Like a Week-old Baguette

Only I'm not so French, mon ami.

So you're probably thinking, "Seriously, Oath, what the flying fucking shit. You've made promises and said things and done things and...no, you know what, fuck it, I hate you. I hate you right here, deep in the cockles. So much. So fucking much. WHERE'VE YOU BEEN, ASSHOLE?! You were funny, and entertaining, maybe even so slightly informative, but to get right down to it, we're sick and fucking tired of you not writing!"

Now, if you're not thinking that, thanks for being slightly considerate! I will not make any elaborate excuses as to my whereabouts, nor will I attempt to promise anything in terms of writing topics or dates from here on out.

I will say simply, as to the nature of my absence, that I've been busy. That said, I want to share a fairly general philosophy I carry with me and try to apply to most of what I do: there is a distinct difference to finding time for something and making time for something.

I will make time. That, I can promise.

Also, I have a YouTube account now! Yeah, now you'll be getting Fraps videos of me playing not only WoW, but a plethora of other games! Hopefully it'll urge more in the way of writing, but like I said, no promises on that. Articles will come when they do.

So check out D2C@youtube.com for all my digital exploits!

Thanks for checking in, if you do, and I hope to fulfill your future cuddling needs.

PS. Wartenx, get back to me. Your free shit is collecting dust.

Brief Update, New Layout, Whatchoo Think?

Hi. Sorry. I'm back. I promise I won't do that again. Where have I been? Psshh, protecting our rights and our freedom, you ungrateful sonsofbitches.

Okay, not really.

In terms of the last contest, Oath vs. Fangore, I think it goes without saying that Wartenx of Burning Legion won, problem is, there is no Wartenx of Burning Legion. You transfer servers there, buddy? Let me know, I'll hang on to your card and the pet.

New layout. You like? I'm missing some widgets on the side. I'll add them later.

Next post is a big one. All about PvP.

See you at home, honey.

Winner of Oath's BattleCry Contest, Pokemans, and NEW CONTEST!

LOL you procrastinators! My readers are just like me. Wait until the last minute. Or perhaps you guys didn't realize that there was a contest until just now, which is completely permissible. Despite that, I had five total entries. I took the names of the five, wrote them on slips of paper, folded them each in identical folding patterns, stuck them in a hat, mixed them up, pulled them all back out, wrote numbers on them, and then texted my non-bias, slightly indecisive, hot artist friend, Accio, to pick a number between 1 and 5. She picked 2. And your winner is:



AVARYSE! Hooray! Congo rats on your new plushie! Hit me up with a comment to this, Avaryse, with your choice of either the gryphon or wind rider, we'll play email tag for a bit about how you're gonna get it (oh, you'll get it all right, you'll get it hard), and in no time whatsoever, you'll be walking about Azeroth and IRL with your own cute and cuddly pet! Fucking crazy sauce, right? INORITE.

Honorable mention: Dino, way to rep the Horde, you've got the monitor I wanted, you're friggin' adorable, and thanks for unintentionally showing me mixpod off of your blog! Eric, you rock for having two screens of differing size on your desk, semi-steampunk headphones (or at least brass-colored ones), and the bitchin' sweet Trigun cat. Candice, should have took a pic with Velver's work laptop, lawl. Jkjk. And Agostini, your link's busted, but I still entered you in!

Thanks so much to everyone for submitting!

Now, what of the pokemans?

I bought Pokemon SoulSilver the other day for $2. How? Gamestop trade-ins and people loving up on me. It also helps to be friends with everyone in the store. As a result, I've been playing that quite a bit between work and going out. I'm sorry that I've been neglectful of the blog, but shit, when you've got to level Magikarp, you know you got some shitfest of grinding to do.



I'll be updating my progress in that game as well, just so you know what's up with my pokemoning.

Are you all ready for the new contest? Hmm? HMM?!

Introducing the OATH VS. FANGORE PHOTO CONTEST!

Here are the rules: There are two ways to enter for each submission, do both, and you get entered in TWICE. That's right! Do both ways to enter, and you get entered in the contest two sexy times. That's two chances to win. Two chances to rock this biotch. Two chances to make me so damn hot for you.

First way: Take a picture with Oathbreaker. No, not my alts. Not my bank toon. Me. Not someone else in my guild. No. With me. Oathbreaker. Take a photo with me. Not OF me. I want you to stand next to me, while both of us are facing forward, like a good, traditional photo, and screenshot that. If you're Horde, tell me you want a shot! Make it fun! We can /flex together! Or ride our motlcilks next to each other! Whatever you want! Just make sure it's with me!

The Alliance, is eligible as well, just be sure you take the picture WITH me, not of me. My dead body in WG doesn't count, neither does a front shot me with the back of your head, because you're looking at me. WITH me. K? k.

