. I can see, feel, and hear the sheer terror rending through the animal's mind, as it screams and bucks in fitful convulsions, only to crumple to the ground in a mass of horror-filled flesh. I walk up to it, it's face contorted like a bad Japanese fright flick, and as I look at its feet, it seems the hooves have recessed into the legs. The damn zhevra was so scared its hooves when up into the ankles. Shit. Fucking. Asshole. Second note: death coil doesn't work. Third time's a charm.

Zhevra. Corruption. The animal feels something is amiss, and angered by my presence, charges. Before it even has a chance to retaliate, it falls to the grown, heaving its chest fitfully, and then suddenly expires, breathing its last. I go for the hooves, plainly visible on its legs. I attempt to pry one off with my dagger, but no give. I don't stack strength. This is bullshit. I aim my hand down and begin casting incinerate. Wait, no, best not to cook the damn thing. I start hacking away at the knee, and after about fifteen minutes of work, I get ONE hoof. Fuck the other three, I'll just look for a zhevra with a limp.

Acetaminophen and Caffeine: I Don't Want You, [Input Race Here]

2009-12-20T10:32:00.000-08:00

I got to thinking about the new races we're going to be getting in Cataclysm, the Worgen and Goblins, and while I'm really excited to try out both, I want to openly thank Blizzard for not putting in the following races as playable characters.

Kobolds
Their underground city would be made of melted wax. Speech would be slightly understandable, as they lack the use of proper grammatical syntax and verb conjugation. Their epic tier shoulders would be made from a wrought-iron candelabra. I'd hate to see their women. Probably the Alliance would take them as manual labor, as we all know they don't appreciate their workforce.

Quilboar
Again, I'd hate to see their women. Their /laugh would be dreadful, and imagine how much more dreadful it'd be if they roll'd DK. Mount: diminutive boars. They look like the kind of elitist assholes to ride the dumb versions of themselves, like a Tauren on a cow.

Vrykul
You know how many metalheads would jump at naming their Vrykul warrior some Norse god, or permutation with stupid foreign characters? I've had my fill of umlauts, I really don't want anymore in my WoW life. Thõrödînløkï is neither clever nor awesome, and I will make fun of you for it. You can be the greatest player in Azeroth, but you'll still look like a tattoo parlor stalker with the German name no one can pronounce.

Makrura
CLACKCLACKCLACKCLACKCLACKCLACKCLACK

Faceless One
Their speaking emotes would be the lamest shit ever. All telepathy, you'd have to read your chat window. You could customize the number of tentacles in the character creation screen, like the Draenei, only worse. Their orphanage in their major city would have slugs.

Tiny post, yeah. I left out a few because some would actually be cool. Leave in the comments what you think would be a stupid race to make playable, or one you'd think would be awesome. For my awesome vote: Sporelings.

3.3 Warlock Gear Through the New LFG System

2009-12-18T14:53:00.000-08:00

Maybe someone has already done this for all of us warlocks out there; perhaps it's better, more comprehensive, and really gets down to the nitty gritty. Pshh, forget them. I'm going to do one of my own, because honestly, I'm way cooler. This is my list of every epic item a warlock, fresh to 80 and/or gearing out by him/herself, would want from patch 3.3.

I have left out PvP, Arena, and Raid gear, as these require a group effort and I will only be concentrating on gear for antisocial people with small guilds and who also rely heavily on the new LFG System (jkjk, I don't mean to imply anything, I'm sure you terribly awkward people have friends). Hey, some of us fly solo. We all can't be in a raiding guild. We don't have a set schedule all the time. Sometimes we're Batman without the JLA.

Speaking of, there is one definite thing: Batman's got rock solid balls. That's right, I said it. His nuts are so huge, he can crack a bowling ball by flinching his cheek muscles. What's that got to do with anything? I want you, my warlock friend, to be Batman. I want you to bring fear and pain to those who stand in your way. I want to you place the shadowy hand of rage upon the heads of your foes. I want you to flinch and crack open their skulls. What follows is a grand list of gear that'll make you feel and look like you've got a pair.

So let's say you've just come back from a long hiatus; you'd had your fill of raiding, your group wasn't able to do 25 TOGC, you were a bit frustrated, so you thought, “Time to box up the imp, call it a month, see you at patch 3.3.” Or perhaps you just dinged 80 on your warlock, a freshman in your prime, eager to see what kind of pretty little things you'll be running into with the new LFG System.

Either situation, the LFG System offers two Emblems of Frost per day (taking the place of daily heroics) for your first heroic and each boss in heroics drops an Emblem of Triumph. After your first heroic, queuing up will award two Emblems of Triumph for successfully completing the dungeon. The average amount of Emblems per dungeon you queue up for is six.

So what does this mean? Tier 9, sucka. There are three qualities of Tier 9: Conquest, Triumph, and Triumph Heroic. You're shooting for Conquest quality, sold by Aspirant Naradiel for the Horde and Aspirant Forudir for the Alliance at the Argent Tournament Grounds, costing you your slightly-hard-earned Emblems of Triumph.

Tier 9 Conquest Gear

Horde
Gul'dan's Hood of Conquest, 50 Emblems
Gul'dan's Gloves of Conquest, 30 Emblems
Gul'dan's Robe Conquest, 50 Emblems
Gul'dan's Leggings of Conquest, 50 Emblems
Gul'dan's Shoulderpads of Conquest, 30 Emblems

Alliance
Kel'Thuzad's Hood of Conquest, 50 Emblems
Kel'Thuzad's Gloves of Conquest, 30 Emblems
Kel'Thuzad's Robe of Conquest, 50 Emblems
Kel'Thuzad's Leggings of Conquest, 50 Emblems
Kel'Thuzad's Shoulderpads of Conquest, 30 Emblems

So you've got some pieces now, but you've still got some green and blue gaps to fill, yeah? Emblems are coming out the wazoo and you're not too sure what to use them for. Here, let me help. The Triumph Emblem Vendors in Dalaran and at the Argent Tournament Grounds carry great pieces you'd be interested in. Have a looksee.

Emblems of Triumph Gear

Brimstone Igniter, 25 Emblems
Hood of Smoldering Aftermath, 75 Emblems
Hood of Clouded Sight, 75 Emblems
Pauldrons of Catastrophic Emanation, 45 Emblems
Mantle of Revered Mortality, 45 Emblems
Band of the Invoker, 35 Emblems
Shard of the Crystal Heart, 50 Emblems
Talisman of Resurgence, 50 Emblems

Building up those epics, yeah? I like your look, thug. Fo sho, streets. What's that? New Heroics? Yeah, that crazy guy, Lich Kingsley, was probably a little annoyed we killed all of his minions, foiled most of his devious plans, and had a Renaissance Fair in his back yard. So in retaliation, he's all, “if you can get through the front door, I'll give you phat lewts.” A battering ram later, and we've got three new places to kill uglies. These dungeons are pretty challenging for anyone, but with enough practice, you'll get the dance down and be swingin' it like a pro. Epics drop from both normal and heroic modes, so smack those bosses in the mouth and rifle through their pockets. You are Neil Diamond.

The Forge of Souls
Normal
Bronjahm Drops
Cold Sweat Grips

Devourer of Souls Drops
Essence of Anger
Coil of Missing Gems

Trash Drops
Coffin Nail
Mantle of Tattered Feathers

Heroic
Bronjahm Drops
Very Fashionable Shoulders

Devourer of Souls Drops
Seethe
Mord'rethar Robes
Arcane Loops of Anger

The Pit of Saron
Normal
Forgemaster Garfrost Drops
Ice-Steeped Sandals
Unspeakable Secret

Krick and Ick Drops
Wristguards of Subterranean Moss

Scourgelord Tyrannus Drops
Palebone Robes
Rimewoven Silks

Trash Drops
Coffin Nail
Mantle of Tattered Feathers

Heroic
Forgemaster Garfrost Drops
Surgeon's Needle, but honestly, it's made for healers. Don't be an asshole and be all "that's mine" when it drops. If it's an upgrade AND the healer doesn't want it, go for it, but really, as a warlock, you don't need MP5. Don't be silly. There are better things. Look for Seethe from FoS, don't wait on this.

Krick and Ick Drops
Ancient Polar Bear Hide
Braid of Salt and Fire

Scourgelord Tyrannus Drops
Engraved Gargoyle Femur
Prelate's Snowshoes

Halls of Reflection
Normal
Falric Drops
Marwyn's Macabre Fingertips

Marwyn Drops
Frayed Abomination Stitching Shoulders

Lich King Drops
Chilled Heart of the Glacier
Tattered Glacial-Woven Hood

Trash Drops
Coffin Nail
Mantle of Tattered Feathers

Heroic
Falric Drops
Soulsplinter
Bracer of Worn Molars

Marwyn Drops
Sightless Crown of Ulmaas
Suspiciously Soft Gloves (That item name bothers me. A lot.)

Lich King Drops
Shriveled Heart
Strip of Remorse

That's a lot of new toys to consider from the new heroics. Though one in particular that I haven't listed yet is something most people want when running the new stuff. From all three dungeons on heroic, trash has a chance to drop Battered Hilt. This item leads to Quel'Delar, the sister blade of Quel'Serrar. There are several versions of the blade once you've finished the quest chain, but more than likely you'll want Quel'Delar, Lens of the Mind. That is a sexy amount of spellpower right there. It's also quite large, so people will be shitting themselves seeing you from a distance with that in hand.

Chugging right along, running the Daily Frost Dungeon (two Emblems of Frost) with the LFG System each day allows you those necessary small steps to some of the best pieces in the game right now. Tier 10 is what we're all after, and like Tier 9, it comes in three delightful qualities: Dark Coven, Sanctified Dark Coven, and Sanctified Dark Coven Heroic. Like Tier 9, you'll be shooting for the lower quality of Dark Coven. Tier 10 waits for the dedicated few, and those without a raid guild or schedule will have to be about as dedicated to doing a dungeon per day as the dude at Blockbuster is to making fun of me for the movies I choose. I loved Love, Actually. British people are quirky.

Tier 10 Dark Coven

Dark Coven Gloves, 60 Emblems
Dark Coven Hood, 95 Emblems
Dark Coven Leggings, 95 Emblems
Dark Coven Robe, 95 Emblems
Dark Coven Gloves, 60 Emblems

Let's say far into the future, you get enough Emblems of Frost that you're starting a collection of them and want to spend them on other items. You'll find some upgrades, if you haven't already, from the Emblems of Frost Vendors in Dalaran.

Emblems of Frost Gear

Belt of Omission, 60 Emblems
Circle of Ossus, 60 Emblems
Ermine Coronation Robes, 95 Emblems
Gloves of Ambivalence, 60 Emblems
Meteor Chaser's Raiment, 95 Emblems
Maghia's Misguided Quill, 60 Emblems
Volde's Cloak of the Night Sky, 50 Emblems

With the new raid comes a new faction: The Ashen Verdict. This faction is a partnership of the Ebon Blade and the Argent Crusade, and together, they hope to bring the Lich King to justice. That's all well and good, but because this storyline has gotten so out-of-hand ridiculous, I could really care less. Tirion with his silly tournament and Darion with is “boo-hoo, papa, I mees you,” lameness, /scoff. You both are wussy. Saurfang should head The Ashen Verdict. Hell, he should own everything. He's so bad ass, they should just rename the faction as “Where's My Son, You Fucking Assholes.” The WMSYFAs have some really good rewards, but since this list focuses on what a warlock could get without setting foot in a raid, we'll have to ignore the sweet ring you get, Ashen Band of Destruction, which is obtainable at friendly reputation with them. It can be upgradeable, but that's neither here nor there. What our concern will be is the tailoring patterns. At honored and revered, tailors can get patterns that mean tasty epics for us, and more than likely in the next month or so you'll see these gracing the AH for mean prices. If you got the gold to drop, check these out. I'll be listing the patterns, as it shows what is also required to craft the item, if you, my reader, were interested on how to make them.

