Messing With Gold Farmers: Bokame

Gold farmers have gotten wiley lately, whispering us, yelling in the city, trying their best to get us to buy their product. It's an ingenious enterprise: free advertising for illegal goods and services. Drug dealers and pimps can't get it this easy! I'm going to try and make this a series, see what kind of shit I can pull. This first entry is of Bokame, a level 1 female orc warrior who was trying to be friendly. I can't say I began with as much warmth as I usually do, but I did with as much caution as I would have if I met a baby with a hand grenade.



It's not against ToA to list off your favorite combination meals. I blame coincidence if she was really Chinese.

Attention iPhone Authenticator Users!

In a recent article on WoW.com, they discussed the upcoming iPhone OS update, but warned also that if things were to go wrong that you should probably write down the serial number found in the authenticator so as not to lock yourself out of your own Battle.net account.

Read up on the article if you own an iPhone or iPod Touch. I know a few of my guildies have it. I'm sure to write down the number in my phone, just in case. :)

ZOMGZ I GOT LINKD

Wow! I got linked! YAY!!! :D

Thanks to Hydra from Almost Evil for linking me on her blog and getting me on TN's Twitter! I feel part of something! And here I thought I was talking to myself. No seriously.

You've given me the will, and I shall continue on, so next up: Outlands Redux, Leveling an Alt in WotLK!

Thanks for reading! :D

Mountain Dew: Go Eff Your Face

During most in-game events you'll usually find me wading through the achievements and attempting to collect all that I can of the annually, or even one time, occurrences that may affect our World (of Warcraft). I've bested each of the holidays, did what I could during the Olympics, paid $20 to try out in the World Open Arenas, and, even out-of-game, when the pay-per-view Internet stream goes up for BlizzCon 2009, I'll be there too. I enjoy the community of WoW and the events they hold for it. EXCEPT ONE.

DICK TO MOUNTAIN DEW AND THEIR BULLSHIT GAMER FUEL.

I see on WoW.com that, oh shit Timmy (my name's not Timmy, but anyway), screw your dailies, get on the interwebs, ticky-da-tack on your keyboard to Mountain Dew's Website and get a free, no questions ask or money dumped, battle-bot pet!

OKA, BBLKTHXBAI.

I go in, ticky-da-tack that jive and I am all up in that bottom right button for the bot, YEA! EFFING ROBOTS ROCK! I redeem that shit so hard, I'm so excited, and almost instantly, poof, the little dude's in the mail.

I get him, I set him up, and what do I find: A SEVERELY EMO ROBOT. His tanks are empty, his demeanor is depressing, he just sulks; If I saw this thing at a party, he'd be the friend of the friend who doesn't know anyone, doesn't socialize much, and gets left in the crowd when the friend who invited him goes off to the pool area AND HE DIDN'T BRING HIS SWIMMYPANTS. Disclaimer: I'm not that guy. I've always been told there are two kinds of people: those that know and love me, and those who haven't met me yet. You can shut your trap right now. Toot toot, that's my horn.

So I try to cheer him up: ask him what he needs, seems he's all outta juice. I play him some upbeat music (Belinda Carlisle isn't his bag), get him a Zoloft (my CD tray is stuck now because I tried that), hell, I kill Alli for 20 minutes with him out, nothing.

I scan and skim articles on this new pet; seems I need to give him some in-game fuel. Alright, now how do I go about getting it? Let's just play assumption, since the home page for the little guy has the words "redeem," "enter to win," and "claim," I'm just going to assume you have to participate in this jazz. So I register.

They ask for my email, address, DOB, if I want a newsletter (I don't care, I'll throw it out or delete it, pfftt, whatev), if I drink Pepsi products, I say yes (hardly drink soda), how much, I give them the max (brown nose), and twenty-three skadoosh, I'm part of the Horde...of sodadrinkers. So I get tokens and every 15 minutes I could win...stuff. I really just want my robot to stop being sad. I keep browsing this Flash-enabled BS of a site to find where I get Robot Juice and just as I'm about to have a brain aneurysm I punch a hole through my screen, kick a baby, and storm outta the house (not really, I'd never punch my screen, but I keep a stack of babies next to the PC tower).

It must be in the bottles, I thoughtfully think to myself. I grab my 1887 Ol' West Duster and Canesword, hop in the Corolla, and bomb down the avenue to the Super Target.

At the Super Target (say it like the French), I bustle about trying to find a bottle of the sultry nectar. Don't you worry, my little battle-bot friend, I'll find you the power you need. I move quickly and with purpose, up and down the aisles, my duster flapping with my stride, my Canesword in my hand, banging into the fake linoleum with every other step. I accost a women with a red polo and khakis, the blade of my Canesword upon her jugular. I ask her politely, "TELL ME WHERE BE THE DEW WITH THE ORC AND THE NELF." Her fear is palpable, her direction, true. I find a cooler towards the front with both types of Mountain Dew. You will be merry, my new little one, merry you shall be!

I had not the time to mince about: I had to make a choice between either. While in my core I am Horde4LIFE (represent), I did not want to tarry from other possibilities; mind you, the pet doesn't care what color runs through its veins but that its veins are full of spunk and hoohah. The cooler also happened to be in the express lane, so there was a line forming behind me and I wasn't even holding anything to purchase. It was more annoying when the old lady in the electric shoppy-scooter-with-a-basket behind me kept inching closer and closer to my ankle with a surly grimace. I grabbed a bottle of each, paid, shot the scooter woman a nasty look, gave a shifty glance to everyone around me, yelled, "LOK'TAR OGAR!" and stormed out, clutching my two bottles and banging my Canesword.