Second way (easier, I think): Take a picture of you saying “raping paper” to Fangore. Not hard, he's usually on. Can't miss him. All you need is him in the shot, with his name and guild name visible, and you saying "raping paper" to him. Of course he's not in on this, he has no idea this damn site exists. You can tell him if you want, I don't care.

Fun, yea? I think so. I'm always about making this even more fun. You know what? Let's do that. Let's make it more fun. Want a bonus way to win? Want two bonus ways to win? Here you go!

BONUS #1 way: Get into a verbal fight with Fangore and I'll enter you in the contest a third time! Show me screenshots of the conversation from the chat window and your name's in again!

BONUS #2 way: Win said verbal fight and get entered in the contest a fourth time! If I see pure pwnage in those screenshots, you get another chance at the prize!

So what is the prize? Depends. If you enter in the contest with only the two basic ways of entering, a photo with me and/or a photo of you saying “raping paper” to Fangore, you get a chance or two to win a sexy 60-day time card! That's right, two whole months of WoW on my tab. Do one or both of the bonus ways of winning, and you get the sexy 60-day time card AND your choice of either the Gryphon plushie or the Wind Rider plushie! DAMN STRAIGHT I MADE THIS DEAL SWEETER.

So thems the rules! Obviously, if you don't play on my server, you can make a Horde alt and accost me to take that photo with me or berate Fangore. Come to Farstriders! Say hi to me or insult Fuckgore! Take some pictures and submit them in the comments! Win sweet prizes! DO EET! Cut off date is Friday, April 30th, 2010, at 11:59PM. Get it in!

BattleCry: Oathbreaker Style and READER CONTEST!

This morning, Blizzard Entertainment finished their BattleCry Community Mosaic, a compilation of an astounding 20,000 player-submitted photos. Players were asked to send in a photo of themselves repping their respective faction.

It goes without saying, we Horde represented better. ;)

The final product is an impressive piece, showcasing the racial leaders in grandiose beauty, which you can download here in a number of formats, including dual-screen! Sweet!

There is one problem I see with it though.

WHERE THE FUCK AM I?

I mad fucking important to your WoWing experience, dawg, Oathy gotta be up in that shit.

So I made my own version.

Hit the link to download the zip file. Yes, it's RapidFail. I'm sorry. Keep trying. It'll download sometime. I did high quality for both standard and widescreen format, as well as an iPhone Horde version (Sorry Alli and Droid users, y'ain't cool enough). Just stretch the bitch, I'm not gonna do it for you. Don't complain! You own a computer, fucking use that shit and learn some Photoshop. Middle schoolers can doodle their MySpace better than you can resize a wallpaper.

READER CONTEST: Submit a photo of yourself next to your monitor or with your iPhone with my wallpaper on it in the comments of this post and I'll put your name into a hat for a drawing to win your choice of either the Wind Rider Cub or the Gryphon Hatchling. That's right, I will buy you a plushie that comes with an cute in-game pet! All you've got to do is submit a photo!

Official Rules: Everyone is eligible. Photo of monitor or iPhone with reader's face somewhere in there is required; cannot be edited or doctored. Submit only once, as only one entry is required. Submission cut-off is at 11:59PM EST on Sunday, March 20, 2010. After the winner is drawn, I'll make a successive post, announcing the winner, and then we'll work out shipping and information. DO NOT post your email, address, or any other contact information in the comments. That's just dumb.

Motlcilk Attention *or* How I fear future raids with guys like this

Thanks to everyone who congo-rats'd my face off for Loremaster! I wanna date each and every single one of you. Really. I do. I'll get you a touch bit drinkedy and we can hold each other up at night. Mmm, Chambord. Right. On to the post.

Lemme preface this with a screenshot.



Having a Mechano-hog gets a reasonable amount of attention, particularly from low level players. I took that screenshot in Durotar, heading out to northeast Barrens for Loremastering (that sounds dirty) and Oxsam just randomly invites me as I drove by.

This isn't the first time.

I'm out in Tanaris, doing that Loremastering thing (I really like this new verb), disenchanting things, and, just as I get on my bike, I get invited to group. I've never been the kind of guy to deny an invite because I'm just some douche with better things to do; I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and see if they have something worth while to offer or if they ask for something reasonably easy. It's always nice to help, educate, or just hear out someone when the time calls for it. I also have a blog.



At the time, Hellbentaxis was level 52. I take a look around the area with a /who to the zone. Four other 80's, all in Gadgetzan. Why me? Eh. Let's see what you want.



I follow him, thinking, Probably just some asshole level 60 or something. This will be easy. He points to Bera Stonehammer.



Really? You don't know what “ganked” means? You poor, poor thing. I just want to rub your tummy and feed you cookies.