The Ashen Verdict Reputation Tailoring Patterns
Honored
Pattern: Sandals of Consecration
Pattern: Deathfrost Boots

Revered
Pattern: Lightweave Leggings
Pattern: Leggings of Woven Death

Now the semi-obsolete filler. This is pulled directly from my old post, Gearing through heroics; of emblems, drops, and reputation for 3.2. Below are all the epics that come from the heroics you're running, reputation rewards from the Northrend factions, Trial of the Champion Normal and Heroic, and all of the Emblem Vendors' items you could want. Remember that Emblems can be downgraded to the lower rank of Emblem. Frost can be traded for Triumph, Triumph can be traded for Conquest, Conquest for Valor, and Valor for Heroism.

Trial of the Champion

Normal
Belt of the Churning Blaze
Bindings of the Wicked
Handwraps of Surrendered Hope
Mantle of Inconsolable Fear
Leggings of the Haggard Apprentice
The Confessor's Binding
Signet of Purity
Brilliant Hailstone Amulet

Heroic
Spectral Kris
Boots of the Crackling Flame
Gaze of the Unknown
Embrace of Madness
Kurisu's Indecision
Sinner's Confession

Heroic Boss Drops

Ahn'kahet: The Old Kingdom - Wand of Ahn'kahet
Azjol-Nerub - Sash of the Servant and Rod of the Fallen Monarch
Culling of Stratholme - Band of Guile
Drak'Tharon Keep - Overlook Handguards
Halls of Lightning - Woven Bracae Leggings
The Nexus - Gloves of Glistening Runes
The Oculus - Cuffs of Winged Levitation
Utgarde Keep - Annhylde's Ring
Utgarde Pinnacle - Girdle of Bane
The Violet Hold - Azure Cloth Bindings

Emblems of Conquest Gear

Evoker's Charm, 19 Emblems
Sash of Potent Incantations, 28 Emblems
Touch of the Occult, 28 Emblems
Legwraps of the Master Conjurer, 39 Emblems
Breastplate of the Wayward Conqueror for Conqueror's Deathbringer Robe, 58 Emblems
Crown of the Wayward Conqueror for Conqueror's Deathbringer Hood, 58 Emblems

Emblems of Valor Gear

Wraps of the Astral Traveler, 60 Emblems
Xintor's Expeditionary Boots, 40 Emblems
Slippers of the Holy Light, 40 Emblems
Band of Channeled Magic, 25 Emblems
Disguise of the Kumiho, 25 Emblems
Legplates of the Lost Conqueror for Valorous Plagueheart Leggings, 75 Emblems
Mantle of the Lost Conqueror for Valorous Plagueheart Shoulderpads, 60 Emblems

Emblems of Heroism Gear

Plush Sash of Guzbah, 40 Emblems
Ward of the Violet Citadel, 25 Emblems
Handbook of Obscure Remedies, 25 Emblems
Encircling Burnished Gold Chains, 25 Emblems
Sundial of the Exiled, 40 Emblems
Chestguard of the Lost Conqueror for Heroes' Plagueheart Robe, 80 Emblems
Gloves of the Lost Conqueror for Heroes' Plagueheart Gloves, 60 Emblems

Reputation Rewards

Exalted with Argent Crusade - Signet of Hopeful Light
Exalted with Kirin Tor - Robes of Crackling Flame
Exalted with Ebon Blade - Belt of Dark Mending
Exalted with Wyrmrest Accord - Sandals of Crimson Fury

That's all of them. Every purple you could want, my warlocky friend, using just the LFG System and running heroics. Hope your runs go well, may you be blessed with quick groups and no douchbags! Have fun out there, and remember, cool guys don't look at explosions.

The WoW Year in Review

2009-12-14T19:43:00.000-08:00

What's this crap, Jaedia, I don't update often enough?! Fine. Every other day, if I can help it, there will be a post, even tiny ones without the cool screenshots. Just because I don't understand Twitter doesn't mean I don't think about WoW constantly; you just don't know about it. So The Lazy Sniper tagged me, and I think I might have to tag some people too, but I have no idea who is following me. So for those of whom I do know that follow me, I'm tagging Hydra at Almost Evil and Saresa at Destructive Reach. Anyone else can post as well, and should, and tag some more people too!

What did you do in the World of Warcraft in 2009 that you’d never done before?

RPing. Never thought I'd get into it, but I do thoroughly enjoy it. While you'll never see me RP on my home server, you'll very more than likely see it happen on other RP servers I've recently become part of. There will be posts in the future about all my adventures, mostly concentrating on my hunter, Kosei.

What was your favorite new place that you visited?

I really enjoyed a lot of the activities with the Argent Tournament. I dig the rewards, the dailies offer a lot of variety, the jousting is really cool, the instance is quick and fun, and the raid is really challenging. Although, from a lore standpoint, I have a severely hard time justifying its presence soundly, but that's a completely different concern entirely.

What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

Sound conflict. I'm a lore geek, and not once this entire year have I seen anything that makes sense. I have yet to post about my disagreements with the game's story since I started this blog, and the recent problems on the class forums with Ghostcrawler and the community are keeping me from doing so as of late; it'll feel as though I'm just griping if I speak passionately and without thought, so when I've gathered my faculties without seeming like a QQ-tard, then I'll be replying on the subject. For now, in response to this part of the meme, I'd like to see things make sense within the lore and the story. Currently, there isn't a lot of assured steps being taken, things feel thrown together, and I'd very much like to see something written well. I'll elaborate on this topic soon. Or you can just invite me to your vent and I'll go on a long tirade about all the shit I have problems with.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Actually getting off my ass to do Loremaster, and I'm so damn close, too. Before the New Year, the damn achievement is going to be finished.
Also, my Violet Proto-Drake. Big scores on that as well.

What was your biggest failure?

Letting drama get to me. On occasions, you can't help be part of shit going down, but thankfully, all that mess has blown over. Less stress in the game, and honestly, there really shouldn't be any. It's a damn game. Too many people get hung up on silly things.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Lore debates. When someone on a vent somewhere would be like, “Hey, random-statement-on-lore-base-shit-that-isn't-accurate-at-all,” I'd jump on their ass. We'd have at it, especially the whole Garrosh v. Thrall or Thrall v. Varian debate. It's funny how there are contemporary stereotypes in the community on factions and faction leaders, backgrounds and stories, and people really don't know about the story they play in.

What do you wish you’d done less of?
Stressing about gear. While this game is very driven towards what you've got and what it looks like, it's also what you can do and how you do it. People tend to forget that. Even I did. I was swepted up in that bullshit of “hey man, Ulduar's coming and you gotta run Naxx out the ass to get ready for it,” or “Dammit! Didn't even get all of my T8 and now the Tournament raid is coming? We gotta hurry!” Fuck that noise. I'd rather just get it when I can, no rush, so I'm not pressured. I'd like to roll with the homies, yeah, but you shouldn't be gauged by what you're wearing, just what you can push yourself to do with what you've got.

What was your favorite WoW blog or podcast?
My favorite WoW blog is actually a WoW-themed comic, Looking For Group. I really like to laugh, and while there is a good amount of blogs that make me chuckle on occasion, most of the time it's srsbiz. I like to get on my reader or check out sites about the game and know that people have a sense of humor.

Tell us a valuable WoW lesson you learned in 2009.

Class balancing debates are moot; quit QQing about how you're nerf'd or someone else is buffed, it's a roller coaster of extremely complex mechanics. How long has D&D been going on and it's still imbalanced? Roll with the punches. Stop whining. The fact that you can't adapt means that Darwin was right and you'll be the first to go, still crying as the strongest eats you alive. There is no status quo. Change is the only constant.

Acetaminophen and Caffeine: Ears are ringing, pugging, and my new house

2009-12-13T12:51:00.000-08:00

Sonamabitch, I haven't been to a club in a while. I need to get out more. My ears are still ringing, my lower back feels like puddy, and I'm pretty sure I'm missing my left eye. Shit, that music was awesome.

So who's loving the new LFG system? Cassandri kind of does, but not entirely.

I fucking love it. I've been fairly slutty with it. Oath has gotten two new T9 pieces through it, Oneironaut got one new piece of T9 a few days ago as well, and hell, I've been leveling Qi with it and it's been working out really well.

In Emberstorm battlegroup, seems that most tanks are DKs and paladins, and they all have over 40k health. The average DPS runs about 3k, the most I've seen without AOE was 5.8k, single target, from a warrior. Healing is a yawnfest, and Oneironaut has felt it too, as the tanks are ridiculously well to do. Only in the new instances have I, or any other healer I've been with, had some trouble. I have had only ONE bad group. Seriously. I'm so amazed at the knowledge in a general scope of players in my battlegroup. The one bad run was Occulus, naturally, and there were three people in the group who'd never been there. It was the first time with the new system that I have had to give instructions. Most of the time its “hey, hi, hello,” then a silent and ridiculously fast run. When everything is dead, everyone says “thanks for group, great job, see ya,” and that's it. The system is up for nigh on a week, it's sound and efficient, and I am severely impressed.

Another thing I noticed is an armor proficiency spectrum. I'm not sure if this was implemented in the game deliberately, but I've not been in a group that hasn't had at least a cloth wearer, a plate, and either a leather or mail user. Hypothetically, this would be me, as my warlock, a paladin tank, a DK DPS, a hunter, and a druid healing. Next pug is a priest healing, my warlock, rogue, elemental shaman, warrior tanking. The diversity in each group is really amazing and is implemented well. I'm drinking less in the afternoon because of it.

Enchanting mats come out of these things like a smashed-in vending machine. While suckers are buying my infinite dust at 5-7g a piece, the dust stock continues to rain down from the heavens in the pug groups. I have so many dream shards, I built a house outside of Orgrimmar.

Blogs to write in the week:
~ Kosei meets someone new
~ 3.3 lock gear, update epic gear list
~ Fresh 80's do what now?
~ Alignment, damn, wish we had it

Stay safe, drink lots, and remember, if she doesn't drop the pants today, just wait until the instance unlocks and try again tomorrow.

Homework schmomework, it's effing patch day.

2009-12-08T06:15:00.000-08:00

I should be writing a paper right now. I am, to an extent, I just needed to distract myself for a brief interval of time to say oh shit, son, it's mavafacken three point three!

My downloader is all done and ready, got it installed, so when I return from finals this afternoon and after I take a wee nap (been up for quite a while), you'll probably be seeing Oathbreaker and Oneironaut running the Emberstorm pug circuit for emblems. I'll also be trying to get into the new instances, hopefully with people I do wholeheartedly trust, because, you know, I don't want it all fucked up. At least not until I get an idea of what they're about so I can make fun of people for not doing it right.

I can say with great confidence that this new pug system will open up a torrential avalanche of Stupid Nubs. I cannot wait to fuck with people across my battlegroup. Isn't it sad that I'm not all that excited about new content, just new ways to mess with people? I'm touched in the head.

It goes without saying that my first task is getting properly geared through the new emblem system. I do want to try to get the Quel'delar blade for both of my 80s, see how fast I can grind my rep with the new Icecrown faction to get me some bullet-making for Oneironaut and neat patterns for Oath, as well as convert all that saronite I bought into some worthy titanium.

This is going to be fun. I'm excited! I suggest a drunken ventrilo 3.3 party. Someone set that up!

