I don't have to explain to you where I've been. All that matters is that I've been places, seen things, began drinking more frequently again, and recently took up playing WoW after an extended sabbatical.
I tried my DAMNEST to find something that wasn't as monotonous, repetitive, superfluous, and all together unsatisfying as WoW had been since the middle of Wrath.
So I tried Rift.
It's basically WoW, only slightly more button-mashy and pretty, and shit hits the fan every five fucking minutes. Here I am, doing quests for a harbor, trying to gather you assholes fish, then you tell me "DROP EVERYTHING, YOU ERRAND-RUNNING FUCK, AND DEAL WITH THE TENTACLE FUCKING IN THE FIELD OVER THERE" because your priorities are messed the shit up. No.
I thought, "I like comic books, more than the average comic book loving man, let's try DCU."
As soon as you start flying, just like City of Heroes, it kind of loses its steam. Though in that comparison, City of Heroes makes you work for your travel skill; DC Universe just gives it to you. So you know what? Steam, lost, 5 minutes. NEXT.
Oh EVE. The space cowboy in me will always have a soft spot for you. It was on Steam a while back for only $5 with a month free, so how could I say no? If it wasn't for the ridiculous rotisserie oven gameplay (set it and forget it, if you didn't catch the late night infomercial reference), then it'd be mildly fun. Waking up violently from your keyboard, accidentally raking up buttons off the spring mounts with your teeth, finding that, yeah, you've trained up Minmatar Frigates to level 4, but you're in a fucking egg, isn't exactly how I want to enjoy my MMO. Let's hit warp to something else.
Who doesn't like Star Wars? Aside from elitest Trekkies, lemme ask again: WHO DOESN'T THINK STAR WARS IS THE MOTHERFUCKING AWESOME SHIT?! I was excited just as anybody else that Star Wars Galaxies was getting the poopchute and The Old Republic was going to be my air-thrusting MMO fix for a long while.
WHO ELSE WAS DISAPPOINTED?
I played with all of my little Sith soul, but there was no drive in all of Palpatine's creation to make me want to keep going with this single-player MMO. You know what? It's not even an MMO. It's KOTR with other people complaining in a box on the bottom left. I didn't once need to group up with someone because WoW taught me that I can usually do shit on my own. 'Lo and fucking behold, that sort of tenacity and personal perseverance stemmed towards not having to ask for any goddamned help from any goddamned nunces. I'm not paying $15 to show off my gear that everyone else has and talk about a story that everyone else already knows. Outtie.
Severely disappointed, completely burnt out, still needing my MMO fix, I start watching the Youtubes for something inspiring. Leave it to the Pandaria coverage to make me start having problems.
Monks are overrated. I'm going to make one, but I probably won't play it passed the starting zone. I already have a rogue. *smugface*
What I did start thinking about was all the things I haven't done. I've never played Alliance passed level 20 (the thought makes me vom a little, no lie, but to properly defeat your enemy, you have to know them, I guess). I should start a new Warlock to see the changes as he or she grows up. I've never killed the Lich King (don't judge me).
So it starts. Azeroth, my 7 year old friend, I'm coming home.