I continue:



Don't get me wrong, being a dick to you Alliance out there is fairly high on my WoW To Do list. Loremaster was above that, though. Though now that I am the Loremaster, expect a few post about my vacation in Goldshire soon. Kek. Where'd all this blood on the floor come from? This Inn is so nice! Look at the books and beds. Lawl. They think they're civilized. Silly monkeybots.

I can feel the pally looking me up and down, and not in the hot and sexy way.



The part where he goes “weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” is when he gets into my sidecar, if you couldn't tell. I drive out to the race track up north. He smalltalks.



Attempt 1: Was okay. You've almost got it. There's an “I” in there, somwhere.



Attempt 2: Better. You put the “I” in there this time. And really? “Like where?” I just want to hold your hand and show you Mickey Mouse. Take your picture next to him. You adorable little idiot.



I'm gonna buy you some formula and tuck you in, you sweet little baby.



I put him on my Friend's List. Charity cases hurt my heart. Expect an infomercial for “Newb Reach Out: a Charity.” For copper a day, you can sponsor this poor paladin. See as he stabs himself in the eye with gray trash drops.

WoW.com Farms BlogAzeroth

That title sure as hell got you.

I can't say I'm the best at keeping up with things on the internet, but thanks to Velver keeping better tabs on this monstrous sea of words and pictures, I saw that today's Breakfast Topic at WoW.com was distinctly similar to my Shared Topic suggestion at BlogAzeroth.com, posted four days prior.

Now, considering I talk about WoW a lot with people and read much of the blogs, there has, at some point, been a post like this, mentioning meetings with other WoW players IRL, perhaps on someone else's blog months or years ago. I was hoping that, in my post to BlogAzeroth, the topic would be more at the forefront and would warrant another wonderful group activity in writing.

WoW.com was tipped off, perhaps not by anyone involved with BlogAzeroth (they didn't even cite BA at all), but I'd like to give the benefit of the doubt here and say it's all part of collective consciousness. You put an idea out there, it'll eventually spread like wildfire without word of mouth or visual musing, but just by the coincidental synapses of this silly fucking universe.

It's not the first time an idea of mine, or one that I planted somewhere, was manifested somewhere else by someone else. It comes with writing and batting ideas around.

I'm still going to write it. I guess I just would have liked to have seen the community have at it first. Yes, I am a bit prideful, Anne. Gimme a bit to calm down. Perhaps you should cite your sources so I don't have a fucking aneurysm. I REQUIRE MLA FORMAT.

Dungeon Deserter: I want your justification. No, I demand it.

Explain to me something, you self-righteous tool. What makes it okay for you to judge someone based on their appearance? How is it justified that, after one look, you can conceivably conclude that someone wearing less than epic quality items in this random dungeon you've queued up for is going to waste your precious time and you'll take a 15 minute debuff instead of dealing with what you believe would be an utter failure?

It's people like you that make elitism an undying trend.

I don't get it. We're in this together and we should ideally be helping each other out. How the fuck is it alright to take 15 minutes out of using the Dungeon Finder because you saw your DPS with two or three greens? Are you going to be the factor that is going to perpetuate the difficulty of getting gear? Are you letting the “ignorance is bliss” mentality supersede your inability to help your fellow man? If you're not going to help, you figure, “fuck it, I'll skip this shit,” wait for a while, then try again and again and again UNTIL you get what you believe will be a worthwhile group. How do you live with yourself?

Are you the sort of prick who raises a child, sees that they aren't the sharpest crayon in the box, and, rather than help them succeed academically, have another fucked-up flipper baby in an attempt to see if that one's smarter?

Are you the douchenozzle that goes to a store checkout lane with 26 items in the 10-items-or-less aisle where the new cashier is, then give them a hard time when they're not sure how to ring up your difficult purchases with all your asshole coupons and ridiculous loophole-scamming, store-policy-exploiting bullshit?

Are you the tremendous cunt who drives 25 miles over speed limit in the construction zone passed the teenager who just got her license yesterday, cutting her off, putting her in a panic because she wouldn't get out of your way in time, causing her to careen headlong into a cement mixer?

It's sickening to think that this sort of attitude can be reflected in actual society and not just in game. They should put a ramping debuff instead of a flat 15 minutes, like the respeccing penalty increase. Charge them gold, time, and actual money because Mister Impatient Monkey Fuck couldn't deal with the fact that some people need to reach the standardize caliber through help and genuine camaraderie. Give people the benefit of the doubt and they usually impress you.

The WoW Year in Review

What's this crap, Jaedia, I don't update often enough?! Fine. Every other day, if I can help it, there will be a post, even tiny ones without the cool screenshots. Just because I don't understand Twitter doesn't mean I don't think about WoW constantly; you just don't know about it. So The Lazy Sniper tagged me, and I think I might have to tag some people too, but I have no idea who is following me. So for those of whom I do know that follow me, I'm tagging Hydra at Almost Evil and Saresa at Destructive Reach. Anyone else can post as well, and should, and tag some more people too!

