Monday, November 23, 2009

The Search for Ezthree: My Road to Pilgrim's Bounty

First, thanks to my great friend IRL, Rawq, for fixing my computer! You rawq my socks off. Har har har. That was lame.

I am an achievement whore, and with the advent of Pilgrim's Bounty, I had found something that sated my carnal needs and rewarded me with only the sticky goodness keystrokes and mouse-clicks can give: an adventure and a turkey. This blog post is so damn hot right now, I'm about to bust a holiday chestnut (roasting on an open fire) up in this bitch.

I had completed a vast majority of the achievements required for Pilgrim and was left only to do Turkey Lurkey. My faction's rogues weren't so hard to find, obviously, but trying to find Alliance rogues proved to be a challenge at 4 in the morning. Perhaps I should have waited a day, but when I am so damn close, I'm bending that sexy minx of an achievement over and spanking it until she knows who's whose daddy (told you this blog post was hot).

So how do I find an Alliance rogue? PVP. Yeah. They're usually in there. I queued up. After about three really fast AVs (sorry, no screenshots) wherein I tried really hard to go south and not north and died quite a bit in the process, I managed to tag a human and a night elf. Halfway to my goal and not wanting anymore beatings (as if it would have been different had I tried to fight back), I sat outside the Silver Enclave to see if I could catch a dwarf or a gnome.

Well, I'm patient. I can wait.

Had that shit bound to 1. I'll get you, rogue.

After about 15 minutes of patient waiting, I saw a dwarf in my periphery heading to the right-hand doorway of the Silver Enclave, so I took aim and fired, tagging him as he went around the corner. I was one rogue away from delicious achievements, so now was the time to hunt the little man down.

I ran around Dalaran some more before I realized that it was getting near dawn IRL, and perhaps I should find a way to expedite the situation before I keel over in exhaustion. I signed on to my Alliance toon and ran a search.

Ouch, that many gnomes on and only two rogues? I guessed I should have counted myself lucky at that time in the morning on a medium population server. Like Sherlock, I made an assessment: Tuckie in Dun Morogh wasn't going to cut it; a level 1 character could sign off while I was in transit to him, so Ezthree was my gnome. I hopped back on Oath, bound for the Wetlands.

That'll make finding the little bugger a little easier.

I took a flightpath from UC to Arathi. At this point you may be wondering, “Oathy, darling, what makes you think that gnome won't sign off? What makes you think he'll still be in the Wetlands when you get there? You know, that's a big place, sweetheart, a macro is useful, but do you think spamming it while traveling the length and breadth of the zone will warrant success? You could have whispered him on your Alliance toon to make it easier on yourself, my dear.”

First, you're creeping me out with all the terms of endearment. KNOCK IT OFF. I was only assuming Ezthree wouldn't sign off, since he was in the Wetlands at level 31, he was most likely questing. If he was questing, then he wouldn't be leaving the zone. The Wetlands, like any other zone, is a really big place, and finding Ezthree would be like finding a needle in Varian's pubes (it'd be difficult, because we all know Varian's pubes are legendary for their prickliness and needle-like quality). I wasn't going to spam the macro all over the zone, that's just foolish. It made more sense to spam it in certain areas of the zone where points of interests are. Finally, whispering? Seriously? Where's the fun of that? Did Captain Ahab tell Moby Dick, “Hey whale, you wait right the fuck there, and I'll come to you, kill you, and reattach my leg”? No, sucka. He very well did not do that. I hunt my game like a good hunter...err, warlock.

I took the journey south to the Wetlands, spamming my macro only when I passed encampments of NPCs, small buildings, or hovels. I headed west, figuring that my first main objective was Menethil Harbor. If he was anywhere first, he had to be at the Alliance stronghold. I get to the gates, making note that the guards were only level 42, so I ran by with no intent on killing anyone. My macro grabbed Ezthree almost immediately, and instinctively I stopped and started whipping the camera around to see where the target circle was. In whipping the camera around, I accidentally ran into a house and aggro'd the family within, who yelled for guards, who came to greet me with stern looks of disapproval. Dammit, Menethil Harbor is like Goldshire: there's spawn guards. It got to the point where I could not have ignored the guards, so I fought back, but as they would fall, more would spawn. At this point, Ezthree came out to see what all the ruckus was about outside, no doubt hearing the strident calls of pain, as I am known to leave in my wake, both on the battlefield and in the bed. Scandalous!

I politely asked him to wait while I killed those who sought to protect him. I wasn't going to hurt the little guy, I only wanted to shoot him with my turkey gun. Eventually I quelled the threat of guards and lead little Ezthree to the bridge outside, beckoning him to follow. He did, and when I knew it was safe, I took aim and gave him a face full of feathers.

WOO! Good prey! Good hunt!

He came up to me after I had turned him into a turkey. I hugged him and thanked him, and he jumped up and down and spun around a bit.

Later on, I had thanked him on my Alliance character, but he didn't respond. Safe to say, he might have been a new player, so this might have been interesting experience for him.

Happy with my achievement, I headed back to Dalaran to celebrate.

It seemed I was not the only one with it, as there were a few Alliance players outside Silver Enclave with their titles and turkeys out. So we celebrated with fireworks.

To all my American readers, Happy Thanksgiving! To everyone else, I hope the start of this holiday season finds you in good spirits!

I'm thankful for gnome rogues shaped like turkeys and curvy ladies.


Anea said...

This, friends, show dedication!

Grats on your achievement and pet!

Cyrus said...

I saw that status last night. Grats again. Also, I really enjoy writing. Cheers!