Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Said I'd Be Back...

Okay, consider that last one a lie. I'M A BIG DAMN LIAR. That's kind of okay though, because I've been busy with stupid IRL crap and now I can really focus on the most important thing in life: LVLZ, OMG. So I have hopes. Dreams. Aspirations. A credit card. And I'm about to get Guild Wars 2. The anticipation for this game has been mounting, and I'm bandwagoning so hard that I think I might even attempt to drive this sonofabitch for PvP. Yeah, when MOP comes out, I'll be there, being the big dick raider that I never was and getting my blood-letting kicks in GW2, so it'll be a simultaneous concoction of rum and vodka (which, in my book, both suck, because the gaming industry has yet to make my whiskey or scotch. EAT MY ANALOGIES). Where have I been since March? Day Z. Yeah, that's right, you might see me running around with the handle "[D2C] Oath" or just simply as "Ian," probably running full clip through Cherno or Elektro. Won't see me at any airfield without a buddy. Definitely shooting you up in a forest. Definitely on the other end of your hacking pistol. Douche. Though I have been recently fed up with all the alpha turds wiggin' code at me just to get their high-and-mighty jollies off. APB Reloaded. I got sucked into the frustration of this pay2win MMO (, more like MDSF, Massive Dick Swordfight). Playing with the people who populate those servers is like going back to second grade and trying to sling rhetoric. COMPLETELY lost on all of them, and hence you have to get down on their level, saying Timmy's a dookiehead, and now you're just another retard like them. More time wasted. Skyrim. Fuck. Drinking. This is coming from some angry stupor right now. What's up reality?! There's my rock glass. GOODBYE RELAITY. LAWL. WoW. I literally check in to make sure I'm still guild leader. ROFL. Sorry, seriously, I'll be really super back at expansion, though expect a lot of GW2 posts soon, maybe even a reawakening of my youtube channel. For now, I'm going to shake the dust off my MasterCard and make a poor decision. I'll talk to you guys soon. Hopefully. Probably not.

Friday, March 30, 2012

Back In Purple

I'm going to start off defensive.

I don't have to explain to you where I've been. All that matters is that I've been places, seen things, began drinking more frequently again, and recently took up playing WoW after an extended sabbatical.

I tried my DAMNEST to find something that wasn't as monotonous, repetitive, superfluous, and all together unsatisfying as WoW had been since the middle of Wrath.

So I tried Rift.

It's basically WoW, only slightly more button-mashy and pretty, and shit hits the fan every five fucking minutes. Here I am, doing quests for a harbor, trying to gather you assholes fish, then you tell me "DROP EVERYTHING, YOU ERRAND-RUNNING FUCK, AND DEAL WITH THE TENTACLE FUCKING IN THE FIELD OVER THERE" because your priorities are messed the shit up. No.

I thought, "I like comic books, more than the average comic book loving man, let's try DCU."

As soon as you start flying, just like City of Heroes, it kind of loses its steam. Though in that comparison, City of Heroes makes you work for your travel skill; DC Universe just gives it to you. So you know what? Steam, lost, 5 minutes. NEXT.

Oh EVE. The space cowboy in me will always have a soft spot for you. It was on Steam a while back for only $5 with a month free, so how could I say no? If it wasn't for the ridiculous rotisserie oven gameplay (set it and forget it, if you didn't catch the late night infomercial reference), then it'd be mildly fun. Waking up violently from your keyboard, accidentally raking up buttons off the spring mounts with your teeth, finding that, yeah, you've trained up Minmatar Frigates to level 4, but you're in a fucking egg, isn't exactly how I want to enjoy my MMO. Let's hit warp to something else.

Who doesn't like Star Wars? Aside from elitest Trekkies, lemme ask again: WHO DOESN'T THINK STAR WARS IS THE MOTHERFUCKING AWESOME SHIT?! I was excited just as anybody else that Star Wars Galaxies was getting the poopchute and The Old Republic was going to be my air-thrusting MMO fix for a long while.


I played with all of my little Sith soul, but there was no drive in all of Palpatine's creation to make me want to keep going with this single-player MMO. You know what? It's not even an MMO. It's KOTR with other people complaining in a box on the bottom left. I didn't once need to group up with someone because WoW taught me that I can usually do shit on my own. 'Lo and fucking behold, that sort of tenacity and personal perseverance stemmed towards not having to ask for any goddamned help from any goddamned nunces. I'm not paying $15 to show off my gear that everyone else has and talk about a story that everyone else already knows. Outtie.

Severely disappointed, completely burnt out, still needing my MMO fix, I start watching the Youtubes for something inspiring. Leave it to the Pandaria coverage to make me start having problems.

Monks are overrated. I'm going to make one, but I probably won't play it passed the starting zone. I already have a rogue. *smugface*

What I did start thinking about was all the things I haven't done. I've never played Alliance passed level 20 (the thought makes me vom a little, no lie, but to properly defeat your enemy, you have to know them, I guess). I should start a new Warlock to see the changes as he or she grows up. I've never killed the Lich King (don't judge me).

So it starts. Azeroth, my 7 year old friend, I'm coming home.