What did you do in the World of Warcraft in 2009 that you’d never done before?

RPing. Never thought I'd get into it, but I do thoroughly enjoy it. While you'll never see me RP on my home server, you'll very more than likely see it happen on other RP servers I've recently become part of. There will be posts in the future about all my adventures, mostly concentrating on my hunter, Kosei.

What was your favorite new place that you visited?

I really enjoyed a lot of the activities with the Argent Tournament. I dig the rewards, the dailies offer a lot of variety, the jousting is really cool, the instance is quick and fun, and the raid is really challenging. Although, from a lore standpoint, I have a severely hard time justifying its presence soundly, but that's a completely different concern entirely.

What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

Sound conflict. I'm a lore geek, and not once this entire year have I seen anything that makes sense. I have yet to post about my disagreements with the game's story since I started this blog, and the recent problems on the class forums with Ghostcrawler and the community are keeping me from doing so as of late; it'll feel as though I'm just griping if I speak passionately and without thought, so when I've gathered my faculties without seeming like a QQ-tard, then I'll be replying on the subject. For now, in response to this part of the meme, I'd like to see things make sense within the lore and the story. Currently, there isn't a lot of assured steps being taken, things feel thrown together, and I'd very much like to see something written well. I'll elaborate on this topic soon. Or you can just invite me to your vent and I'll go on a long tirade about all the shit I have problems with.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Actually getting off my ass to do Loremaster, and I'm so damn close, too. Before the New Year, the damn achievement is going to be finished.
Also, my Violet Proto-Drake. Big scores on that as well.

What was your biggest failure?

Letting drama get to me. On occasions, you can't help be part of shit going down, but thankfully, all that mess has blown over. Less stress in the game, and honestly, there really shouldn't be any. It's a damn game. Too many people get hung up on silly things.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Lore debates. When someone on a vent somewhere would be like, “Hey, random-statement-on-lore-base-shit-that-isn't-accurate-at-all,” I'd jump on their ass. We'd have at it, especially the whole Garrosh v. Thrall or Thrall v. Varian debate. It's funny how there are contemporary stereotypes in the community on factions and faction leaders, backgrounds and stories, and people really don't know about the story they play in.

What do you wish you’d done less of?
Stressing about gear. While this game is very driven towards what you've got and what it looks like, it's also what you can do and how you do it. People tend to forget that. Even I did. I was swepted up in that bullshit of “hey man, Ulduar's coming and you gotta run Naxx out the ass to get ready for it,” or “Dammit! Didn't even get all of my T8 and now the Tournament raid is coming? We gotta hurry!” Fuck that noise. I'd rather just get it when I can, no rush, so I'm not pressured. I'd like to roll with the homies, yeah, but you shouldn't be gauged by what you're wearing, just what you can push yourself to do with what you've got.

What was your favorite WoW blog or podcast?
My favorite WoW blog is actually a WoW-themed comic, Looking For Group. I really like to laugh, and while there is a good amount of blogs that make me chuckle on occasion, most of the time it's srsbiz. I like to get on my reader or check out sites about the game and know that people have a sense of humor.

Tell us a valuable WoW lesson you learned in 2009.

Class balancing debates are moot; quit QQing about how you're nerf'd or someone else is buffed, it's a roller coaster of extremely complex mechanics. How long has D&D been going on and it's still imbalanced? Roll with the punches. Stop whining. The fact that you can't adapt means that Darwin was right and you'll be the first to go, still crying as the strongest eats you alive. There is no status quo. Change is the only constant.

Homework schmomework, it's effing patch day.

I should be writing a paper right now. I am, to an extent, I just needed to distract myself for a brief interval of time to say oh shit, son, it's mavafacken three point three!

My downloader is all done and ready, got it installed, so when I return from finals this afternoon and after I take a wee nap (been up for quite a while), you'll probably be seeing Oathbreaker and Oneironaut running the Emberstorm pug circuit for emblems. I'll also be trying to get into the new instances, hopefully with people I do wholeheartedly trust, because, you know, I don't want it all fucked up. At least not until I get an idea of what they're about so I can make fun of people for not doing it right.

I can say with great confidence that this new pug system will open up a torrential avalanche of Stupid Nubs. I cannot wait to fuck with people across my battlegroup. Isn't it sad that I'm not all that excited about new content, just new ways to mess with people? I'm touched in the head.

It goes without saying that my first task is getting properly geared through the new emblem system. I do want to try to get the Quel'delar blade for both of my 80s, see how fast I can grind my rep with the new Icecrown faction to get me some bullet-making for Oneironaut and neat patterns for Oath, as well as convert all that saronite I bought into some worthy titanium.