Acetaminophen and Caffeine: TNB, screenshots of gnome-lovin', and Dwarf RP

2009-12-06T06:46:00.000-08:00

Let's start a new regular. Each week, early Sunday morning, I'm going to force my lazy ass to get up and write. As a result you get a particular type of Oath, different in the sense that, usually, I have a bad hangover and feel like I need to barf. From now on, you'll get a weekly dose of my morning breath. I'll call it Acetaminophen and Caffeine, because there's no better breakfast.

Remember a while back I presented the hypothetical idea of RPing?

Hypothetical my ass. Meet Kosei, and her awesome bear, Curtis. Sorry Jaedia, I already have a pally, didn't really want a repeat, so I went with a class I knew the least about.

I have a few rules for myself when playing Kosei. I want to adhere to them as best I can, so as not to muddle anything about the character experience I'm attempting to have.

No General Chat, Trade Chat, or Whispers. I want an authentic experience, where face-to-face interaction is the only interaction I'll have. I'll treat LocalDefense as kind of a warning call, should the Horde try to attack. If I join a guild in the future, Guild Chat will only be for functionality and general communication, but not for RPing. Party or Raid Chat, like Guild, will be reserved to working cohesively as a group. It's all going to be in Say and emotes for me.

No Battlegrounds. She's purely meant to tell stories. I don't intend to take her into any organized battle, but if I feel I can make a difference in world PvP, I'll participate. So maybe Wintergrasp, Halaa, and the like.

No AH. The only kind of gear I can get is from quests, vendors, and any dungeons I may do. Getting gear at the AH doesn't lead to an adventurous person, just someone who can buy rather than quest for it. I also can't sell on the AH. I have to earn money from just quests, drops, and selling to vendors.

Perhaps I'll institute more rules later, if anything happens to come up that might inhibit me or enable something I didn't foresee.

I joined Moon Guard realm, hearing it was the heaviest in RP, and almost immediately I saw this apparent fact.

I was in the starter area, finishing The Troll Cave, when a fellow dwarf hunter named Ysmir passed by and greeted me. I jumped right into character.

What a friendly gentleman! Our parting was short, to say the least. Returning to Anvilmar to give Felix Whindlebolt his shit back, I found Ysmir slowly walking through the entrance as I was leaving.

The fact that he was walking, rather than just running, really strengthened the fact that I had gotten myself into something by joining this server. I had never rightly thought that I would ever actively RP. It seems fitting, though, being a writer by practice. I also enjoy the lore of the game thoroughly, playing within the franchise of Warcraft since the first RTS came out. Deep down, this was an inescapable inevitability, but I guess it took a bit of personal debating to actually try it. RP tends to have this stigma: RPing a character, WoW or otherwise, is nerdy. It's not cool. I don't necessarily agree, but I can say I've thought that at one time. It is a level of nerdiness I never thought I'd ever get to, but honestly, I quite like being nerdy.

Though he yawned first, I initiated the conversation this time.

I felt kind of bad about my RPing thus far. I had been the one to cut off conversations each time I had one. I was trying my best to level as fast as possible; my goal was to get to 10-ish so I could get a pet, then questing could go by more smoothly once I got a buddy, and then, inherently, RPing would be easier because I'd be able to obtain the resources I needed to do so. I bolted through quests to Kharanos, and after I got a few more in town, I ran into Ysmir, yet again, on the path.

Yeah, I was getting into it. I was channeling my inner Scottish. Afterward, I didn't see much of Ysmir, but I grinded through to 11, then made my stand to get that silly bear. Died a lot, had to get the timing just right with the Concussive Shot and the tame, as Mangeclaw has that insufferable interrupt. Got him, though. Huzzah!

More about Kosei in the future, she'll be getting her own section, and I'll try to update her weekly as well. Now on to something else!

I was running around Dalaran when I saw the familiar triple ponytails of my favorite little gnome, Hydra.

I was in a group for the Daily Heroic, so while I waited for the leader to find a few more members, I flirted.

Seemed Hydra was AFK, so I waited a bit, eventually she came to.

Oh, okay. I should be expecting Iridium soon, then.

Orly?! I checked out TNB, and to my surprise, I was mentioned in the latest episode! At about 1:29:42, they start talking about yours truly, particularly my post on Ezthree. I mean, maybe they talked about me mostly because it was a slow week for posts, being Thanksgiving, but I got mentioned! YAY! Thanks to Nibs and Fim for being uber sweet, and to Hydra for the sexy heads up!

Finally, got a slight sucker on the AH:

Inspired by Greedy Goblin's Moron of the Week, I couldn't help but try it myself. I say "slight sucker" because there were ten auctions, and he only bought two. Rather than the current price for a stack of bullets (that's a thousand bullets) at 3g70s, I sold just ONE bullet for 2g. Sorry Tamu. Should have watched the quantity.

Hunter v Lock

2009-11-24T11:48:00.000-08:00

First, big welcome back to my great and wonderful friends, Kailynolivia and Nocpsyrn! I missed you oh so very much! Now I don't have to cry from severe loneliness when I play...uh, I mean, cry...because...I'm so damn awesome. Yeah. That's less pathetic.

So Saresa and Brigwyn Have lost their damn minds.

They've started a blogosphere class war. Apparently what had happened was that in an episode of THL Podcast, Brigwyn asked hunters to send in a screenshot of them misdirecting to a warlock. Saresa takes the misdirect and fires back, saying that warlocks, such as myself, need to unite, boycott The Hunting Lodge, and submit a screenshot of a hunter murder. Brigwyn retorts by insulting Saresa's pigtails.

First:

This doesn't mean I'm joining you, Saresa. You are all crazy. I kill people equally (except rogues, I have them on priority kill, those facerolling retards). I don't need anyone to say something nasty to me. Though if you did say something nasty to me, it helps quite a bit in killing you faster.

Second, I like Saresa. In fact, it's safe to say I have a blogger crush on her. It should also be said that I have a blogger crush on Jaedia as well, and while she is a hunter who has voiced partial involvement (an involvement, which, I would assume, is only by persistence of class), I still want to make blood elf babies with her.

Kitchener, you so awesome.

Let's stop the senseless animosity. I say this partially because I already have the Pandaren Monk and I totally would have taken Brigwyn up on his screenshot-contest-thing and dusted off my level 46 orc hunter had I not a Pandaren, but c'mon, really, everyone just group hug! Here at D2C, it's all about the lovin'. Speaking of, Saresa and/or Jaedia, call me.

No more Hunter v Warlock. Just hold me.

Rogues suck. :x

The Search for Ezthree: My Road to Pilgrim's Bounty

2009-11-23T11:22:00.000-08:00

First, thanks to my great friend IRL, Rawq, for fixing my computer! You rawq my socks off. Har har har. That was lame.

I am an achievement whore, and with the advent of Pilgrim's Bounty, I had found something that sated my carnal needs and rewarded me with only the sticky goodness keystrokes and mouse-clicks can give: an adventure and a turkey. This blog post is so damn hot right now, I'm about to bust a holiday chestnut (roasting on an open fire) up in this bitch.

I had completed a vast majority of the achievements required for Pilgrim and was left only to do Turkey Lurkey. My faction's rogues weren't so hard to find, obviously, but trying to find Alliance rogues proved to be a challenge at 4 in the morning. Perhaps I should have waited a day, but when I am so damn close, I'm bending that sexy minx of an achievement over and spanking it until she knows who's whose daddy (told you this blog post was hot).

So how do I find an Alliance rogue? PVP. Yeah. They're usually in there. I queued up. After about three really fast AVs (sorry, no screenshots) wherein I tried really hard to go south and not north and died quite a bit in the process, I managed to tag a human and a night elf. Halfway to my goal and not wanting anymore beatings (as if it would have been different had I tried to fight back), I sat outside the Silver Enclave to see if I could catch a dwarf or a gnome.

Well, I'm patient. I can wait.

Had that shit bound to 1. I'll get you, rogue.

After about 15 minutes of patient waiting, I saw a dwarf in my periphery heading to the right-hand doorway of the Silver Enclave, so I took aim and fired, tagging him as he went around the corner. I was one rogue away from delicious achievements, so now was the time to hunt the little man down.

I ran around Dalaran some more before I realized that it was getting near dawn IRL, and perhaps I should find a way to expedite the situation before I keel over in exhaustion. I signed on to my Alliance toon and ran a search.

Ouch, that many gnomes on and only two rogues? I guessed I should have counted myself lucky at that time in the morning on a medium population server. Like Sherlock, I made an assessment: Tuckie in Dun Morogh wasn't going to cut it; a level 1 character could sign off while I was in transit to him, so Ezthree was my gnome. I hopped back on Oath, bound for the Wetlands.

That'll make finding the little bugger a little easier.

I took a flightpath from UC to Arathi. At this point you may be wondering, “Oathy, darling, what makes you think that gnome won't sign off? What makes you think he'll still be in the Wetlands when you get there? You know, that's a big place, sweetheart, a macro is useful, but do you think spamming it while traveling the length and breadth of the zone will warrant success? You could have whispered him on your Alliance toon to make it easier on yourself, my dear.”

First, you're creeping me out with all the terms of endearment. KNOCK IT OFF. I was only assuming Ezthree wouldn't sign off, since he was in the Wetlands at level 31, he was most likely questing. If he was questing, then he wouldn't be leaving the zone. The Wetlands, like any other zone, is a really big place, and finding Ezthree would be like finding a needle in Varian's pubes (it'd be difficult, because we all know Varian's pubes are legendary for their prickliness and needle-like quality). I wasn't going to spam the macro all over the zone, that's just foolish. It made more sense to spam it in certain areas of the zone where points of interests are. Finally, whispering? Seriously? Where's the fun of that? Did Captain Ahab tell Moby Dick, “Hey whale, you wait right the fuck there, and I'll come to you, kill you, and reattach my leg”? No, sucka. He very well did not do that. I hunt my game like a good hunter...err, warlock.

I took the journey south to the Wetlands, spamming my macro only when I passed encampments of NPCs, small buildings, or hovels. I headed west, figuring that my first main objective was Menethil Harbor. If he was anywhere first, he had to be at the Alliance stronghold. I get to the gates, making note that the guards were only level 42, so I ran by with no intent on killing anyone. My macro grabbed Ezthree almost immediately, and instinctively I stopped and started whipping the camera around to see where the target circle was. In whipping the camera around, I accidentally ran into a house and aggro'd the family within, who yelled for guards, who came to greet me with stern looks of disapproval. Dammit, Menethil Harbor is like Goldshire: there's spawn guards. It got to the point where I could not have ignored the guards, so I fought back, but as they would fall, more would spawn. At this point, Ezthree came out to see what all the ruckus was about outside, no doubt hearing the strident calls of pain, as I am known to leave in my wake, both on the battlefield and in the bed. Scandalous!

I politely asked him to wait while I killed those who sought to protect him. I wasn't going to hurt the little guy, I only wanted to shoot him with my turkey gun. Eventually I quelled the threat of guards and lead little Ezthree to the bridge outside, beckoning him to follow. He did, and when I knew it was safe, I took aim and gave him a face full of feathers.

WOO! Good prey! Good hunt!

He came up to me after I had turned him into a turkey. I hugged him and thanked him, and he jumped up and down and spun around a bit.

Later on, I had thanked him on my Alliance character, but he didn't respond. Safe to say, he might have been a new player, so this might have been interesting experience for him.

Happy with my achievement, I headed back to Dalaran to celebrate.

It seemed I was not the only one with it, as there were a few Alliance players outside Silver Enclave with their titles and turkeys out. So we celebrated with fireworks.

To all my American readers, Happy Thanksgiving! To everyone else, I hope the start of this holiday season finds you in good spirits!

