Acetaminophen and Caffeine: Effing Zhevra

Two A&C's in a row? Bad Oathy. I'll be sure to get a flogging for it later. The sexy kind of flogging. Mhmm.

So Loremaster is becoming more of a reality for me as I have been working on it quite diligently in the last few days. Things I've noticed:

Escort quests in Vanilla WoW can go on for a LONG DAMN TIME.

The Grimtotem Tribe are assholes.

The in game quest helper is really really helpful to an extent (I've never used a quest helper before, I just look stuff up on wowhead or wowwiki). I found mobs I needed on a different part of the map that the quest helper did not indicate. Save for a few snags, it's a really well done system integrated into the game.

The Venture Company are assholes.

The Horde, generally as a whole, really just want to get on their feet. They're not wholly concerned with extremely large concepts of bureaucracy and the balancing of power like the Alliance are with most of their quests. All they really want is just the chance to survive.

The Alliance are really bored on my realm. I'll be questing in a low level area and then I'll hear of a town being attacked. I head over and there's a level 80, poorly geared, wasting away at level 40 guards. Really? That's how you get your rocks off? K, buddy. I'll be in Astranaar bending over your night elf women. Eye for an eye, biatch. Oh, is that you, silly warrior, showing up on the horizon? The same warrior who thought he was a badass, killing my quest givers that I needed to give this oil and rope to? Well I've oiled up this purple-haired vixen, tied her down, and she don't sound like she wants me to stop. She's got so many dots on her face she's gonna go blind!

Ahem.

The Alliance are assholes.

I especially hate drop rates on body parts. You know and hate those fucking quests (if you love them, you are NOT my friend). “Gather up these intestines for me, I want to make a pie.” “It'd really give this potion a kick if I had these snouts.” “I need eyes, lots of motherfucking eyes.”

Blizzard ought to make mobs and creatures reflect the body parts they're missing. If I'm hunting wyverns for ears, make the ones who don't have ears look like they haven't got ears, so I know to skip them.

I go out there, I find the mob the guy wants, let's say a zhevra, and I cast a shadowbolt. The damn thing goes flying, end over end, skipping on the grown every so often like a pebble on a calm lake, only to slam into a tree off in the distance. I take a look at the body, needing one of its hooves, seeing that I've obliterated all of them. Okay, note for later, don't use shadowbolt.

I find another zhevra. I cast death coil; the lights in its eyes go out. I can see, feel, and hear the sheer terror rending through the animal's mind, as it screams and bucks in fitful convulsions, only to crumple to the ground in a mass of horror-filled flesh. I walk up to it, it's face contorted like a bad Japanese fright flick, and as I look at its feet, it seems the hooves have recessed into the legs. The damn zhevra was so scared its hooves when up into the ankles. Shit. Fucking. Asshole. Second note: death coil doesn't work. Third time's a charm.

Zhevra. Corruption. The animal feels something is amiss, and angered by my presence, charges. Before it even has a chance to retaliate, it falls to the grown, heaving its chest fitfully, and then suddenly expires, breathing its last. I go for the hooves, plainly visible on its legs. I attempt to pry one off with my dagger, but no give. I don't stack strength. This is bullshit. I aim my hand down and begin casting incinerate. Wait, no, best not to cook the damn thing. I start hacking away at the knee, and after about fifteen minutes of work, I get ONE hoof. Fuck the other three, I'll just look for a zhevra with a limp.

Acetaminophen and Caffeine: I Don't Want You, [Input Race Here]

I got to thinking about the new races we're going to be getting in Cataclysm, the Worgen and Goblins, and while I'm really excited to try out both, I want to openly thank Blizzard for not putting in the following races as playable characters.

Kobolds
Their underground city would be made of melted wax. Speech would be slightly understandable, as they lack the use of proper grammatical syntax and verb conjugation. Their epic tier shoulders would be made from a wrought-iron candelabra. I'd hate to see their women. Probably the Alliance would take them as manual labor, as we all know they don't appreciate their workforce.