This is going to be fun. I'm excited! I suggest a drunken ventrilo 3.3 party. Someone set that up!

Hunter v Lock

First, big welcome back to my great and wonderful friends, Kailynolivia and Nocpsyrn! I missed you oh so very much! Now I don't have to cry from severe loneliness when I play...uh, I mean, cry...because...I'm so damn awesome. Yeah. That's less pathetic.

So Saresa and Brigwyn Have lost their damn minds.

They've started a blogosphere class war. Apparently what had happened was that in an episode of THL Podcast, Brigwyn asked hunters to send in a screenshot of them misdirecting to a warlock. Saresa takes the misdirect and fires back, saying that warlocks, such as myself, need to unite, boycott The Hunting Lodge, and submit a screenshot of a hunter murder. Brigwyn retorts by insulting Saresa's pigtails.

First:



This doesn't mean I'm joining you, Saresa. You are all crazy. I kill people equally (except rogues, I have them on priority kill, those facerolling retards). I don't need anyone to say something nasty to me. Though if you did say something nasty to me, it helps quite a bit in killing you faster.

Second, I like Saresa. In fact, it's safe to say I have a blogger crush on her. It should also be said that I have a blogger crush on Jaedia as well, and while she is a hunter who has voiced partial involvement (an involvement, which, I would assume, is only by persistence of class), I still want to make blood elf babies with her.



Kitchener, you so awesome.

Let's stop the senseless animosity. I say this partially because I already have the Pandaren Monk and I totally would have taken Brigwyn up on his screenshot-contest-thing and dusted off my level 46 orc hunter had I not a Pandaren, but c'mon, really, everyone just group hug! Here at D2C, it's all about the lovin'. Speaking of, Saresa and/or Jaedia, call me.

No more Hunter v Warlock. Just hold me.

Rogues suck. :x

The Search for Ezthree: My Road to Pilgrim's Bounty

First, thanks to my great friend IRL, Rawq, for fixing my computer! You rawq my socks off. Har har har. That was lame.

I am an achievement whore, and with the advent of Pilgrim's Bounty, I had found something that sated my carnal needs and rewarded me with only the sticky goodness keystrokes and mouse-clicks can give: an adventure and a turkey. This blog post is so damn hot right now, I'm about to bust a holiday chestnut (roasting on an open fire) up in this bitch.

I had completed a vast majority of the achievements required for Pilgrim and was left only to do Turkey Lurkey. My faction's rogues weren't so hard to find, obviously, but trying to find Alliance rogues proved to be a challenge at 4 in the morning. Perhaps I should have waited a day, but when I am so damn close, I'm bending that sexy minx of an achievement over and spanking it until she knows who's whose daddy (told you this blog post was hot).

So how do I find an Alliance rogue? PVP. Yeah. They're usually in there. I queued up. After about three really fast AVs (sorry, no screenshots) wherein I tried really hard to go south and not north and died quite a bit in the process, I managed to tag a human and a night elf. Halfway to my goal and not wanting anymore beatings (as if it would have been different had I tried to fight back), I sat outside the Silver Enclave to see if I could catch a dwarf or a gnome.



Well, I'm patient. I can wait.



Had that shit bound to 1. I'll get you, rogue.

After about 15 minutes of patient waiting, I saw a dwarf in my periphery heading to the right-hand doorway of the Silver Enclave, so I took aim and fired, tagging him as he went around the corner. I was one rogue away from delicious achievements, so now was the time to hunt the little man down.

I ran around Dalaran some more before I realized that it was getting near dawn IRL, and perhaps I should find a way to expedite the situation before I keel over in exhaustion. I signed on to my Alliance toon and ran a search.



Ouch, that many gnomes on and only two rogues? I guessed I should have counted myself lucky at that time in the morning on a medium population server. Like Sherlock, I made an assessment: Tuckie in Dun Morogh wasn't going to cut it; a level 1 character could sign off while I was in transit to him, so Ezthree was my gnome. I hopped back on Oath, bound for the Wetlands.



That'll make finding the little bugger a little easier.

I took a flightpath from UC to Arathi. At this point you may be wondering, “Oathy, darling, what makes you think that gnome won't sign off? What makes you think he'll still be in the Wetlands when you get there? You know, that's a big place, sweetheart, a macro is useful, but do you think spamming it while traveling the length and breadth of the zone will warrant success? You could have whispered him on your Alliance toon to make it easier on yourself, my dear.”