I'm thankful for gnome rogues shaped like turkeys and curvy ladies.

Ensign, Status Report

2009-11-15T11:23:00.000-08:00

THE DILITHIUM CRYSTALS, THEY CAN'T TAKE MUCH MORE, JIM! THEY'RE ABOUT TO BLOW!

And they went boom. :O

On November 13th, 2009, my computer, for three years, a faithful servant to my whimsical fancy in all things writing, photo-editing, and gaming, succumbed to senility and, inherently for his kind, became a paperweight as a result.

I have a corrupted boot sequence. My computer is a prefab from a company, so rather than being awesome and giving me Windows XP install discs, they gave me a recovery disc, which does not do the same thing. It restores OS problems from the hard drive itself, through a partition, therefore I have two options: restore destructive (wipes the drive completely), or restore backup (wipes the drive completely, saves only the settings, not the documents or installs). I've already had to do this once before, last December, the first time this hard drive crashed. The only way around it without losing anything on the hard drive is...well, there isn't any way around it. I have to wipe the damn thing. The recovery console is impossible to access.

I'm sure it doesn't help that I have two blown capacitors. Yup, I played with two blown capacitors for eleven months. I'll take a picture and show you guys sometime.

I'm writing this from my father's computer, a device made only for business spreadsheets, document printing, and Facebook surfing. Photoshop has not been installed on this PC, so I can't make hilariously funny screenshots or clever little banners of awesome. You've only my seductive words to keep you by in the meantime.

Safe to say I can't play WoW for a while, but that's okay. I'll be back in the game soon.

Pseudo-poll for my readers: If I were to, say, hypothetically make a character on a different RP server to actively roleplay with intent to create drama, heartache, ridiculous RP adventures, and overall hilarity, what faction, race, class, and spec should I be? Hypothetically of course, I wouldn't be writing a regularly updated log of this possible character in the future at all, should you reply with your responses so I could make him or her to write about. Nope, not going to make him or her at all, purely hypothetical.

Apple App Store Inadvertently Advertises Bloggers

2009-11-09T11:22:00.000-08:00

Small update, mostly because I like when people get represented in places unexpectedly.

If you read my back log, you know that I have an iPhone. It's sexy, user friendly, has everything I want in a mobile device and more, and anyone advocating those "iPhone killers" over this well-made piece of machinery can swallow a knife.

I have a morning (afternoon) tradition when I wake up: check the iPhone systematically. I look at my email, which is pushed to the phone, there's a Facebook app, as well as my texts I gander before I even get out of bed. Once in a while I'll peruse the App Store to see if anything had been updated, or to look for new apps available that I might want (the free ones, I'm only going to pay for your silly apps, Apple, if they're unavoidably cool, like Bebot or Oregon Trail, and yes, Oregon Trail is awesome, you can shut your damn mouth about it, naysayer). This morning, I was looking abouts on the App Store, no updates, just browsing, and I decided, hey, Oathface, check out the WoW apps, maybe they have something cooler than just the Armory or a Murloc Soundboard (I don't believe they have one, just saying, that would be cool though). The vast majority of the WoW-related apps, as I've noticed, were mostly RSS Readers, tailored for certain interests among players, notably, class-specific blogs. I looked at a few. I saw links on the general Readers for sites like World of Matticus, MMO-Champion, and WoW.com (seen as WoW Insider); but because I'm a warlock, naturally, I looked at the Warlock News App.

Two bucks for a feed reader? Nah, I'm cool. The only real difference between this specific app and the other class blog apps is preloaded RSS feeds. As a result, you're paying for a feed reader with a class theme. You can add and delete blogs at your liberty, so really, it boils down to the name of the class that is displayed at the bottom. I'll just get up out of bed and move the distance of stupid to the computer and read all of you bloggers from there. My stinginess outweighs my laziness. Though I didn't buy it, I still scrolled down to look at the screenshots.

Well look at that. Ain't that the bee's tits. I follow these five blogs, amongst others, for all my warlocking needs (sad to say YAWN and Draining Souls are decommissioned). Grats to Nibs, Dagpep, and my ~~seductive gnome baby's mama~~ friend, Hydra, for unpaid advertisement! I guess it's not really the App Store that advertises blogs, but LoL Software who does. So my title is wrong, but hey, got your attention. Sucker.

And as a postscript, thanks so much to Jaedia for her honorable mention on her sexy blog, and the others at Blog Azeroth for their warm welcome! Glad to be part of the WoW Blogosphere!

Stupid Nubs: the AH Edition

2009-11-06T14:08:00.000-08:00

Once again, another edition of Stupid Nubs for you today. This time, we hit the AH.

In lieu of my friend, Hydra, making gold up the wazoo, my blog-following as of late has been focused on places like Greedy Goblin, WoW Economist, and WoWenomics, all in an effort to give greater gravity and girth to my goldsacks (har har).

One of the posts suggested to put vendor-sold items on the AH. I like messing with dumb people, in fact, that seems to be all I write about. So I got on Runface and ran around TB purchasing things. Only a few, though, because in the likelihood I don't sell anything, I don't want to have a ridiculous surplus of Skinning Knives on me.

Of course we've all seen it: AH items that don't make sense. We don't buy them, who the hell would? Seriously, no one can be that stupid.

I grabbed stuff, mostly items you'd need for mats, posted them, and in a few days I found that, yes, there are actually people out there who buy vendor items from the AH.

That would be ONE Rune Thread. At a base price, no faction discount, of 50s each, I think I made a significant profit.

Again, just ONE Eternium Thread, not a stack, receiving a 350% profit. The fact that this guy bought three auctions of the same item makes me chuckle.

I decided, hell, why not, let's get ridiculous. I bought coal. Sold by most Blacksmithing Supply Vendors, 5s base price per piece of coal, I bought a stack for 47s 50c with faction discount on Run. I posted it for a ridiculous price.

Seriously? C'mon people. That's just retarded. IT'S FUCKING COAL. You paid me that much for coal?!

20 yards. That's all I have to say. I made a little more than a daily quest by moving 20 bloody yards.

Messing With Gold Farmers Beggars: Killermanjac

2009-11-01T10:46:00.000-08:00

This post will solidify one particular trait of my gamer personality: I am an asshole. I will openly admit, as a disclaimer, that I went out of my way completely to screw over this Rogue, Killermanjac. I try not to live my life with regret, in real life and in-game, so therefore, even in retrospect, I don't feel an ounce of guilt. With this in mind, on to the messing-withs.

I'd gone AFK on Oath, busy eating a messload of candy (anyone else notice the lack in the number of trick-or-treaters this year?) and watching the third replay of Night of the Living Dead on AMC, when I glanced over, Reese's smeared all over my face, to see this:

I think we can all agree that beggars are annoying. Usually, I don't do anything about them, but, in my sugar-addled mind and with the notion that I've been writing a blog for the last several months about Warcraft anthropology and sociology (my server is pretty much a bunch of chimps, save for a few of you, and I'm Jane Goodall), I had a twitch to mess with this sucker. Despite my twitch, I let it ride, seeing if he'd ask again or if he'd do something. He did:

I hate when other players would do that. I'm sorry, Dalrak, that you had fallen victim to this douchehat. Please, allow me to assist you.

He found me in Orgrimmar, then like a good little gold beggar, opened trade, no attempt to convince me to give him the gold, just another useless turd asking for another hand out. It also helped my irritation that he's a rogue. I fucking hate rogues.

He can has Cow Level.

Yes. That's right. I used Direbrew's Remote. He went in. That's a good beggar. Jump when I say jump. After about five minutes of silence, I leave party. After about another three minutes, he whispered me:

Kekekekekekekekeke. :P After another two minutes or so, to which, I assume, he'd gone into the room and destroyed the barrels, then had become accosted by some piss-drunk dwarves, I get a response:

To conclude: there is no Cow Level. No, I don't feel guilty. Yes, I am an asshole, but allow me to illustrate with another screenshot.

Stupid Nubs: Fangore

2009-10-23T01:32:00.000-07:00

If you're on my server on Horde side often enough, you may have ran into this guy. So you're a pretty good tank in a fairly well-to-do guild, Fangore, but when you type stupid shit, I'm right there making fun of you on my level 58 DK bank alt, The Run Bus, like I would anyone else. Just because you look scary doesn't mean that you are. Trade Chat, you never fail to entertain.

I was not aware you needed a special paper for rape.

No one will know of the raping if paper is involved and it occurs in the sewers.

I do win.

Did he just call me a murse?

I lol'd like crfzy too.

Boiled Goose

2009-10-15T18:09:00.000-07:00

You've probably seen this. If you haven't, start doing the Bartman.

A boombox is not a toy.

A Good Pantheon

2009-10-05T11:02:00.000-07:00

He asked in trade where he could get Salvaged Iron Golem Parts, Goblin-machined Pistons, and an Elementium-plated Exhaust Pipe for a Mechano-hog. So I told him.

Helping is cool. :)

What a Long, Strange Trip It's Been

2009-09-25T13:08:00.000-07:00

Indeed it has!

Brewfest was my last holiday I needed for the achievement What a Long, Strange Trip It's Been, as I'm sure it has for everyone who had been keeping up with the holidays and working for a year to get the mount.

I went about it much in the same way as most have: doing all the achievements left in the Brewfest section of the World Events, leaving Disturbing the Peace for last. Rather than just purchase the clothes, I had intent to return them after I had gotten that achievement.

So I'd gotten enough for the Brewfest Regalia and the Brewfest Boots (I had the Brown Brewfest Hat from last year) and bought them.

Oh yes, the refund blue text. I like it! As long as you don't keep the items in your inventory too long or alter them in anyway (armor kits, enchants, etc.), you can just give them back and get your tokens returned. You can wear them and they're still refundable, which is awesome.

Like renting a tux for a wedding. It's probably going to come back the same way too: covered in alcohol, bridesmaid spunk, and smelling like hell. At least in the game, you don't lose your deposit.

I took the zepp to Warsong Hold, the FP to Dalaran, and drank my face off. Then I targeted an AFK'd dwarf hunter at the landing point and did that dynamite /dance.

That dwarf didn't know what hit him. Dirty, mannish bridesmaid. It's cool, I couldn't tell if it was male or female, but really, who can? Boobs, moobs, ehh. Both are hairy, (s)he was AFK, and I was drunk (don't use that at an actual wedding as an excuse when you get with sasquatch). I haphazardly made my way to the mailbox with the grace of a 2000ms latency retarded chimp with palsy.

“To not celebrate our victories is another form of defeat.” So true, Life-Bender, so true. I'm going to drink more. That'll make me more victorious. Nobody likes a loser.

So I turned on this bad boy, jumped off Krasus' Landing, and totally RUI'd (Riding Under the Influence) that sucka. Sidenote: what if there were traffic cops in this game? Yea, it'd be balls.

I came to notice that things felt weird, and at first I thought, hey, I'm drunk (in-game and IRL), perhaps it's the inebriation. Maybe things are quicker and whip by you at lightning speeds when you're this shitfaced. I looked at my buff bar and happened to mouse over the proto-drake buff.

Oh shit son! I'm faster than your average bear! That's pretty sick! I had no idea this mount was going to be that fast! I just thought the Mudder's Milk was just really really good today.

I went back to the Brewfest Camp in Durotar and returned the sullied garments for a full refund. The goblin gave me a reluctant grimace as he took my beer and sweat drenched clothes from me and gave me back all my tokens. I used the tokens to get the Brewfest Pony Keg (I've always wanted one, but never got it for one reason or another), the Pint-Sized Pink Elekk (damn Peanut wannabe), and Blix's Eyesight Enhancing Romance Goggles (mmm, sexy orcs). 'Twas a grand holiday!

