Saturday, April 30, 2011

4.2 Needs to Piss People Off

Gonna be honest here, I think the game maaay be peaking. Or at least getting really close. I'm seeing less guildies signing up for raids, hell, less guildies signing on at all; there was a tumbleweed rolling back and forth in the AH today, and most people I've asked to go to ZA and ZG with me just went, "eh." I pugged Stonecore the other day and I heard crickets, fucking CRICKETS CHURPING when Slabhide was supposed to appear. THE BOSS WAS SCRIPTED TO APPEAR AND HE WASN'T EVEN THERE. Probably playing Rift or something on Steam.

I've seen it written about on other sites already through the years. Everything that takes commitment to enjoy peaks, as will WoW one day. So, Blizz, this modest Warlock implores you, in the upcoming patch:

That's right. I fucking said it. Kill him. Kill him really super hard. From a very objective and confident standpoint, I hope he dies and never comes back. I hope his voice is silent in the annals of Warcraft lore, I hope he will still be decomposing a year from now, and I hope we never fucking see him alive again.

Now why the hell would I want something like that? He was my Warchief for years. YEARS. I fought, bled, and died for him on a regular basis. I still fight for him now in hopes that he'll slap the shit our of Garrosh and take his rightful place as leader of the Horde, or make Saurfang Warchief (dear Lord, please). He has been an unwaivering hero through the toughest times Azeroth has ever faced, and despite all the hardships he's been through, he's shown such esteemed valor, strength, and fortitude. He has lead as an example to all, and for fuck's sake, do I want him to die so bad.

I'm going to comic-book nerd it up now. Just so you're prepared. Remember when Superman died? Obviously someone like him, as iconic as he is, could never die. But he did, and it was good. Then he came back AND THE STATUS QUO WAS REESTABLISHED. Captain America was shot after Civil War. Did he stay dead? NO, BECAUSE OF SOME DEUS EX SHIT. Uhh, he's actually been transported through space and time BULLSHIT. Fucking dick writers. Oh, and Batman in Final Crisis? Darkseid lasers him DEAD. Does he stay dead? NO, ASSHOLE TRAVELS THROUGH TIME AND OPENS A COMPANY WHERE HE MAKES AN ARMY OF PISSED OFF ORPHANS. Well, not really, but yeah. Didn't stay dead.

Point is, when a hero, who is part of an epic story, dies, he or she is capable of coming back because the universe is so big that anything is possible.


Fucking. No.

Here it is, Blizz. This is your one shot. Shock the gaming world AND MAKE THE FUCKING DEAD STAY DEAD. Aerith Gainsborough this shit with a Masamune. Seriously. Too many times have we faced evil and overcame it. Every challenge you've pitted against us, we've not only conquered, but destroyed. There have been numerous, seemingly ridiculous attempts at decimating the shit out of Azeroth, and have we saved it every time? Yeah, we have, and even in one expansion, pretty effortlessly. There comes a time when we need to make a mistake, when we need to learn; there needs to be a moment when we fall so hard that it does nothing but place pain, anguish, and suffering so deeply in our hearts that we have no better respite than to FUCKING FIGHT THAT MUCH HARDER.

I want his memory to lead as an example. I want him to be regarded by both Horde and Alliance as a fighter for all that is good and just in our world. I want us to stop finding a crutch to tangibly fight behind and just believe in ourselves.

Thrall needs to die and stay dead. Our universe has never known defeat or failure against pure evil. It's time to lose so that we can take a step back, humble ourselves, then keep moving forward.

Maybe his death (and his keeping to the whole dead thing, not coming back, and really being super dead) will create what Blizzard needs to keep the franchise going, rather than monthly panderings and hotfix rollercoasters.

We don't need a new system of finding guilds, tracking NPCs, or modifications to talent trees. We need to start worrying. We need to get piss.

Blizz, I want you to kick me square in the nuts. Kill him and never let him come back.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Warlock Pet Genders, huh?

Zarhym better be fucking pandering. You kidding me? I don't want to see an Imp with boobs, I don't want to have a bondage Incubus following me around, I don't want to see my Big Blue with two C-Cup Blues vaporiously floating in front of her, I don't want to EVER see a female Doomguard, and there can't be seriously genders for an Infernal or a Felhound.

A girl Felguard, that's fine by me, BUT THAT'S WHERE I DRAW THE FUCKING LINE.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Like a Week-old Baguette

Only I'm not so French, mon ami.

So you're probably thinking, "Seriously, Oath, what the flying fucking shit. You've made promises and said things and done things, you know what, fuck it, I hate you. I hate you right here, deep in the cockles. So much. So fucking much. WHERE'VE YOU BEEN, ASSHOLE?! You were funny, and entertaining, maybe even so slightly informative, but to get right down to it, we're sick and fucking tired of you not writing!"

Now, if you're not thinking that, thanks for being slightly considerate! I will not make any elaborate excuses as to my whereabouts, nor will I attempt to promise anything in terms of writing topics or dates from here on out.

I will say simply, as to the nature of my absence, that I've been busy. That said, I want to share a fairly general philosophy I carry with me and try to apply to most of what I do: there is a distinct difference to finding time for something and making time for something.

I will make time. That, I can promise.

Also, I have a YouTube account now! Yeah, now you'll be getting Fraps videos of me playing not only WoW, but a plethora of other games! Hopefully it'll urge more in the way of writing, but like I said, no promises on that. Articles will come when they do.

So check out for all my digital exploits!

Thanks for checking in, if you do, and I hope to fulfill your future cuddling needs.

PS. Wartenx, get back to me. Your free shit is collecting dust.