First, you're creeping me out with all the terms of endearment. KNOCK IT OFF. I was only assuming Ezthree wouldn't sign off, since he was in the Wetlands at level 31, he was most likely questing. If he was questing, then he wouldn't be leaving the zone. The Wetlands, like any other zone, is a really big place, and finding Ezthree would be like finding a needle in Varian's pubes (it'd be difficult, because we all know Varian's pubes are legendary for their prickliness and needle-like quality). I wasn't going to spam the macro all over the zone, that's just foolish. It made more sense to spam it in certain areas of the zone where points of interests are. Finally, whispering? Seriously? Where's the fun of that? Did Captain Ahab tell Moby Dick, “Hey whale, you wait right the fuck there, and I'll come to you, kill you, and reattach my leg”? No, sucka. He very well did not do that. I hunt my game like a good hunter...err, warlock.

I took the journey south to the Wetlands, spamming my macro only when I passed encampments of NPCs, small buildings, or hovels. I headed west, figuring that my first main objective was Menethil Harbor. If he was anywhere first, he had to be at the Alliance stronghold. I get to the gates, making note that the guards were only level 42, so I ran by with no intent on killing anyone. My macro grabbed Ezthree almost immediately, and instinctively I stopped and started whipping the camera around to see where the target circle was. In whipping the camera around, I accidentally ran into a house and aggro'd the family within, who yelled for guards, who came to greet me with stern looks of disapproval. Dammit, Menethil Harbor is like Goldshire: there's spawn guards. It got to the point where I could not have ignored the guards, so I fought back, but as they would fall, more would spawn. At this point, Ezthree came out to see what all the ruckus was about outside, no doubt hearing the strident calls of pain, as I am known to leave in my wake, both on the battlefield and in the bed. Scandalous!



I politely asked him to wait while I killed those who sought to protect him. I wasn't going to hurt the little guy, I only wanted to shoot him with my turkey gun. Eventually I quelled the threat of guards and lead little Ezthree to the bridge outside, beckoning him to follow. He did, and when I knew it was safe, I took aim and gave him a face full of feathers.



WOO! Good prey! Good hunt!

He came up to me after I had turned him into a turkey. I hugged him and thanked him, and he jumped up and down and spun around a bit.



Later on, I had thanked him on my Alliance character, but he didn't respond. Safe to say, he might have been a new player, so this might have been interesting experience for him.



Happy with my achievement, I headed back to Dalaran to celebrate.



It seemed I was not the only one with it, as there were a few Alliance players outside Silver Enclave with their titles and turkeys out. So we celebrated with fireworks.



To all my American readers, Happy Thanksgiving! To everyone else, I hope the start of this holiday season finds you in good spirits!

I'm thankful for gnome rogues shaped like turkeys and curvy ladies.

Ensign, Status Report

THE DILITHIUM CRYSTALS, THEY CAN'T TAKE MUCH MORE, JIM! THEY'RE ABOUT TO BLOW!

And they went boom. :O

On November 13th, 2009, my computer, for three years, a faithful servant to my whimsical fancy in all things writing, photo-editing, and gaming, succumbed to senility and, inherently for his kind, became a paperweight as a result.

I have a corrupted boot sequence. My computer is a prefab from a company, so rather than being awesome and giving me Windows XP install discs, they gave me a recovery disc, which does not do the same thing. It restores OS problems from the hard drive itself, through a partition, therefore I have two options: restore destructive (wipes the drive completely), or restore backup (wipes the drive completely, saves only the settings, not the documents or installs). I've already had to do this once before, last December, the first time this hard drive crashed. The only way around it without losing anything on the hard drive is...well, there isn't any way around it. I have to wipe the damn thing. The recovery console is impossible to access.

I'm sure it doesn't help that I have two blown capacitors. Yup, I played with two blown capacitors for eleven months. I'll take a picture and show you guys sometime.

I'm writing this from my father's computer, a device made only for business spreadsheets, document printing, and Facebook surfing. Photoshop has not been installed on this PC, so I can't make hilariously funny screenshots or clever little banners of awesome. You've only my seductive words to keep you by in the meantime.

Safe to say I can't play WoW for a while, but that's okay. I'll be back in the game soon.

Pseudo-poll for my readers: If I were to, say, hypothetically make a character on a different RP server to actively roleplay with intent to create drama, heartache, ridiculous RP adventures, and overall hilarity, what faction, race, class, and spec should I be? Hypothetically of course, I wouldn't be writing a regularly updated log of this possible character in the future at all, should you reply with your responses so I could make him or her to write about. Nope, not going to make him or her at all, purely hypothetical.

Apple App Store Inadvertently Advertises Bloggers

Small update, mostly because I like when people get represented in places unexpectedly.

If you read my back log, you know that I have an iPhone. It's sexy, user friendly, has everything I want in a mobile device and more, and anyone advocating those "iPhone killers" over this well-made piece of machinery can swallow a knife.