Stupid Nubs: Allbino

2009-09-19T16:05:00.000-07:00

On this edition of Stupid Nubs we have Allbino, the beggar, ~~from the guild ALL BEEF~~. So. Good.

Isn't he cute? Inorite. Enjoy the weekend folks! Pirate's Day and Brewfest! WOOO!

I'll be posting stuff on Cataclysm once I finish my papers and junk.

The Guild: Season 3

2009-09-02T11:29:00.000-07:00

The Guild recently released the first episode of their new season!

Tensions in the guild are still running high since we last left the Knights of Good, and the first episode sets the stage for even more antics when KoG faces raiding rivals (let's hope they're Horde).

Check out the new episode here! Enjoy all!

Gearing through heroics; of emblems, drops, and reputation

2009-08-31T11:16:00.000-07:00

Originally submitted to WoW.com to apply for the Blood Pact Columnist position. After nearly 3 weeks with no word, I can assume I didn't get the job and it's alright to submit this here without them griping at me.

So you've just dinged 80 in the midst of 3.2, my young and eager warlock. You are relieved that it's all over: the trepidation of leveling through Azeroth, Outlands, and finally, the dreaded frozen wastes of Northrend. You've conquered great things and have killed many and collected those trophies in the name of experience, money, and the exaltation of your respective faction. Your quests are all but finished and you have reach the highest and attainable echelon of greatness...or so you think.

Level 80 is but a cornerstone, the bread to the butter, and with enough time spent around those of your standing, you seem to still be a bit rough around the edges rather than bathed in a glow. What could it be that keeps you from brushing shoulders with the warrior over yonder with the really long title next to his name? Why does the priest just pass you by, offering no healing or fortitude, but instead, giving just a wince and a scoff? Surely you are just like them! Why must they be so short with you? Why don't they give you their attention, of which you so rightly deserve?

Because you're looking kind of poor, kid. Screw the blue staff, Jimmy, It's all about the Professor Plums! You make look awesome in your crafted blues and perhaps an Ebonweave piece or two, even with some of those rare items you happened upon in the faceplant-of-snow that Arthas calls home, but really, you need teh epix.

Below I have outlined every possible drop, purchase, and redemption you could get much in the same way holypaladin.net has for, well, holy paladins, without having to set foot in a raid at all. I'm not saying raiding is bad; by all means, snatch up that DPS spot when and if the opportunity should arise. But unless your guild has a schedule or you've got the patience of mind to deal with a PuG raid, heroics are the best way to gear out and look your best.

I'm just going to safely assume that you've got all four of the reputation tabards handy and a good amount of blue items from questing or crafting. You're ready for those heroics. Put the voidwalker away. We're starting with heroic drops.

Heroic Boss Drops

Ahn'kahet: The Old Kingdom - Wand of Ahn'kahet
Azjol-Nerub - Sash of the Servant and Rod of the Fallen Monarch
Culling of Stratholme - Band of Guile
Drak'Tharon Keep - Overlook Handguards
Halls of Lightning - Woven Bracae Leggings
The Nexus - Gloves of Glistening Runes
The Oculus - Cuffs of Winged Levitation
Utgarde Keep - Annhylde's Ring
Utgarde Pinnacle - Girdle of Bane
The Violet Hold - Azure Cloth Bindings

I left out Skirt of the Old Kingdom from Ahn'kahet: The Old Kingdom because, as a warlock, you don't need MP5, but if you can't get Woven Bracae Leggings from Loken but the skirt drops for you and no one else wants them, by all means, take them. Just another step to bigger things.

Let's say you've done a number of heroics now, gotten reputation by wearing tabards and have now reached exalted with some of the Northrend factions. Here are some reputation rewards a warlock should consider in the road to greatness.

Reputation Rewards

Exalted with Argent Crusade - Signet of Hopeful Light
Exalted with Kirin Tor - Robes of Crackling Flame
Exalted with Ebon Blade - Belt of Dark Mending
Exalted with Wyrmrest Accord - Sandals of Crimson Fury

Each costs a fair bit of gold, nothing too steep though, so acquiring these shouldn't be a problem if you focus on certain reputations.

You've now gathered quite a number of the Emblems of Conquest in running heroics, an emblem, which, in my humble opinion and thanks to the recent patch, makes gearing up all the more satisfying. How you spend them – whether you trade them all in for Emblems of Valor or Emblems of Heroism, or even go straight for those Conquest pieces – is rightly up to you. Below I've listed, from Heroism to Conquest, any and all items you might be interested in. Once again, I'm ignoring anything that has MP5 on it. Life Tap FTW.

Emblems of Heroism Gear

Plush Sash of Guzbah, 40 Emblems
Ward of the Violet Citadel, 25 Emblems
Handbook of Obscure Remedies, 25 Emblems
Encircling Burnished Gold Chains, 25 Emblems
Sundial of the Exiled, 40 Emblems
Chestguard of the Lost Conqueror for Heroes' Plagueheart Robe, 80 Emblems
Gloves of the Lost Conqueror for Heroes' Plagueheart Gloves, 60 Emblems

Emblems of Valor Gear

Wraps of the Astral Traveler, 60 Emblems
Xintor's Expeditionary Boots, 40 Emblems
Slippers of the Holy Light, 40 Emblems
Band of Channeled Magic, 25 Emblems
Disguise of the Kumiho, 25 Emblems
Legplates of the Lost Conqueror for Valorous Plagueheart Leggings, 75 Emblems
Mantle of the Lost Conqueror for Valorous Plagueheart Shoulderpads, 60 Emblems

Emblems of Conquest Gear

Evoker's Charm, 19 Emblems
Sash of Potent Incantations, 28 Emblems
Touch of the Occult, 28 Emblems
Legwraps of the Master Conjurer, 39 Emblems
Breastplate of the Wayward Conqueror for Conqueror's Deathbringer Robe, 58 Emblems
Crown of the Wayward Conqueror for Conqueror's Deathbringer Hood, 58 Emblems

Running heroics is one thing, but knowing you could potentially get epic quality items from a regular instance, ergo, a resettable 5-man, is another. Trial of the Champion, both on regular and heroic, drop purples like a piñata drops Smarties. Work this instance and own it. Leave the money on the dresser.

Trial of the Champion

Regular
Belt of the Churning Blaze
Bindings of the Wicked
Handwraps of Surrendered Hope
Mantle of Inconsolable Fear
Leggings of the Haggard Apprentice
The Confessor's Binding
Signet of Purity
Brilliant Hailstone Amulet

Heroic
Spectral Kris
Boots of the Crackling Flame
Gaze of the Unknown
Embrace of Madness
Kurisu's Indecision
Sinner's Confession

Now let's say you're hard at work at those heroics. You're so tenacious, you do every single heroic each day, amassing 53 emblems a day. You're such a good heroic-running warlock you do both the regular and heroic daily as well. Doing the heroic daily now rewards two of those lovely Emblems of Triumph, the highest emblem currently in the game. Hypothetically, if you ran the heroic daily each day, it would take you 200 days to collect enough Emblems of Triumph to get each of the following items, though you probably wouldn't want all of them, depending on how you play the class. Spirit has become quite useful to warlocks since 3.0.2, both in fel armor as well as contributing with a tier bonus/glyph bonus, which is why most of these items are viable.

Emblems of Triumph Gear

Brimstone Igniter, 25 Emblems
Hood of Smoldering Aftermath, 75 Emblems
Hood of Clouded Sight, 75 Emblems
Pauldrons of Catastrophic Emanation, 45 Emblems
Mantle of Revered Mortality, 45 Emblems
Band of the Invoker, 35 Emblems
Shard of the Crystal Heart, 50 Emblems
Talisman of Resurgence, 50 Emblems

And finally, with the introduction of the new emblem system, raids, and instances, tier 9 has become available. Before the recent patch there was two tier sets with two types of quality within each tier. For tier 9, there are three types of quality: Conquest, Triumph, and Heroic Triumph. The latter two can only be attained through raiding, but the former, that of Conquest, can be redeems for Emblems of Triumph. Doing the heroic daily everyday would take 105 days to grab the entire set. If you were to forgo the above list of Triumph Gear to obtain the list of items below, I wouldn't blame you.

Tier 9 Conquest Gear

Horde
Gul'dan's Hood of Conquest, 50 Emblems
Gul'dan's Gloves of Conquest, 30 Emblems
Gul'dan's Robe Conquest, 50 Emblems
Gul'dan's Leggings of Conquest, 50 Emblems
Gul'dan's Shoulderpads of Conquest, 30 Emblems

Alliance
Kel'Thuzad's Hood of Conquest, 50 Emblems
Kel'Thuzad's Gloves of Conquest, 30 Emblems
Kel'Thuzad's Robe of Conquest, 50 Emblems
Kel'Thuzad's Leggings of Conquest, 50 Emblems
Kel'Thuzad's Shoulderpads of Conquest, 30 Emblems

There you have it. Every possible item of epic quality you may want as a warlock fresh to 80, save for the PvP items and raiding. Hope all of your heroics go well and you top those DPS charts! Gear out and experience what you can, it's not often we can see the Cataclysm on the horizon.

I'll be posting later in the week on my reactions to the new upcoming expansion, been busy all week with school and work and IRL stuff. I'm such a slacker, I know.

Oneironaut DING! :D

2009-08-19T11:13:00.000-07:00

Thanks to everyone who was there and to all my friends! Now after two and a half years as a DPS, I can do something different.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still Oathbreaker. Always will be.

But who can say no to this sexy troll?

The Guild - Do You Wanna Date My Avatar

2009-08-18T08:02:00.000-07:00

I have to confess, I haven't been following The Guild.

I stopped watching the show around the end of season 1 because I suck at keeping up to speed with things that aren't books or comics, especially episodic shows (viral videos, television, Youtube serials). I'm going to go back and watch them all again now. This renewed my geek crush for Felicia Day. :P

Stupid Nubs: Brodlan, and Bbcami update

2009-08-16T17:07:00.000-07:00

To go along with gold spammers and farmers accosting me often, I tend to run into idiots on a regular and severely painful basis. Let's start a new series I'm calling Stupid Nubs, where ignorance is our entertainment and their stupidity is their folly.

I begin with Brodlan, a level 14 Druid of the guild Cannibal Club. The fact that he's a cow in a guild called Cannibal Club makes it already quite funny.

I was on my bank toon, Run, selling items and buying items when I get whispered.

I hoped that he was. Sadly, he wasn't.

I have a problem with ignorant people. I'm professionally an educator, solely devoted to the enrichment and furthering of young minds in academics. I sought to give him culture, but mind you, it is a game, so epeens persist.

I have my DK gear on me. I never deleted it, despite needing the bag space. I have him follow me then within an instant, I am fully geared, a health pot later and I'm up to nearly 5k health.

I put the seed of “Your kind tires me,” in hopes he'd grab at it and I could rightfully snap, but he doesn't, and the hammer remains fanned back.

By his kind, I mean boisterous, idiotic people who spout forth every thought and think that their perspective on everything is the right one. With his simple “and?” statement, I knew I was in for a particularly interesting conversation. People like him are the reason why bad pop music is considered good and Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are still in existence.

He get's half credit, for being midly coherent.

I /lol'd. On a personal note, I need to type better. If I'm going to be an elitist prick I need to make sure I'm infallible.

I still have no cock. Best. Comeback. Ever.

Because you can so hack the WoWzerz.

FUCK IT! I concede! He's got me! He's fucking got me pinned, 10 seconds, I am done!