Quilboar
Again, I'd hate to see their women. Their /laugh would be dreadful, and imagine how much more dreadful it'd be if they roll'd DK. Mount: diminutive boars. They look like the kind of elitist assholes to ride the dumb versions of themselves, like a Tauren on a cow.

Vrykul
You know how many metalheads would jump at naming their Vrykul warrior some Norse god, or permutation with stupid foreign characters? I've had my fill of umlauts, I really don't want anymore in my WoW life. Thõrödînløkï is neither clever nor awesome, and I will make fun of you for it. You can be the greatest player in Azeroth, but you'll still look like a tattoo parlor stalker with the German name no one can pronounce.

Makrura
CLACKCLACKCLACKCLACKCLACKCLACKCLACK

Faceless One
Their speaking emotes would be the lamest shit ever. All telepathy, you'd have to read your chat window. You could customize the number of tentacles in the character creation screen, like the Draenei, only worse. Their orphanage in their major city would have slugs.

Tiny post, yeah. I left out a few because some would actually be cool. Leave in the comments what you think would be a stupid race to make playable, or one you'd think would be awesome. For my awesome vote: Sporelings.

3.3 Warlock Gear Through the New LFG System

Maybe someone has already done this for all of us warlocks out there; perhaps it's better, more comprehensive, and really gets down to the nitty gritty. Pshh, forget them. I'm going to do one of my own, because honestly, I'm way cooler. This is my list of every epic item a warlock, fresh to 80 and/or gearing out by him/herself, would want from patch 3.3.

I have left out PvP, Arena, and Raid gear, as these require a group effort and I will only be concentrating on gear for antisocial people with small guilds and who also rely heavily on the new LFG System (jkjk, I don't mean to imply anything, I'm sure you terribly awkward people have friends). Hey, some of us fly solo. We all can't be in a raiding guild. We don't have a set schedule all the time. Sometimes we're Batman without the JLA.

Speaking of, there is one definite thing: Batman's got rock solid balls. That's right, I said it. His nuts are so huge, he can crack a bowling ball by flinching his cheek muscles. What's that got to do with anything? I want you, my warlock friend, to be Batman. I want you to bring fear and pain to those who stand in your way. I want to you place the shadowy hand of rage upon the heads of your foes. I want you to flinch and crack open their skulls. What follows is a grand list of gear that'll make you feel and look like you've got a pair.

So let's say you've just come back from a long hiatus; you'd had your fill of raiding, your group wasn't able to do 25 TOGC, you were a bit frustrated, so you thought, “Time to box up the imp, call it a month, see you at patch 3.3.” Or perhaps you just dinged 80 on your warlock, a freshman in your prime, eager to see what kind of pretty little things you'll be running into with the new LFG System.

Either situation, the LFG System offers two Emblems of Frost per day (taking the place of daily heroics) for your first heroic and each boss in heroics drops an Emblem of Triumph. After your first heroic, queuing up will award two Emblems of Triumph for successfully completing the dungeon. The average amount of Emblems per dungeon you queue up for is six.

So what does this mean? Tier 9, sucka. There are three qualities of Tier 9: Conquest, Triumph, and Triumph Heroic. You're shooting for Conquest quality, sold by Aspirant Naradiel for the Horde and Aspirant Forudir for the Alliance at the Argent Tournament Grounds, costing you your slightly-hard-earned Emblems of Triumph.

Tier 9 Conquest Gear

Horde
Gul'dan's Hood of Conquest, 50 Emblems
Gul'dan's Gloves of Conquest, 30 Emblems
Gul'dan's Robe Conquest, 50 Emblems
Gul'dan's Leggings of Conquest, 50 Emblems
Gul'dan's Shoulderpads of Conquest, 30 Emblems

Alliance
Kel'Thuzad's Hood of Conquest, 50 Emblems
Kel'Thuzad's Gloves of Conquest, 30 Emblems
Kel'Thuzad's Robe of Conquest, 50 Emblems
Kel'Thuzad's Leggings of Conquest, 50 Emblems
Kel'Thuzad's Shoulderpads of Conquest, 30 Emblems

So you've got some pieces now, but you've still got some green and blue gaps to fill, yeah? Emblems are coming out the wazoo and you're not too sure what to use them for. Here, let me help. The Triumph Emblem Vendors in Dalaran and at the Argent Tournament Grounds carry great pieces you'd be interested in. Have a looksee.