I have a morning (afternoon) tradition when I wake up: check the iPhone systematically. I look at my email, which is pushed to the phone, there's a Facebook app, as well as my texts I gander before I even get out of bed. Once in a while I'll peruse the App Store to see if anything had been updated, or to look for new apps available that I might want (the free ones, I'm only going to pay for your silly apps, Apple, if they're unavoidably cool, like Bebot or Oregon Trail, and yes, Oregon Trail is awesome, you can shut your damn mouth about it, naysayer). This morning, I was looking abouts on the App Store, no updates, just browsing, and I decided, hey, Oathface, check out the WoW apps, maybe they have something cooler than just the Armory or a Murloc Soundboard (I don't believe they have one, just saying, that would be cool though). The vast majority of the WoW-related apps, as I've noticed, were mostly RSS Readers, tailored for certain interests among players, notably, class-specific blogs. I looked at a few. I saw links on the general Readers for sites like World of Matticus, MMO-Champion, and WoW.com (seen as WoW Insider); but because I'm a warlock, naturally, I looked at the Warlock News App.



Two bucks for a feed reader? Nah, I'm cool. The only real difference between this specific app and the other class blog apps is preloaded RSS feeds. As a result, you're paying for a feed reader with a class theme. You can add and delete blogs at your liberty, so really, it boils down to the name of the class that is displayed at the bottom. I'll just get up out of bed and move the distance of stupid to the computer and read all of you bloggers from there. My stinginess outweighs my laziness. Though I didn't buy it, I still scrolled down to look at the screenshots.



Well look at that. Ain't that the bee's tits. I follow these five blogs, amongst others, for all my warlocking needs (sad to say YAWN and Draining Souls are decommissioned). Grats to Nibs, Dagpep, and my seductive gnome baby's mama friend, Hydra, for unpaid advertisement! I guess it's not really the App Store that advertises blogs, but LoL Software who does. So my title is wrong, but hey, got your attention. Sucker.

And as a postscript, thanks so much to Jaedia for her honorable mention on her sexy blog, and the others at Blog Azeroth for their warm welcome! Glad to be part of the WoW Blogosphere!

Messing With Gold Farmers Beggars: Killermanjac

This post will solidify one particular trait of my gamer personality: I am an asshole. I will openly admit, as a disclaimer, that I went out of my way completely to screw over this Rogue, Killermanjac. I try not to live my life with regret, in real life and in-game, so therefore, even in retrospect, I don't feel an ounce of guilt. With this in mind, on to the messing-withs.

I'd gone AFK on Oath, busy eating a messload of candy (anyone else notice the lack in the number of trick-or-treaters this year?) and watching the third replay of Night of the Living Dead on AMC, when I glanced over, Reese's smeared all over my face, to see this:



I think we can all agree that beggars are annoying. Usually, I don't do anything about them, but, in my sugar-addled mind and with the notion that I've been writing a blog for the last several months about Warcraft anthropology and sociology (my server is pretty much a bunch of chimps, save for a few of you, and I'm Jane Goodall), I had a twitch to mess with this sucker. Despite my twitch, I let it ride, seeing if he'd ask again or if he'd do something. He did:



I hate when other players would do that. I'm sorry, Dalrak, that you had fallen victim to this douchehat. Please, allow me to assist you.



He found me in Orgrimmar, then like a good little gold beggar, opened trade, no attempt to convince me to give him the gold, just another useless turd asking for another hand out. It also helped my irritation that he's a rogue. I fucking hate rogues.



He can has Cow Level.



Yes. That's right. I used Direbrew's Remote. He went in. That's a good beggar. Jump when I say jump. After about five minutes of silence, I leave party. After about another three minutes, he whispered me:



Kekekekekekekekeke. :P After another two minutes or so, to which, I assume, he'd gone into the room and destroyed the barrels, then had become accosted by some piss-drunk dwarves, I get a response:



To conclude: there is no Cow Level. No, I don't feel guilty. Yes, I am an asshole, but allow me to illustrate with another screenshot.

Boiled Goose

You've probably seen this. If you haven't, start doing the Bartman.



A boombox is not a toy.

A Good Pantheon

He asked in trade where he could get Salvaged Iron Golem Parts, Goblin-machined Pistons, and an Elementium-plated Exhaust Pipe for a Mechano-hog. So I told him.



Helping is cool. :)

What a Long, Strange Trip It's Been

Indeed it has!

Brewfest was my last holiday I needed for the achievement What a Long, Strange Trip It's Been, as I'm sure it has for everyone who had been keeping up with the holidays and working for a year to get the mount.

I went about it much in the same way as most have: doing all the achievements left in the Brewfest section of the World Events, leaving Disturbing the Peace for last. Rather than just purchase the clothes, I had intent to return them after I had gotten that achievement.



So I'd gotten enough for the Brewfest Regalia and the Brewfest Boots (I had the Brown Brewfest Hat from last year) and bought them.