You know what my fear is? People like him fail upwards in life. He's going to be a politician or a stockbroker when he grows up. By all means, my readers, please, destroy him. If you see him, berate him and make him go Alli, so I can camp his ass.

On a side note, Bbcami, the really nice gold farmer, messaged me some time ago. I've been meaning to tell you all, but I've been really busy.

She's always whispering me now when she gets on, it really is nice of her. Then, on an off day, I went to Durotar and found her. She had to make another character because the account with the character Bbcami got banned for obvious reasons. She was on Kbcami when I went to see her.

We hung out for a little while then I asked her, “Hey, you ever get bored and just, you know, want to play the game?” She actually responded with a yes, and despite having to spam people, because that's what she was paid to do, I went with her around the Valley of Trials and killed stuff with her!

Yea, that's right. I made a gold spammer level. I rock worlds.

Messing With Gold Farmers: Bbcami, and New Pets via Hydra!

2009-07-30T15:09:00.000-07:00

On occasion people will impress you, even gold farmers and spammers. Here is one such case with Bbcami.

Despite a few attempts to see if I could get a rise out of this particular spammer, I found that in a complete farce on my part (to which, I am sad to say, might reflect some players, to whom I apologize forthwith and in no way am I intending to make light of such a predicament but merely trying to find some fashion in which I could exacerbate a situation), I had come to find that spammers can be genuine people who, in their own way, show charismatic empathy.

I was heading out to Grizzly Hills to fish up some salmon, and while in FP I get whispered.

I tried to quickly come up with something clever (I really should just start making a list of things I can say with gold spammers and keep it in front of me while I play) but all that came to mind was a recent wowbash I had seen. I'm sorry that I couldn't come up with anything original for this one.

What can I say? I'm only here for the bare necessities. Or since I'm heading to Grizzly Hills, the BEAR necessities? No? Okay.

Bbcami doesn't care about competition. She knows her product is good so she upsells no matter what.

Yea, I know, I'm a copycat.

Apparently she is too. Maybe they're trained to say that? I particularly think it's bad for business. Gold sellers should make it so their product can be easily distributed amongst the entirety of the populous rather than those who could afford purchasing their dirty money.

I retort.

Oh no, my dear Bbcami, you're not getting away from me that easily.

You'll teach me?

Hmm, that's where they must make the money then. They take begged-for gold and flip it on those that pay for it. Compelling evidence of ill-gotten gains!

Then she starts to have a conversation with me beyond business, which I find odd. I've never really seen a gold spammer take effort in the way she did. So I go along with it, lying my ass through. Again, my apologies for any coincidental happenstance.

I really really really want to get a job as a gold farmer/spammer/seller. Why? Just because I'd like to see how their immoral enterprise works and report back. Anytime I get a chance, I try to get my foot in the door.

Around this time, I can hear on vent that some guild members are working on achievements in 5-man heroics. The last thing most of them needed was one more boss and they get Northrend Dungeon Hero. They get it, about 20 achievements from guild pop on my screen, and my shit computer crashes and I don't get a chance to screencap some of the convo with Bbcami. Grats to my friends! Balls to the continuity of this blog!

So to paraphrase what I didn't happen to screencap, Bbcami then tells me that a fantasy world isn't a good substitute for the real world (pretend what I'm saying is in broken English, then it's like you're seeing the screencap), and that on occasion, she feels depressed too. But she never gives up hope and loves life and wants to keep going. I agree, but then my computer crashes because my guild is so goal oriented.

I reboot quickly, log back in, and I message Bbcami.

I am a liar, I know. I recall an author once said that all writers are liars. I fancy that statement.

Good gracious it's pathetic that I'm acting pathetic. Honestly, I apologize.

Seriously, that was really sweet of her. What if I had the misfortune and fizzled social life I had created for myself? In such a projected situation, Bbcami succeeded in showing a willingness to going beyond the business of annoyance and truly display particular human modicums of empathy and compassion. Knock on wood, forgive my lying, and I hope that I haven't greatly offended anyone in the process, but truly, Bbcami did something that was immensely unexpected.

I did add her to my friends list and I hope I could talk with her again and possibly tell her the truth. I honestly do feel bad for lying about it now because she had been so nice. I guess I share this not to display the usual awkward hilarity that comes from dealing with gold spammers, but to show that people, genuine people, play this game, either for ToS-illegal businesses or for fun, and that it isn't so closed off and individually-minded.

On a lighter note:

Thank you Hydra for rocking my socks off with new pets! I gave her all the horde ones as an even trade, and in the future we'll be having more pet switchies. She's my fave Alli! :D

Wowhead Tooltip Test

2009-07-14T01:09:00.000-07:00

Test time. Trying out the Wowhead Tooltip script for blogs.

The Soulblade is my new Main Hand. I got it a while ago.

I've always wanted a Thunderfury, Blessed Blade of the Windseeker.

My fishing reward today was 2 Elixirs of Water Walking, a Porcelain Bell, and some Deviate Fish.

Edit: Doesn't work in the preview, but works just fine after publishing. Awesome! :D

Messing With Gold Farmers: Jurkzertliy

2009-07-09T20:39:00.000-07:00

So I'm leveling my paladin, Oneironaut, and I get a whisper from a spammer.

Gold Farmers, you silly little bitches. Why must you be so tenacious? Even after China tried to pass a law against you, here you are, knocking at my door, wondering if I need your sweet, sweet lovin'. You haven't any idea what I'm about to do. I'm going to show you. So. Hard.

It occurred to me, not too long ago: what if they were met with the competition? What would they do?

Don't flatter me, Ivy. Hey, let's get her in on the fringe benefits of my operation!

Ho-ho! Waving a big one there, ey, Ivy? Your monetary girth got challenged? 40k not that impressive to you because you've got that money in the bank, huh? Fine. Play hardball, I'm gonna toss you a curve.

At this point, I'm trying my best to keep chatting her up, asking her if she's there or if she would like even a single stock in my company. No dice.

Velver gets on the vent after his raid. During the conversation I was having with "Ivy," Form gets accosted by the same Gold Spammer. I tell Velver, he knows about my blog, so he wants to mess with her too. So I give him the name and he whispers her:

He asks me what BS website I gave.

At this point she must know we're shitting her, and Velver let's me know. I urge him on.

She decides to play along, and I tell Velver to keep going. Hell, I tell him to start saying outlandish crap.

Sure, it's not exactly what I said earlier, but it's good. Makes me look like a delusional farmer myself. 100k my ass. I tell him, "Don't hold back."

Yea, that's not holding back.

She must be all about getting a new job. Skills to pay the bills!

ROFL...too far? Yea, maybe juuust a little.

The #4 Best Way to Get a Gold Farmer to Stop Talking to You: creep them out.

Thanks Velver and Form for the assist! If anyone out there has an idea of how to mess with a Gold Farmer and they'd like me to try it out, put it in the comments, and I'll give it a shot.

I saw some fireworks.

2009-07-05T00:30:00.000-07:00

Hey, sorry for not saying a hell of a whole lot lately, been somewhat busy with distractions of social affairs and work related fluff. Priorities, priorities.

I'm currently eating a brownie and drinking chocolate milk, reading about engineering changes in 3.2. My paladin's going to be able to have an AH in Dalaran. Sweet. I still think it'd be sweeter if they lowered the price on the motorbike. Hey, Blizz? No? K.

A few guild changes and I'm rather sad, but hopeful, for the future of me and my friends. Symphony of Pain, our brother guild, recently acquired three of Love Machine's most affluent players, all really close friends of mine IRL. I hope Velver, Kristanthia, and Form succeed and do well for the Symphony. While they aren't too far away, I am sad to see them go. They have alts in our guild, but it still sucks to see founding characters move on. Get them phat lewts!

IRL, today I had a good dinner at an Italian restaurant with my cousins, then we went downtown and saw the fireworks display. We stopped in for drinks at the local speakeasy (it was actually labeled just so, quite charming), then called it an early night. Very relaxing, had a wonderful time.

Hope everyone had a nice 4th here in the US, and I'll be sure to update sometime in the week, and hopefully with a comic! :D

Messing With Gold Farmers: Bokame

2009-06-19T20:50:00.000-07:00

Gold farmers have gotten wiley lately, whispering us, yelling in the city, trying their best to get us to buy their product. It's an ingenious enterprise: free advertising for illegal goods and services. Drug dealers and pimps can't get it this easy! I'm going to try and make this a series, see what kind of shit I can pull. This first entry is of Bokame, a level 1 female orc warrior who was trying to be friendly. I can't say I began with as much warmth as I usually do, but I did with as much caution as I would have if I met a baby with a hand grenade.

It's not against ToA to list off your favorite combination meals. I blame coincidence if she was really Chinese.

Attention iPhone Authenticator Users!

2009-06-17T02:27:00.000-07:00

In a recent article on WoW.com, they discussed the upcoming iPhone OS update, but warned also that if things were to go wrong that you should probably write down the serial number found in the authenticator so as not to lock yourself out of your own Battle.net account.

Read up on the article if you own an iPhone or iPod Touch. I know a few of my guildies have it. I'm sure to write down the number in my phone, just in case. :)

ZOMGZ I GOT LINKD

2009-06-16T22:27:00.000-07:00

Wow! I got linked! YAY!!! :D

Thanks to Hydra from Almost Evil for linking me on her blog and getting me on TN's Twitter! I feel part of something! And here I thought I was talking to myself. No seriously.

You've given me the will, and I shall continue on, so next up: Outlands Redux, Leveling an Alt in WotLK!

Thanks for reading! :D

Mountain Dew: Go Eff Your Face

2009-06-15T18:21:00.001-07:00

During most in-game events you'll usually find me wading through the achievements and attempting to collect all that I can of the annually, or even one time, occurrences that may affect our World (of Warcraft). I've bested each of the holidays, did what I could during the Olympics, paid $20 to try out in the World Open Arenas, and, even out-of-game, when the pay-per-view Internet stream goes up for BlizzCon 2009, I'll be there too. I enjoy the community of WoW and the events they hold for it. EXCEPT ONE.

DICK TO MOUNTAIN DEW AND THEIR BULLSHIT GAMER FUEL.

I see on WoW.com that, oh shit Timmy (my name's not Timmy, but anyway), screw your dailies, get on the interwebs, ticky-da-tack on your keyboard to Mountain Dew's Website and get a free, no questions ask or money dumped, battle-bot pet!

OKA, BBLKTHXBAI.

I go in, ticky-da-tack that jive and I am all up in that bottom right button for the bot, YEA! EFFING ROBOTS ROCK! I redeem that shit so hard, I'm so excited, and almost instantly, poof, the little dude's in the mail.

I get him, I set him up, and what do I find: A SEVERELY EMO ROBOT. His tanks are empty, his demeanor is depressing, he just sulks; If I saw this thing at a party, he'd be the friend of the friend who doesn't know anyone, doesn't socialize much, and gets left in the crowd when the friend who invited him goes off to the pool area AND HE DIDN'T BRING HIS SWIMMYPANTS. Disclaimer: I'm not that guy. I've always been told there are two kinds of people: those that know and love me, and those who haven't met me yet. You can shut your trap right now. Toot toot, that's my horn.

So I try to cheer him up: ask him what he needs, seems he's all outta juice. I play him some upbeat music (Belinda Carlisle isn't his bag), get him a Zoloft (my CD tray is stuck now because I tried that), hell, I kill Alli for 20 minutes with him out, nothing.

I scan and skim articles on this new pet; seems I need to give him some in-game fuel. Alright, now how do I go about getting it? Let's just play assumption, since the home page for the little guy has the words "redeem," "enter to win," and "claim," I'm just going to assume you have to participate in this jazz. So I register.