Emblems of Triumph Gear

Brimstone Igniter, 25 Emblems
Hood of Smoldering Aftermath, 75 Emblems
Hood of Clouded Sight, 75 Emblems
Pauldrons of Catastrophic Emanation, 45 Emblems
Mantle of Revered Mortality, 45 Emblems
Band of the Invoker, 35 Emblems
Shard of the Crystal Heart, 50 Emblems
Talisman of Resurgence, 50 Emblems

Building up those epics, yeah? I like your look, thug. Fo sho, streets. What's that? New Heroics? Yeah, that crazy guy, Lich Kingsley, was probably a little annoyed we killed all of his minions, foiled most of his devious plans, and had a Renaissance Fair in his back yard. So in retaliation, he's all, “if you can get through the front door, I'll give you phat lewts.” A battering ram later, and we've got three new places to kill uglies. These dungeons are pretty challenging for anyone, but with enough practice, you'll get the dance down and be swingin' it like a pro. Epics drop from both normal and heroic modes, so smack those bosses in the mouth and rifle through their pockets. You are Neil Diamond.

The Forge of Souls
Normal
Bronjahm Drops
Cold Sweat Grips

Devourer of Souls Drops
Essence of Anger
Coil of Missing Gems

Trash Drops
Coffin Nail
Mantle of Tattered Feathers

Heroic
Bronjahm Drops
Very Fashionable Shoulders

Devourer of Souls Drops
Seethe
Mord'rethar Robes
Arcane Loops of Anger

The Pit of Saron
Normal
Forgemaster Garfrost Drops
Ice-Steeped Sandals
Unspeakable Secret

Krick and Ick Drops
Wristguards of Subterranean Moss

Scourgelord Tyrannus Drops
Palebone Robes
Rimewoven Silks

Trash Drops
Coffin Nail
Mantle of Tattered Feathers

Heroic
Forgemaster Garfrost Drops
Surgeon's Needle, but honestly, it's made for healers. Don't be an asshole and be all "that's mine" when it drops. If it's an upgrade AND the healer doesn't want it, go for it, but really, as a warlock, you don't need MP5. Don't be silly. There are better things. Look for Seethe from FoS, don't wait on this.

Krick and Ick Drops
Ancient Polar Bear Hide
Braid of Salt and Fire

Scourgelord Tyrannus Drops
Engraved Gargoyle Femur
Prelate's Snowshoes

Halls of Reflection
Normal
Falric Drops
Marwyn's Macabre Fingertips

Marwyn Drops
Frayed Abomination Stitching Shoulders

Lich King Drops
Chilled Heart of the Glacier
Tattered Glacial-Woven Hood

Trash Drops
Coffin Nail
Mantle of Tattered Feathers

Heroic
Falric Drops
Soulsplinter
Bracer of Worn Molars

Marwyn Drops
Sightless Crown of Ulmaas
Suspiciously Soft Gloves (That item name bothers me. A lot.)

Lich King Drops
Shriveled Heart
Strip of Remorse

That's a lot of new toys to consider from the new heroics. Though one in particular that I haven't listed yet is something most people want when running the new stuff. From all three dungeons on heroic, trash has a chance to drop Battered Hilt. This item leads to Quel'Delar, the sister blade of Quel'Serrar. There are several versions of the blade once you've finished the quest chain, but more than likely you'll want Quel'Delar, Lens of the Mind. That is a sexy amount of spellpower right there. It's also quite large, so people will be shitting themselves seeing you from a distance with that in hand.

Chugging right along, running the Daily Frost Dungeon (two Emblems of Frost) with the LFG System each day allows you those necessary small steps to some of the best pieces in the game right now. Tier 10 is what we're all after, and like Tier 9, it comes in three delightful qualities: Dark Coven, Sanctified Dark Coven, and Sanctified Dark Coven Heroic. Like Tier 9, you'll be shooting for the lower quality of Dark Coven. Tier 10 waits for the dedicated few, and those without a raid guild or schedule will have to be about as dedicated to doing a dungeon per day as the dude at Blockbuster is to making fun of me for the movies I choose. I loved Love, Actually. British people are quirky.