Oh yes, the refund blue text. I like it! As long as you don't keep the items in your inventory too long or alter them in anyway (armor kits, enchants, etc.), you can just give them back and get your tokens returned. You can wear them and they're still refundable, which is awesome.



Like renting a tux for a wedding. It's probably going to come back the same way too: covered in alcohol, bridesmaid spunk, and smelling like hell. At least in the game, you don't lose your deposit.

I took the zepp to Warsong Hold, the FP to Dalaran, and drank my face off. Then I targeted an AFK'd dwarf hunter at the landing point and did that dynamite /dance.



That dwarf didn't know what hit him. Dirty, mannish bridesmaid. It's cool, I couldn't tell if it was male or female, but really, who can? Boobs, moobs, ehh. Both are hairy, (s)he was AFK, and I was drunk (don't use that at an actual wedding as an excuse when you get with sasquatch). I haphazardly made my way to the mailbox with the grace of a 2000ms latency retarded chimp with palsy.



“To not celebrate our victories is another form of defeat.” So true, Life-Bender, so true. I'm going to drink more. That'll make me more victorious. Nobody likes a loser.

So I turned on this bad boy, jumped off Krasus' Landing, and totally RUI'd (Riding Under the Influence) that sucka. Sidenote: what if there were traffic cops in this game? Yea, it'd be balls.

I came to notice that things felt weird, and at first I thought, hey, I'm drunk (in-game and IRL), perhaps it's the inebriation. Maybe things are quicker and whip by you at lightning speeds when you're this shitfaced. I looked at my buff bar and happened to mouse over the proto-drake buff.



Oh shit son! I'm faster than your average bear! That's pretty sick! I had no idea this mount was going to be that fast! I just thought the Mudder's Milk was just really really good today.

I went back to the Brewfest Camp in Durotar and returned the sullied garments for a full refund. The goblin gave me a reluctant grimace as he took my beer and sweat drenched clothes from me and gave me back all my tokens. I used the tokens to get the Brewfest Pony Keg (I've always wanted one, but never got it for one reason or another), the Pint-Sized Pink Elekk (damn Peanut wannabe), and Blix's Eyesight Enhancing Romance Goggles (mmm, sexy orcs). 'Twas a grand holiday!

Oneironaut DING! :D

Thanks to everyone who was there and to all my friends! Now after two and a half years as a DPS, I can do something different.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still Oathbreaker. Always will be.



But who can say no to this sexy troll?

Stupid Nubs: Brodlan, and Bbcami update

To go along with gold spammers and farmers accosting me often, I tend to run into idiots on a regular and severely painful basis. Let's start a new series I'm calling Stupid Nubs, where ignorance is our entertainment and their stupidity is their folly.

I begin with Brodlan, a level 14 Druid of the guild Cannibal Club. The fact that he's a cow in a guild called Cannibal Club makes it already quite funny.

I was on my bank toon, Run, selling items and buying items when I get whispered.



I hoped that he was. Sadly, he wasn't.



I have a problem with ignorant people. I'm professionally an educator, solely devoted to the enrichment and furthering of young minds in academics. I sought to give him culture, but mind you, it is a game, so epeens persist.



I have my DK gear on me. I never deleted it, despite needing the bag space. I have him follow me then within an instant, I am fully geared, a health pot later and I'm up to nearly 5k health.



I put the seed of “Your kind tires me,” in hopes he'd grab at it and I could rightfully snap, but he doesn't, and the hammer remains fanned back.

By his kind, I mean boisterous, idiotic people who spout forth every thought and think that their perspective on everything is the right one. With his simple “and?” statement, I knew I was in for a particularly interesting conversation. People like him are the reason why bad pop music is considered good and Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are still in existence.



He get's half credit, for being midly coherent.



I /lol'd. On a personal note, I need to type better. If I'm going to be an elitist prick I need to make sure I'm infallible.



I still have no cock. Best. Comeback. Ever.



Because you can so hack the WoWzerz.



FUCK IT! I concede! He's got me! He's fucking got me pinned, 10 seconds, I am done!



You know what my fear is? People like him fail upwards in life. He's going to be a politician or a stockbroker when he grows up. By all means, my readers, please, destroy him. If you see him, berate him and make him go Alli, so I can camp his ass.

On a side note, Bbcami, the really nice gold farmer, messaged me some time ago. I've been meaning to tell you all, but I've been really busy.



She's always whispering me now when she gets on, it really is nice of her. Then, on an off day, I went to Durotar and found her. She had to make another character because the account with the character Bbcami got banned for obvious reasons. She was on Kbcami when I went to see her.



We hung out for a little while then I asked her, “Hey, you ever get bored and just, you know, want to play the game?” She actually responded with a yes, and despite having to spam people, because that's what she was paid to do, I went with her around the Valley of Trials and killed stuff with her!





Yea, that's right. I made a gold spammer level. I rock worlds.