Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Motlcilk Attention *or* How I fear future raids with guys like this

Thanks to everyone who congo-rats'd my face off for Loremaster! I wanna date each and every single one of you. Really. I do. I'll get you a touch bit drinkedy and we can hold each other up at night. Mmm, Chambord. Right. On to the post.

Lemme preface this with a screenshot.

Having a Mechano-hog gets a reasonable amount of attention, particularly from low level players. I took that screenshot in Durotar, heading out to northeast Barrens for Loremastering (that sounds dirty) and Oxsam just randomly invites me as I drove by.

This isn't the first time.

I'm out in Tanaris, doing that Loremastering thing (I really like this new verb), disenchanting things, and, just as I get on my bike, I get invited to group. I've never been the kind of guy to deny an invite because I'm just some douche with better things to do; I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and see if they have something worth while to offer or if they ask for something reasonably easy. It's always nice to help, educate, or just hear out someone when the time calls for it. I also have a blog.

At the time, Hellbentaxis was level 52. I take a look around the area with a /who to the zone. Four other 80's, all in Gadgetzan. Why me? Eh. Let's see what you want.

I follow him, thinking, Probably just some asshole level 60 or something. This will be easy. He points to Bera Stonehammer.

Really? You don't know what “ganked” means? You poor, poor thing. I just want to rub your tummy and feed you cookies.

I continue:

Don't get me wrong, being a dick to you Alliance out there is fairly high on my WoW To Do list. Loremaster was above that, though. Though now that I am the Loremaster, expect a few post about my vacation in Goldshire soon. Kek. Where'd all this blood on the floor come from? This Inn is so nice! Look at the books and beds. Lawl. They think they're civilized. Silly monkeybots.

I can feel the pally looking me up and down, and not in the hot and sexy way.

The part where he goes “weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” is when he gets into my sidecar, if you couldn't tell. I drive out to the race track up north. He smalltalks.

Attempt 1: Was okay. You've almost got it. There's an “I” in there, somwhere.

Attempt 2: Better. You put the “I” in there this time. And really? “Like where?” I just want to hold your hand and show you Mickey Mouse. Take your picture next to him. You adorable little idiot.

I'm gonna buy you some formula and tuck you in, you sweet little baby.

I put him on my Friend's List. Charity cases hurt my heart. Expect an infomercial for “Newb Reach Out: a Charity.” For copper a day, you can sponsor this poor paladin. See as he stabs himself in the eye with gray trash drops.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

I am the Loremaster

I've been a Warlock close to around three years now, and each day I've played it's been nothing but a good time. I've had quite a lot of adventures and there are so many stories to tell, all of which will one day be logged here, but in the span of my WoW career, nothing has been as important as this.

I have a philosophy, taken from one of my favorite authors: “We owe it to ourselves to tell stories.” Nothing is more important to me than a good tale. I believe it wholeheartedly, that our society and the very existence of mankind depends on language, communication, and a history. Stories keep us together, make us believe in something greater than ourselves, and give us that which is most important of all: hope.

WoW, in a sense, becomes an extension of this philosophy. Sure, it's just a game, but in itself, it's a smaller version of an overall human society, and the same principles govern it. Human nature permeates through the simulated spells, bullets, and blades. So to find the humanity in our game, from day one of becoming Oath, I sought out quests.

The stories began innocently enough. I need these supplies. Can you deliver this message. We're being bullied and robbed.

Please, help us.

The more I ventured, the loftier the demands became. Rescue missions. Complex assembly. Long distances. Diplomatic representation. Political assassinations. Elaborate plans of warfare.

It's never been just my story, but all of ours.

As with any story, it will go on, and like all stories, it will end. Until that day, I'll do my best to represent this epic that took fifteen years to write. I will make it my duty to tell the tales that matter, IRL and in WoW, and in their telling, hopefully impart a sense of camaraderie with my fellow man.

I am Loremaster Oathbreaker. Have I got a story for you.

Thanks to Accio, Aiwendil, and Repello for being here, in person, for the final achievement, and, of course, thanks to Mooj and Scrubbs for being there in game. :)

Thursday, February 18, 2010

WoW.com Farms BlogAzeroth

That title sure as hell got you.

I can't say I'm the best at keeping up with things on the internet, but thanks to Velver keeping better tabs on this monstrous sea of words and pictures, I saw that today's Breakfast Topic at WoW.com was distinctly similar to my Shared Topic suggestion at BlogAzeroth.com, posted four days prior.

Now, considering I talk about WoW a lot with people and read much of the blogs, there has, at some point, been a post like this, mentioning meetings with other WoW players IRL, perhaps on someone else's blog months or years ago. I was hoping that, in my post to BlogAzeroth, the topic would be more at the forefront and would warrant another wonderful group activity in writing.