Tier 10 Dark Coven

Dark Coven Gloves, 60 Emblems
Dark Coven Hood, 95 Emblems
Dark Coven Leggings, 95 Emblems
Dark Coven Robe, 95 Emblems
Dark Coven Gloves, 60 Emblems

Let's say far into the future, you get enough Emblems of Frost that you're starting a collection of them and want to spend them on other items. You'll find some upgrades, if you haven't already, from the Emblems of Frost Vendors in Dalaran.

Emblems of Frost Gear

Belt of Omission, 60 Emblems
Circle of Ossus, 60 Emblems
Ermine Coronation Robes, 95 Emblems
Gloves of Ambivalence, 60 Emblems
Meteor Chaser's Raiment, 95 Emblems
Maghia's Misguided Quill, 60 Emblems
Volde's Cloak of the Night Sky, 50 Emblems

With the new raid comes a new faction: The Ashen Verdict. This faction is a partnership of the Ebon Blade and the Argent Crusade, and together, they hope to bring the Lich King to justice. That's all well and good, but because this storyline has gotten so out-of-hand ridiculous, I could really care less. Tirion with his silly tournament and Darion with is “boo-hoo, papa, I mees you,” lameness, /scoff. You both are wussy. Saurfang should head The Ashen Verdict. Hell, he should own everything. He's so bad ass, they should just rename the faction as “Where's My Son, You Fucking Assholes.” The WMSYFAs have some really good rewards, but since this list focuses on what a warlock could get without setting foot in a raid, we'll have to ignore the sweet ring you get, Ashen Band of Destruction, which is obtainable at friendly reputation with them. It can be upgradeable, but that's neither here nor there. What our concern will be is the tailoring patterns. At honored and revered, tailors can get patterns that mean tasty epics for us, and more than likely in the next month or so you'll see these gracing the AH for mean prices. If you got the gold to drop, check these out. I'll be listing the patterns, as it shows what is also required to craft the item, if you, my reader, were interested on how to make them.

The Ashen Verdict Reputation Tailoring Patterns
Honored
Pattern: Sandals of Consecration
Pattern: Deathfrost Boots

Revered
Pattern: Lightweave Leggings
Pattern: Leggings of Woven Death

Now the semi-obsolete filler. This is pulled directly from my old post, Gearing through heroics; of emblems, drops, and reputation for 3.2. Below are all the epics that come from the heroics you're running, reputation rewards from the Northrend factions, Trial of the Champion Normal and Heroic, and all of the Emblem Vendors' items you could want. Remember that Emblems can be downgraded to the lower rank of Emblem. Frost can be traded for Triumph, Triumph can be traded for Conquest, Conquest for Valor, and Valor for Heroism.

Trial of the Champion

Normal
Belt of the Churning Blaze
Bindings of the Wicked
Handwraps of Surrendered Hope
Mantle of Inconsolable Fear
Leggings of the Haggard Apprentice
The Confessor's Binding
Signet of Purity
Brilliant Hailstone Amulet

Heroic
Spectral Kris
Boots of the Crackling Flame
Gaze of the Unknown
Embrace of Madness
Kurisu's Indecision
Sinner's Confession

Heroic Boss Drops

Ahn'kahet: The Old Kingdom - Wand of Ahn'kahet
Azjol-Nerub - Sash of the Servant and Rod of the Fallen Monarch
Culling of Stratholme - Band of Guile
Drak'Tharon Keep - Overlook Handguards
Halls of Lightning - Woven Bracae Leggings
The Nexus - Gloves of Glistening Runes
The Oculus - Cuffs of Winged Levitation
Utgarde Keep - Annhylde's Ring
Utgarde Pinnacle - Girdle of Bane
The Violet Hold - Azure Cloth Bindings