They ask for my email, address, DOB, if I want a newsletter (I don't care, I'll throw it out or delete it, pfftt, whatev), if I drink Pepsi products, I say yes (hardly drink soda), how much, I give them the max (brown nose), and twenty-three skadoosh, I'm part of the Horde...of sodadrinkers. So I get tokens and every 15 minutes I could win...stuff. I really just want my robot to stop being sad. I keep browsing this Flash-enabled BS of a site to find where I get Robot Juice and just as I'm about to have a brain aneurysm I punch a hole through my screen, kick a baby, and storm outta the house (not really, I'd never punch my screen, but I keep a stack of babies next to the PC tower).

It must be in the bottles, I thoughtfully think to myself. I grab my 1887 Ol' West Duster and Canesword, hop in the Corolla, and bomb down the avenue to the Super Target.

At the Super Target (say it like the French), I bustle about trying to find a bottle of the sultry nectar. Don't you worry, my little battle-bot friend, I'll find you the power you need. I move quickly and with purpose, up and down the aisles, my duster flapping with my stride, my Canesword in my hand, banging into the fake linoleum with every other step. I accost a women with a red polo and khakis, the blade of my Canesword upon her jugular. I ask her politely, "TELL ME WHERE BE THE DEW WITH THE ORC AND THE NELF." Her fear is palpable, her direction, true. I find a cooler towards the front with both types of Mountain Dew. You will be merry, my new little one, merry you shall be!

I had not the time to mince about: I had to make a choice between either. While in my core I am Horde4LIFE (represent), I did not want to tarry from other possibilities; mind you, the pet doesn't care what color runs through its veins but that its veins are full of spunk and hoohah. The cooler also happened to be in the express lane, so there was a line forming behind me and I wasn't even holding anything to purchase. It was more annoying when the old lady in the electric shoppy-scooter-with-a-basket behind me kept inching closer and closer to my ankle with a surly grimace. I grabbed a bottle of each, paid, shot the scooter woman a nasty look, gave a shifty glance to everyone around me, yelled, "LOK'TAR OGAR!" and stormed out, clutching my two bottles and banging my Canesword.

When I returned home I proceeded to examine the bottles. I looked behind the labels, under the caps, no code, no form of in-game redemption. Piece. Of. SHIT. Stupid assumption. I look abouts some more on forums (which I should have done), and I found out that you have to click the same bottom right hand button to redeem the fuel. No purchase necessary. Ess. Ohh. Bees.

I do that, and within the hour, I get my in-game fuel. I apply it, my little robot is no long emo-bot but HELLYESTHANKYOUJESUS-bot. The digital joy on his digital face made me squee with simple elation, and if I hadn't have gone to all that trouble, it'd have been better reveled.

Joseph got his battle bot and fueled it up as well (with the opposing color, and after I had told him of my adventure so he didn't have to bother with that shit) and we made a stand to do battle in the UC.

What proceeded to happen was the most anemic battle between two robots I've ever seen, and I've seen a shit ton of robot battles. I thought, hey, they look kind of like the Clockwork Christmas Bots, maybe it'll be as cool as that, NO! They just kind of spin around and a ribbon of lightning is between their hands. YOU'RE LAME BATTLE-BOT. MY ANKLES WERE ALMOST RAN-DA-EFF OVER BY A OLD BAT CUZ OF YOU.

Dejected at his not-so-awesomeness, I decide, why not, let's take a swig of this swill I got next to me. Since I'm Horde4Life (represent), I take a mouthful of the Citrus Cherry.

I gulp, gag, run to the kitchen, fumble through the cupboard, get a glass, and chase it down with vodka. Disgusting. Sheit. It's like someone took a Sweet Tart, crushed it up, and made me snort it through my eye. I was a little afraid to try the blue one.

I go back to my room with the bottle of Smirnoff in hand, just in case, and I open the blue bottle and took a taste. Tolerable, still dreadful, but far better than that red-orange crap.

I pour out both bottles into the bathroom sink.

To conclude: Mountain Dew, you suck. I don't like your attempt to sway the gaming public to buy your gross products. Also, you owe me new PVC pipes for my bathroom sink because your product ate through to the cabinet below.

And your commercials suck. SRSLY?! Okay, commentary:

I get that you're trying to make it seem HXC, but this is painfully the opposite. Yea, attractive chicks sell, but wtf. The Horde chick turned into a beefy male orc. Some girls play dudes in the game, but not like this. It's like the citrus cherry flavor has a full dosage of testosterone or something. I honestly got really scared the first time I saw her scream bloody murder and then morph into a dude. "RAAAAAHHHHHH $25 SEX CHAAAAANGE!"

DON'T YOU SPEND A CENT ON EPIC MOUNTS

2009-06-11T01:35:00.000-07:00

SERIOUSLY.

Stop stop stop! Recently WoW.com announced that there will be some severe mount changes.

Blue poster Zarhym made a very important post on the next large patch, 3.2, stating the following changes:

Regular land mounts trainable at level 20 (was 30)
Epic land mounts trainable at level 40 (was 60)
Regular flying mounts trainable at level 60 (was 70)
Regular flying mounts speed increased to a 150% gain (was 60%)

Apprentice Riding (Skill 75)

* 60% land mount speed
* Requires level 20
* Cost: 4 gold
* Mount cost: 1 gold
* Mail will be sent to players at level 20 guiding them to the riding trainer

Journeyman Riding (Skill 150)

* 100% land mount speed
* Requires level 40
* Cost: 50 gold
* Mount cost: 10 gold
* Mail will be sent to players at level 40 guiding them back to the riding trainer

Expert Riding (Skill 225)

* 150% flying mount speed; 60% land mount speed
* Requires level 60
* Cost: 600 gold (faction discounts now apply)
* Mount Cost: 50 gold
* Can now be learned in Honor Hold (Alliance) or Thrallmar (Horde)

Artisan Riding (Skill 300)

* 280% flying mount speed; 100% land mount speed
* Requires level 70
* Cost: 5,000 gold (faction discounts now apply)
* Mount Cost: 100 gold

Cold Weather Flying will remain unchanged.

Excited?! I am! now my pally and my rogue won't have to pony up the coinage to get their epic flight too. Huzzah! Hope 3.2 comes soon!

Because I Had to...

2009-06-06T12:23:00.000-07:00

Kekekekekeke. Hey Hydra, your cat's gonna be SEXY.

I Am Love Machine

2009-06-04T03:04:00.000-07:00

One of my best friends, Jen, and my guild master, gave up her position of the latter tonight. She's been focused on the real world and her personal life that she's had the most difficult time contributing and managing the guild that she, Joseph, and I started. She had the desire to give it to Joseph at first, but then upon hearing he may be on hiatus, gave it to me. I am now the GM of LM.

I'm going to do my very best to run it as she would have, making it a comfortable place for friends, family, and new acquaintances to learn and level. Our intent a long time ago when we started this guild was just that, to fly under a banner as friends; I've never let go of that fact and will continue to keep it just so, and the potential that it can have, I believe, is still there.

I know some members have a willfulness for change and a sense of discontent of where they are, and that's understandable. Each one of our views on what we want out of the game and what we may think is fun is very different from others. To everyone I say: do that which makes you happy. You don't have any obligations, just know that LM is base, it's safe, it's home. You're always welcome and will always have support from the guild.

We're in this together, right? Kill Alliance, kill the monsters, get the money, get the gear, brag to the lowbies and newbs?

Let's l33t it up together. Hold my hand.

I'm a WoW Pack Rat

2009-05-31T13:07:00.000-07:00

I have problems collecting stuff in the game.

I still have the faded picture of Linken and his girl. I've been exalted with the Argent Dawn, but I still carry the commission. I have copies of each one of the gold coins in my bank. I have around 1300+ copper bars. I only recently had to give up my tier 4 set to get more bank space, and I have all 7 bank slots bought with 20-slot bags in each. I just converted my DK into a completely exclusive and professional bank toon, with two guild bank tabs.

And I still have overhead. Across the board. Oath, 5 alts, and a bank toon. All bank slots bought on each, 16-slot bags or bigger in all slots. THERE'S STILL SO MUCH CRAP.

I have a problem. I do my best to sell things I don't need.

They should have a WoW Storage Center. A place where, for gold a month, will just hold my crap. Or allow me to have a house somewhere in Eversong with a basement and/or attic. My Tranquil Mechanical Yeti needs a backyard to play in with trees and a fence.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who has this problem. I have so much crap I don't know with what to do (eat that preposition trying to finagle that sentence).

I spend the day spring cleaning. In WoW.

An Actual Love Machine!

2009-05-25T12:46:00.000-07:00

So I was messing around photoshop making a logo for my guild for fun. I decided to look around on the internet to see if anyone had a concept similar to mine and I found this:

How neat! :D

WoW stuff in the works. Still need to do my dailies today, though I'm feeling quite crafty. Let's see what that gets us.

I'M NOT DEAD, SERIOUSLY...

2009-05-24T11:12:00.000-07:00

...but like anyone reads this aside from 2 guild members and occasionally Hydra, with whom I have a black market deal to shifts some factional pets.

Where have I been? I got this other game I play, IRLCraft, it's fun. I have gone out almost every night for the past month and a half. Last night was quite the punctuation to all the evenings and late nights. Today I just intend to play WoW, so mayhaps when a particular facet of the game tickles my fancy that I'd like to share, I shall.

Story INC! I've been fixing it to my specifications, not the rushed piece of crap I churned out in a night. I like it, and I think after people read it, they should take a trip out to Tarren Mill with me. :)

YEAH, WELL, I'M HOTTER.

2009-04-11T18:30:00.001-07:00

:( Well I tried.

Upcoming blogs:
Creative Ways to Spurn Gold Beggars
Hillsbrad: Story Preview
I'm Sexy: The "About Me"
Gear Update: This is How I Do
Dance Suggestions for 3.1 or Whenever It Comes

Interspersed with rambles. I should be writing a story right now. Due tomorrow. Preview of that to come tomorrow as well.

I'm Sure Battle.net Will Get Better With Time

2009-04-01T16:59:00.000-07:00

So a few days ago after they announced the free Mobile Authenticator for Blizzard's Battle.net accounts, I thought, why not? Safety first, right?

For those of you who don't know, Blizzard has had in the works a way to consolidate their gaming library and security of their online registration and accounts for their loyal customers by way of their Battle.net system. In the past, the system provided for Warcraft, Diablo, and Starcraft players the benefit of having one online account handle per user for all three games. Revamped and back in action, Battle.net is really streamlined and severely easy to manage; the conversion from a WoW account to a Battle.net account is smooth and even has capabilities to put multiple WoW accounts on one Battle.net account. You can even consolidate your registration codes and ownership of Blizzard games on the account as well, making an interactive library.

The Authenticator is what got me. The idea of the security authenticator code generator started a few years back when online accounts started getting hacked, so Blizzard offered a service to combat this for just a few bucks: a keychain with a digital display. The keychain would display an 8-digit numeral that changes approximately ever 30 seconds working off an algorithm to generate the given sequence. The algorithm is attach to a certain identity code, written on the back of the keychain, and syncs up with your account when registered online. This makes it impossible for anyone who isn't you to log into your account. Recently Blizzard offered for iPhone and iPod Touch owners a download to a free application that does exactly what the keychain does called Mobile Authenticator.

My iPhone is now my key to WoW, but not without a price. Like most of Blizzard's exploits since BC, the system is flawed. Everything's rushed with them lately, and the Battle.net system still has problems during log in, keeping those that have a Battle.net account out of the connecting process to the server. The Authenticator works fine, but switching to Battle.net has kept me off the game for periods at a time. I'm still keeping my Battle.net account (not like I have much of a choice, it's irreversible), but I just find it annoying when I have to check internet ping just to make sure it's not me.