WoW.com was tipped off, perhaps not by anyone involved with BlogAzeroth (they didn't even cite BA at all), but I'd like to give the benefit of the doubt here and say it's all part of collective consciousness. You put an idea out there, it'll eventually spread like wildfire without word of mouth or visual musing, but just by the coincidental synapses of this silly fucking universe.

It's not the first time an idea of mine, or one that I planted somewhere, was manifested somewhere else by someone else. It comes with writing and batting ideas around.

I'm still going to write it. I guess I just would have liked to have seen the community have at it first. Yes, I am a bit prideful, Anne. Gimme a bit to calm down. Perhaps you should cite your sources so I don't have a fucking aneurysm. I REQUIRE MLA FORMAT.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Screwing with Hunters: The Quantity Check

Yes, I'm that fucker who sells hunters only ONE arrow. No, not a stack, not a half stack, not even a stack of ten. Just the single arrow. And you pay 7g for each.

I'm not sorry. Check your stacks. QQ your pewpews. I'll keep on laughing, you silly hunters.

Random Screenshot:

I missed messing with gold spammers/farmers.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Selling the Hog: It doesn't really work

After obtaining my own Mechano-hog and finding that Primordial Saronite was the AH crack, making a few more hogs wasn't hard. I helped get my friends and fellow guildies, Scrubbs, Freing, and Mooj, get theirs, but once the cash started piling up, hell, why not, let's make an extra one and see if someone buys it.

Made a macro.

“/2 WTS [Mechano-hog], new bike smell, streamers sold separately, PST with offer.”

I thoroughly enjoy it when people would proffer me with their queries on Trade Chat itself when I said “PST.” You're all a bunch of shitty readers who don't understand commonly used acronyms. I hope you get a curable but severely unpleasant venereal disease. I hope it burns.

The whispers began innocently enough:

I honestly didn't care what I got for the damn thing, so long as I at least got some profit beyond the 12.5k I spent to make it. I made 18k my going rate if people asked, knowing well enough that it was somewhat high, but only trying to BS calculations to see if people would take the high sale and try to haggle down.

The following whisper is entertaining enough, and Jt makes a good point. I try hard-selling him on 18k, just to see if he'll budge. I honestly believe him more than I believe myself, but gold is gold, and there's snake oil in my blood.

Still, the offers came, and still, they got funnier.

And the winner, Bleedinggums:

Thanks Trade Chat and the peanuts for all their good humor! Perhaps I'll do something fun with the server and the extra Mechano-hog in the future. Maybe have a contest or something. We'll see.

Random screenshot:

Hydra, you cutie. Don't go AFK, it feels like rape when I'm loving up on you and you don't move or respond. Especially when four of us surround you.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Dungeon Deserter: I want your justification. No, I demand it.

Explain to me something, you self-righteous tool. What makes it okay for you to judge someone based on their appearance? How is it justified that, after one look, you can conceivably conclude that someone wearing less than epic quality items in this random dungeon you've queued up for is going to waste your precious time and you'll take a 15 minute debuff instead of dealing with what you believe would be an utter failure?

It's people like you that make elitism an undying trend.

I don't get it. We're in this together and we should ideally be helping each other out. How the fuck is it alright to take 15 minutes out of using the Dungeon Finder because you saw your DPS with two or three greens? Are you going to be the factor that is going to perpetuate the difficulty of getting gear? Are you letting the “ignorance is bliss” mentality supersede your inability to help your fellow man? If you're not going to help, you figure, “fuck it, I'll skip this shit,” wait for a while, then try again and again and again UNTIL you get what you believe will be a worthwhile group. How do you live with yourself?

Are you the sort of prick who raises a child, sees that they aren't the sharpest crayon in the box, and, rather than help them succeed academically, have another fucked-up flipper baby in an attempt to see if that one's smarter?

Are you the douchenozzle that goes to a store checkout lane with 26 items in the 10-items-or-less aisle where the new cashier is, then give them a hard time when they're not sure how to ring up your difficult purchases with all your asshole coupons and ridiculous loophole-scamming, store-policy-exploiting bullshit?

Are you the tremendous cunt who drives 25 miles over speed limit in the construction zone passed the teenager who just got her license yesterday, cutting her off, putting her in a panic because she wouldn't get out of your way in time, causing her to careen headlong into a cement mixer?

It's sickening to think that this sort of attitude can be reflected in actual society and not just in game. They should put a ramping debuff instead of a flat 15 minutes, like the respeccing penalty increase. Charge them gold, time, and actual money because Mister Impatient Monkey Fuck couldn't deal with the fact that some people need to reach the standardize caliber through help and genuine camaraderie. Give people the benefit of the doubt and they usually impress you.