Emblems of Conquest Gear

Evoker's Charm, 19 Emblems
Sash of Potent Incantations, 28 Emblems
Touch of the Occult, 28 Emblems
Legwraps of the Master Conjurer, 39 Emblems
Breastplate of the Wayward Conqueror for Conqueror's Deathbringer Robe, 58 Emblems
Crown of the Wayward Conqueror for Conqueror's Deathbringer Hood, 58 Emblems

Emblems of Valor Gear

Wraps of the Astral Traveler, 60 Emblems
Xintor's Expeditionary Boots, 40 Emblems
Slippers of the Holy Light, 40 Emblems
Band of Channeled Magic, 25 Emblems
Disguise of the Kumiho, 25 Emblems
Legplates of the Lost Conqueror for Valorous Plagueheart Leggings, 75 Emblems
Mantle of the Lost Conqueror for Valorous Plagueheart Shoulderpads, 60 Emblems

Emblems of Heroism Gear

Plush Sash of Guzbah, 40 Emblems
Ward of the Violet Citadel, 25 Emblems
Handbook of Obscure Remedies, 25 Emblems
Encircling Burnished Gold Chains, 25 Emblems
Sundial of the Exiled, 40 Emblems
Chestguard of the Lost Conqueror for Heroes' Plagueheart Robe, 80 Emblems
Gloves of the Lost Conqueror for Heroes' Plagueheart Gloves, 60 Emblems

Reputation Rewards

Exalted with Argent Crusade - Signet of Hopeful Light
Exalted with Kirin Tor - Robes of Crackling Flame
Exalted with Ebon Blade - Belt of Dark Mending
Exalted with Wyrmrest Accord - Sandals of Crimson Fury

That's all of them. Every purple you could want, my warlocky friend, using just the LFG System and running heroics. Hope your runs go well, may you be blessed with quick groups and no douchbags! Have fun out there, and remember, cool guys don't look at explosions.

The WoW Year in Review

What's this crap, Jaedia, I don't update often enough?! Fine. Every other day, if I can help it, there will be a post, even tiny ones without the cool screenshots. Just because I don't understand Twitter doesn't mean I don't think about WoW constantly; you just don't know about it. So The Lazy Sniper tagged me, and I think I might have to tag some people too, but I have no idea who is following me. So for those of whom I do know that follow me, I'm tagging Hydra at Almost Evil and Saresa at Destructive Reach. Anyone else can post as well, and should, and tag some more people too!

What did you do in the World of Warcraft in 2009 that you’d never done before?

RPing. Never thought I'd get into it, but I do thoroughly enjoy it. While you'll never see me RP on my home server, you'll very more than likely see it happen on other RP servers I've recently become part of. There will be posts in the future about all my adventures, mostly concentrating on my hunter, Kosei.

What was your favorite new place that you visited?

I really enjoyed a lot of the activities with the Argent Tournament. I dig the rewards, the dailies offer a lot of variety, the jousting is really cool, the instance is quick and fun, and the raid is really challenging. Although, from a lore standpoint, I have a severely hard time justifying its presence soundly, but that's a completely different concern entirely.

What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

Sound conflict. I'm a lore geek, and not once this entire year have I seen anything that makes sense. I have yet to post about my disagreements with the game's story since I started this blog, and the recent problems on the class forums with Ghostcrawler and the community are keeping me from doing so as of late; it'll feel as though I'm just griping if I speak passionately and without thought, so when I've gathered my faculties without seeming like a QQ-tard, then I'll be replying on the subject. For now, in response to this part of the meme, I'd like to see things make sense within the lore and the story. Currently, there isn't a lot of assured steps being taken, things feel thrown together, and I'd very much like to see something written well. I'll elaborate on this topic soon. Or you can just invite me to your vent and I'll go on a long tirade about all the shit I have problems with.

What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Actually getting off my ass to do Loremaster, and I'm so damn close, too. Before the New Year, the damn achievement is going to be finished.
Also, my Violet Proto-Drake. Big scores on that as well.

What was your biggest failure?

Letting drama get to me. On occasions, you can't help be part of shit going down, but thankfully, all that mess has blown over. Less stress in the game, and honestly, there really shouldn't be any. It's a damn game. Too many people get hung up on silly things.