When I returned home I proceeded to examine the bottles. I looked behind the labels, under the caps, no code, no form of in-game redemption. Piece. Of. SHIT. Stupid assumption. I look abouts some more on forums (which I should have done), and I found out that you have to click the same bottom right hand button to redeem the fuel. No purchase necessary. Ess. Ohh. Bees.

I do that, and within the hour, I get my in-game fuel. I apply it, my little robot is no long emo-bot but HELLYESTHANKYOUJESUS-bot. The digital joy on his digital face made me squee with simple elation, and if I hadn't have gone to all that trouble, it'd have been better reveled.

Joseph got his battle bot and fueled it up as well (with the opposing color, and after I had told him of my adventure so he didn't have to bother with that shit) and we made a stand to do battle in the UC.

What proceeded to happen was the most anemic battle between two robots I've ever seen, and I've seen a shit ton of robot battles. I thought, hey, they look kind of like the Clockwork Christmas Bots, maybe it'll be as cool as that, NO! They just kind of spin around and a ribbon of lightning is between their hands. YOU'RE LAME BATTLE-BOT. MY ANKLES WERE ALMOST RAN-DA-EFF OVER BY A OLD BAT CUZ OF YOU.

Dejected at his not-so-awesomeness, I decide, why not, let's take a swig of this swill I got next to me. Since I'm Horde4Life (represent), I take a mouthful of the Citrus Cherry.

I gulp, gag, run to the kitchen, fumble through the cupboard, get a glass, and chase it down with vodka. Disgusting. Sheit. It's like someone took a Sweet Tart, crushed it up, and made me snort it through my eye. I was a little afraid to try the blue one.

I go back to my room with the bottle of Smirnoff in hand, just in case, and I open the blue bottle and took a taste. Tolerable, still dreadful, but far better than that red-orange crap.

I pour out both bottles into the bathroom sink.

To conclude: Mountain Dew, you suck. I don't like your attempt to sway the gaming public to buy your gross products. Also, you owe me new PVC pipes for my bathroom sink because your product ate through to the cabinet below.



And your commercials suck. SRSLY?! Okay, commentary:

I get that you're trying to make it seem HXC, but this is painfully the opposite. Yea, attractive chicks sell, but wtf. The Horde chick turned into a beefy male orc. Some girls play dudes in the game, but not like this. It's like the citrus cherry flavor has a full dosage of testosterone or something. I honestly got really scared the first time I saw her scream bloody murder and then morph into a dude. "RAAAAAHHHHHH $25 SEX CHAAAAANGE!"

DON'T YOU SPEND A CENT ON EPIC MOUNTS

SERIOUSLY.

Stop stop stop! Recently WoW.com announced that there will be some severe mount changes.

Blue poster Zarhym made a very important post on the next large patch, 3.2, stating the following changes:

Regular land mounts trainable at level 20 (was 30)
Epic land mounts trainable at level 40 (was 60)
Regular flying mounts trainable at level 60 (was 70)
Regular flying mounts speed increased to a 150% gain (was 60%)

Apprentice Riding (Skill 75)

* 60% land mount speed
* Requires level 20
* Cost: 4 gold
* Mount cost: 1 gold
* Mail will be sent to players at level 20 guiding them to the riding trainer

Journeyman Riding (Skill 150)

* 100% land mount speed
* Requires level 40
* Cost: 50 gold
* Mount cost: 10 gold
* Mail will be sent to players at level 40 guiding them back to the riding trainer

Expert Riding (Skill 225)

* 150% flying mount speed; 60% land mount speed
* Requires level 60
* Cost: 600 gold (faction discounts now apply)
* Mount Cost: 50 gold
* Can now be learned in Honor Hold (Alliance) or Thrallmar (Horde)

Artisan Riding (Skill 300)

* 280% flying mount speed; 100% land mount speed
* Requires level 70
* Cost: 5,000 gold (faction discounts now apply)
* Mount Cost: 100 gold

Cold Weather Flying will remain unchanged.

Excited?! I am! now my pally and my rogue won't have to pony up the coinage to get their epic flight too. Huzzah! Hope 3.2 comes soon!

Because I Had to...

Kekekekekeke. Hey Hydra, your cat's gonna be SEXY.

I Am Love Machine

One of my best friends, Jen, and my guild master, gave up her position of the latter tonight. She's been focused on the real world and her personal life that she's had the most difficult time contributing and managing the guild that she, Joseph, and I started. She had the desire to give it to Joseph at first, but then upon hearing he may be on hiatus, gave it to me. I am now the GM of LM.

I'm going to do my very best to run it as she would have, making it a comfortable place for friends, family, and new acquaintances to learn and level. Our intent a long time ago when we started this guild was just that, to fly under a banner as friends; I've never let go of that fact and will continue to keep it just so, and the potential that it can have, I believe, is still there.

I know some members have a willfulness for change and a sense of discontent of where they are, and that's understandable. Each one of our views on what we want out of the game and what we may think is fun is very different from others. To everyone I say: do that which makes you happy. You don't have any obligations, just know that LM is base, it's safe, it's home. You're always welcome and will always have support from the guild.

We're in this together, right? Kill Alliance, kill the monsters, get the money, get the gear, brag to the lowbies and newbs?

Let's l33t it up together. Hold my hand.