Thursday, March 11, 2010

Shared Topic: Eavesdropping WoW Conversations IRL


I posted a Shared Topic at BlogAzeroth.com. It's about IRL stuff. Autobiographical shit, GO!

We have moments where the game gets to be too much and we have to venture out into the -groan- World of Realcraft. Occasionally, a WoWer must stymie the addiction for brief intervals of fresh air and actual sunlight to buy groceries, hang out with friends (you have some, don't lie), or get a new monitor because you Sinister Struck your last one with a ballpoint pen because you were GY camped in WSG.

In any case, we're out there, working and consorting, and our digital lives await us, always on our minds, pervading our thoughts and, to a greater extent, our conversations.

You probably deal with not being able to play much in the same way I do: you talk about it. I tend to not want to do things alone, as a general rule, so I usually get people involved. As a result, with the exception of maybe two people, everyone in my guild is friends and family. Having a conversation about WoW at the dinner table isn't odd, it's welcomed usually, and when I head to the movies with two or three friends, we can always talk about gear or theorycrafting. Even some of my friends who don't play know well enough about it because I've been trying to coerce them.

In talking about it, you can't help but run into a few people who play.

I was at the swanky mall in my town (you've always got the three-malls-in-your-area situation where there's the shitty one, the okay one that all the locals go to, and then the rich one where you can't afford anything but it's nice to walk through and people watch and window shop), walking abouts with Accio, my sexy artist friend with impeccable music taste, and at one point, had to bio break. The first floor restrooms are around the main entrance way of the mall, down a lengthy corridor, ending in much of the mall service offices, such as security and the post office, complete with a bench directly outside of the restrooms and an ATM beside them. Accio headed for the ladies' room to powder her nose and I went to powder mine (read: piss). Upon leaving the restroom, I rounded the corner, and there, sitting on the bench, is some silly-looking, lanky bastard with glasses, corduroy pants (who wears those anymore?) and an Alliance t-shirt. I stopped and stared, more than likely scowling. He looked up and saw my reaction, a quizzical look on his face. I scoffed, actually high-nosed him, and sat on the bench farthest away from him.

“What?” he asked. I leaned in.
“Your shirt is absurd,” I responded, as condescendingly as possible. Yes, I'm an asshole. Don't care. To me, the Alliance has to justify their pride. I wanted to see if this silly boy could do so.
“You...you play WoW?” he asked timidly.
“Your new king is a showboat emo kid. Just so you're aware.”
He looked confused at first, then like a bad electrical connection, my button-pushing finally turned on some lights in his head.
“Your Warchief is weak. Wrynn will crush all of those green-skinned monstrosities.”

Oh, there you are, you arrogant prick. I was hoping you weren't just some confused child playing because you heard it was a good game and you begged your mom for her credit card number. Let's dance.

“Your king is a door-kicking unprofessional. His success in politics will be marred by a severe amount of emotional compensation, muddling his judgment, a trait he so severely needs in times like this since Bolvar is dead, Magni has his thumb up his ass, Jaina can only shake her head, Tyrande shrugs her shoulders, and Mekkatorque is a feeble little tinkerer.”
He reeled, then retorted.
“Sylvanas eats brains, the Tauren dude is old, the troll guy...I don't even know his name, Thrall's a pussy, and that blood elf guy became a raid boss! How could you allow yourself to be part of such filth?”

Really? That's all you've got? I wasn't even looking at him, I was texting Accio, who was still in the restroom, about the situation.

Lawlnewb on the bench outside. Check it. He's rockin the Alli cresty on his breasty. I'm making fun of his shoes and his fake ass sword.

I heard a violent flush as though Accio kicked the shit out of the reservoir instead of flushing it properly. She came 'round the corner, looking slightly flustered. She took a look at this guy, who was now discussing the importance of proper bathing, saying that the Horde was “overall, a stinky faction,” then joined in on the conversation.

“I'm sorry, my boyfriend and I have a scheduled Stormwind raid in an hour. We have to go home.” She took me by the hand and I was like wuuuuuuuuuut?

As we were leaving, the Alliance guy's girlfriend came out of the bathroom and she was FAT32.

I turned to Accio in the parking lot.
“So we're dating now?”
“Psshh, no. When you texted me, I saw his girlfriend in the bathroom. I knew it was her because she had an Alliance pin on her purse. Her mustache made it easy.”

There are a myriad of other stories that stand out in my mind, and perhaps in the future I'll share them, but this one was the coup de grĂ¢ce.

Check out BlogAzeroth.com for this Shared Topic and more, join in and write with us if you've got it in ya, and don't forget! Oath's BatteCry Plushie Contest! Submit your picture in the comments before March 20th and enter in to win your very own WoW Plushie with in-game pet!

6 comments:

crankyhealer said...

That was just AWESOME. Snort.

(Not all alliance chicks have mustaches, by the way. Some of us have bushy beards!)

kaozz said...

Great read ;) That was too funny.

Hey Speak for yourself Cranky!

pugnaciouspriest said...

Even though I am Alliance.. though someone is working on my conversion to the horde side.. If I see someone in an Alliance Tshirt in a shopping centre " For the Horde.. Just cause you do have a better cry -

Ophelie said...

Hilarious!

I should get an Alliance shirt and wear it to see what kind of reactions I'd get.

Anonymous said...

Did this happen again? You should have stayed and gave that numbnut a headache.

-Aiwendil

Anonymous said...

ROTFLMAO at work! I am Alliance as well but the Horde has us beat on the cool factor by a ton.

That and compare the average horde babe I have seen in RL to the alliance and we loose most times. If I want a woman with facial hair I will kiss my grandma.

I hate Varryan and hope he dies in the maw of a dragon. What a non thinking gung-ho idiot!

I really hope we get a leader that knows when to kick butt and when to use other tactics, or can think about the greater good and not just revenge.

Lok'tar ogar....see even that is cooler than anything we have. :(

Hamacus