What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Lore debates. When someone on a vent somewhere would be like, “Hey, random-statement-on-lore-base-shit-that-isn't-accurate-at-all,” I'd jump on their ass. We'd have at it, especially the whole Garrosh v. Thrall or Thrall v. Varian debate. It's funny how there are contemporary stereotypes in the community on factions and faction leaders, backgrounds and stories, and people really don't know about the story they play in.

What do you wish you’d done less of?
Stressing about gear. While this game is very driven towards what you've got and what it looks like, it's also what you can do and how you do it. People tend to forget that. Even I did. I was swepted up in that bullshit of “hey man, Ulduar's coming and you gotta run Naxx out the ass to get ready for it,” or “Dammit! Didn't even get all of my T8 and now the Tournament raid is coming? We gotta hurry!” Fuck that noise. I'd rather just get it when I can, no rush, so I'm not pressured. I'd like to roll with the homies, yeah, but you shouldn't be gauged by what you're wearing, just what you can push yourself to do with what you've got.

What was your favorite WoW blog or podcast?
My favorite WoW blog is actually a WoW-themed comic, Looking For Group. I really like to laugh, and while there is a good amount of blogs that make me chuckle on occasion, most of the time it's srsbiz. I like to get on my reader or check out sites about the game and know that people have a sense of humor.

Tell us a valuable WoW lesson you learned in 2009.

Class balancing debates are moot; quit QQing about how you're nerf'd or someone else is buffed, it's a roller coaster of extremely complex mechanics. How long has D&D been going on and it's still imbalanced? Roll with the punches. Stop whining. The fact that you can't adapt means that Darwin was right and you'll be the first to go, still crying as the strongest eats you alive. There is no status quo. Change is the only constant.

Acetaminophen and Caffeine: Ears are ringing, pugging, and my new house

Sonamabitch, I haven't been to a club in a while. I need to get out more. My ears are still ringing, my lower back feels like puddy, and I'm pretty sure I'm missing my left eye. Shit, that music was awesome.

So who's loving the new LFG system? Cassandri kind of does, but not entirely.

I fucking love it. I've been fairly slutty with it. Oath has gotten two new T9 pieces through it, Oneironaut got one new piece of T9 a few days ago as well, and hell, I've been leveling Qi with it and it's been working out really well.

In Emberstorm battlegroup, seems that most tanks are DKs and paladins, and they all have over 40k health. The average DPS runs about 3k, the most I've seen without AOE was 5.8k, single target, from a warrior. Healing is a yawnfest, and Oneironaut has felt it too, as the tanks are ridiculously well to do. Only in the new instances have I, or any other healer I've been with, had some trouble. I have had only ONE bad group. Seriously. I'm so amazed at the knowledge in a general scope of players in my battlegroup. The one bad run was Occulus, naturally, and there were three people in the group who'd never been there. It was the first time with the new system that I have had to give instructions. Most of the time its “hey, hi, hello,” then a silent and ridiculously fast run. When everything is dead, everyone says “thanks for group, great job, see ya,” and that's it. The system is up for nigh on a week, it's sound and efficient, and I am severely impressed.

Another thing I noticed is an armor proficiency spectrum. I'm not sure if this was implemented in the game deliberately, but I've not been in a group that hasn't had at least a cloth wearer, a plate, and either a leather or mail user. Hypothetically, this would be me, as my warlock, a paladin tank, a DK DPS, a hunter, and a druid healing. Next pug is a priest healing, my warlock, rogue, elemental shaman, warrior tanking. The diversity in each group is really amazing and is implemented well. I'm drinking less in the afternoon because of it.

Enchanting mats come out of these things like a smashed-in vending machine. While suckers are buying my infinite dust at 5-7g a piece, the dust stock continues to rain down from the heavens in the pug groups. I have so many dream shards, I built a house outside of Orgrimmar.



Blogs to write in the week:
~ Kosei meets someone new
~ 3.3 lock gear, update epic gear list
~ Fresh 80's do what now?
~ Alignment, damn, wish we had it

Stay safe, drink lots, and remember, if she doesn't drop the pants today, just wait until the instance unlocks and try again tomorrow.