It's a neat concept and I like it when it all works smoothly, but on technical issues Blizzard needs to not rush so much for new advancements or content of the system. We end up with these fragments of awesome things but never the whole super-duper.

Blizzard, slow down. Gimme super-duper when it's ready, not this half-assed stuff. BEE TEE DUBBYA, How's 3.1 going? :D

OS: No, Mister Dragon, You Can Not Has Wipe

2009-03-27T10:50:00.000-07:00

Almost my first 10-OS without one death, but definitely my first 10-OS without a wipe. Way to stay alive there, Squarepant. Trump it to a druid healer to leave the MT last man standing.

We had the dance down: an "IN MELEE" on /rw and we were in, an "OUT RANGED" and out we went. I worked on elementals, how I died was because the back group started getting spliced where OT was trying to grab elementals, but the ones I aggroed kept getting less and less interested in him. I like the left side of the back of the island where I can keep an eye on the melee wave and be right where I need to be for the range wave. The OT was pulling to the right and center of the back when elementals came, so that's where the splice started. It took about three of the fire buttholes to start to be distracting enough that I didn't see melee wave and I did some lava swimming. came out, only took one AOE for an elemental to one shot me around 20% left on Sarth.

I wish I was faster with screenshot, Squarepant had only 42HP when the dragon fell down and then his HP started coming back. Great job everyone!

OMGWTFBBQ, WHERE YOU IS

2009-03-15T13:55:00.000-07:00

So I said I was going to type something here. Like, I don't know, words of some sort pertaining to this game I usually play. Lately I've been busy. Let's start up them excuses.

Work: I teach kids, and recently I've been enlisted as the go-to guy when it comes to the young, new recruits. We teach all ages at my tutoring center, but only a few of the several tutors we have can handle the bouncy, undisciplined younglings that tend to not want to do anything educational. In the last few weeks we just got a parliament of new owls (what we call them, our mascot's an owl, so in following, so are the kids) under the age of 12, so now I work quite a bit of hours.

Outings: I have gone out almost every night for the past 3 weeks. No offense, you WoWers out there who know me and play alongside with me, but if I had the distinct choice of going out or playing WoW, I go out. I'm a shatbag, I know.

WoW: Who dropped $20 about 2 weeks ago for the arena realms? ME. Blizz gets me fully tricked out in 25-T7 or Deadly gear, blue gems and high-end enchants galore, weapons I've never seen anyone have on the live realms, as well as the Amani War Bear as my default mount, all in the hopes that through $20, my would-be talent as a PvPer would shine so that they may reward me with up to $75,000 should I come out a golden god of arenas. Thus far, these are my woes:

Made a Warlock, realized I suck at Arena at my own class. Reconsider talent builds in the future on the live server. Started making a bunch of other classes I've always wanted to try at 80.

Pally: It's about as brainless at DPS could get. Holy, IMO, way too OP.

Rogue: Movement is my one true friend. That class is tough to perfect but easy to be an idiot at. Goooo Mutilate!

Mage: Too many abilities.

Shammy: Too many totems AND abilities.

Warrior: No. Just no.

Death Knight: Didn't get it when I made one, don't get it now. A melee warlock with a pretty sweet grab. That's all I can surmise.

Priest: Everyone's going Disc, but I'm having a hard time figuring it out.

Druid: I think I was more entertained that my AP was so high in feral and I looked so damn cute dancing in different forms. Resto? I'll leave the HoTs to my buddy, Joseph.

Hunter: Strafe, shoot, strafe, shoot, strafe. The one class I promised myself I'd never play because I always thought it was so OP and cheap, I'm actually having the most fun at.

Pretty much my entire guild has joined the arena servers, and I'm currently running three 3v3 teams.

On a more different note, on the live servers my three-guild accordance, with Hand of Doom and From the Ashes, has been making small steps to finishing Naxx progression, but because of everyone's schedule we've been having a hard time getting all of us together; the last two weeks we haven't been able to really get it down where all the organizers are present. Hopefully this week will be different.

OH! ALSO! I'm currently writing for the recently opened Blizzard Writing Contest! I'm taking my Hillsbrad idea to the Loremasters themselves, hoping I've got a shot at the trip to Blizz and Frostmourne. Once I've finished, I'll put a small preview of it here, then when I hear how I did in the contest, I'll post the full story. Wish me luck! :D

Once the story's done I'll be updating a bit more. Omg Frostmourne.

Three Point One: Warlocks, or Unpeaceful Keyholes.

2009-02-09T19:01:00.000-08:00

Time for the shake down and my thoughts on the recent posts of 3.1.

Eyonix, Blue Poster for Blizz recently went down the line for some content coming up for the next big patch, 3.1. While 3.0.9 is on its way to fix the 3.0.8 debacle (Death Grip Wormhole, 2 minute cooldown on Satan TV with no Satan TV, amongst others), Blizz, teasing as they should, gave us a few of their definitive plans on THE patch. Let's admit it, this would have been in the expansion if they hadn't have been greedy little monsters trying to ship content out before Christmas 2008.

I'm sure you've read the posts yourself, so I'm just going to selfishly highlight some points I care about, because when I care about it, it's awesome.

I'm a Warlock. Let's talk Warlock. Zee Warlock changes!!!

* Improved Shadow Bolt – this talent now provides a 5% spell critical strike buff (similar to Improved Scorch).

Yea, because I've never understood the current Improved Shadow Bolt. When SB crits, my Shadow Damage is increased by 10% (neato)UNTIL 4 non-periodic damage sources are applied within the 12 seconds this lasts. What this basically means is that there can be N amount of DoTs, doesn't matter, but say Nightfall procs twice mid-SB cast, sending two SBs then proc, another two SBs, the 10%-bump gets scrubbed. Yea? Am I right? I don't know. With this new change, if it's anything like Improved Scorch, it'll be a ramping crit buff. If they're REALLY awesome about it, it'll get refreshed after each successive cast after ramping, staying on a plateau of crittackular rock and roll. I can only hope. Shadow Bolt is my number 5 key. I think in the new content patch, I'm going to break it.

* Improved Soul Leech – this talent now provides Replenishment (similar to shadow priests)

WHAT WHAT WHAT?! Sick dude! Now I'm not just an SS or a Soul Well or "Can-you-summon-me-because-I'm-lazy"-ticket-back-into-the-instance-guy. Why am I griping? I'm useful. Guess I'm going to try out Destruct.

* Drain Soul now has a chance to produce Soul Shards even if the target doesn't die.

Great, now I won't look like a retard when my fingers slips and I hit 6 instead of 5 in raids now (the 6 key is Drain Soul for me, 5 is SB). I'm trying to cast SB, finger slips, my tank (who's also got a warlock he's leveling) turns to me and goes, "Oath, he's not really dead yet, still has 1.3mil left."

Me: "Yea, well, I'm really confident about our DPS. QUIT HOLDING BACK."

* Siphon Life no longer as an active ability but the talent grants the old Siphon Life effect to Corruption.

Oh. My. GAWD. As much as I like DoTs like a Shaman Loves them totems, seriously, this rocks my gym socks to the stars. Afflict Warlocks, rejoice! Less crap for you to cast! now one DoT is two (only if you spec for it though).

* Curse of Recklessness and Curse of Weakness have been combined into one spell.

CoR makes them squishie (drops their armor) while hitting hard (ups their AP), something I used to cast only if I had a rogue or a hunter, though the curse itself wasn't really noticeable. Same with CoW, which made mobs or players hit like pansies. I can only assume combining the two curses makes the targets just downright feeble, less armor and less AP. Wouldn't it be awesome, though, if it did it straight up CoR then CoW with a residual armor debuff, with a ridiculous up and down of AP? It's like putting a backpack of bricks on their back, holding that hook-strap on the top for a while, giving them support for a brief second, then letting that bag drag them down. Then you do it again. What an awesome curse.

What to call it? "Curse of Hey-Quit-That-You're-Hurting-My-Neck."

* Consume Shadows – this Voidwalker ability is no longer channeled but has a cooldown.

Big Blue feel better? Tangtaz, you one bad mother. Yes you are! Yes you are! KIBBLER'S BITS!

What?! Tangtaz rules you.

But seriously, this rocks. I pop Consume Shadows, Health Funnel the rest, Tangy's good to go. Steamlining the farming, yea, Blizz?

* Several other warlock talents have had their ranks reduced, their effects changed or removed. This list includes but is not limited to Demonic Empathy, Shadow Embrace, Eradication, Suppression, and Pandemic.

The two trees I know and Love, Demo and Afflict, might get a tree revamp. Sadness, right when I was getting used to the new stuff...

* Additional new talents have been added.

...they put in more stuff. Am I excited? Yes! Let the darkness come, take me completely, so that I may share it painfully with the rest of the World (of Warcraft).

There's my thoughts on the 'Lock related jazz we've heard so far. I'll post more later on Ulduar, mana regen, mounts swimming, and dual-specs.

WTF WoW Armory?!

2009-02-07T04:59:00.000-08:00

Seriously, start working. Everything I try to use works off of you. Warcrafter.net. Mobile iPhone Character Profiler. Your innovative .xml itemization is paramount to all, problem being YOU SUCK AND DON'T WORK. I just want to get some ideas instead of doing my blind heroics and hoping something on the loot table drops. Stupid crap.

Your websites reflect your patches, Blizzard.

Speaking of patches, it'll be a bit until I write that response to 3.1 stuff. My brain hurts and I gotta work then nap.

Whoops, here I am!

2009-02-06T12:25:00.001-08:00

Sorry! I should be writing, shouldn't I? At least for this I should on occasion, since I play so damn much.

I've allowed myself to be taken up on the wave of heroics lately as well as IRL stuff such as writing, hanging out, working, watching movies, etc., you know, stuff where I don't have to cast Fel Armor every 30 minutes.

I was more or less prompted when I saw the barrage of new articles over the course of 2 days on WoWInsider about Blizzard's announcement of 3.1 content. What's my take on it all? I'll tell you today! Just give me a bit to wake up first. It's so damn early. Freakin' 3:30PM man.

Hillsbrad: Honeywell

2009-01-06T06:22:00.000-08:00

She wrings her arms, as though a chill pervades the warm air of her coastal town only for her. Most days she's usually found in her loft, reading parchment and tomes of ancient text and new studies, hoping one day she could join the new ranks of the Kirin Tor and leave Southshore for good. She's always believed that there was magic in the world, that which laid beyond just seeing it. It wasn't about just casting spells or weaving the arcane, but having a faith in the things she could do.

Today, however, she wrings her arms. She stands at the northern path, where the town meets the road, and stares at the foggy hills. Seven years.

She wants to go home. She misses her friend.

So hey...

2009-01-03T14:59:00.000-08:00

I had every intent when I started this blog with the name and that neat little graphic up top to bring back my old twink guild, or at least chronicle all those past endeavors we've graced in legendary battles of 19 bracket in fully-modeled comic-genre representation; but as of recent events (a small expansion, model viewer sacking, my computer dying) I'm having a hard time doing the webcomic part of this. So let's just stick with the name because I like what it means to me (one day I'll tell that story) and make this somewhat the "Almost Evil" of the Horde, so to speak.

My name is Ian. In game I am Oathbreaker. Everyone just calls me Oath. Hi, how's it going. I really want to rock your world.

2009-01-01T01:09:00.000-08:00

The first post of DtC and I didn't even do it! Done by a talented artist and player Bludlemon of Zul'jin Realm. I promise I'll actually make one of my comics or write something and post it soon. :D