Sunday, December 27, 2009

Acetaminophen and Caffeine: Effing Zhevra

Two A&C's in a row? Bad Oathy. I'll be sure to get a flogging for it later. The sexy kind of flogging. Mhmm.

So Loremaster is becoming more of a reality for me as I have been working on it quite diligently in the last few days. Things I've noticed:

Escort quests in Vanilla WoW can go on for a LONG DAMN TIME.

The Grimtotem Tribe are assholes.

The in game quest helper is really really helpful to an extent (I've never used a quest helper before, I just look stuff up on wowhead or wowwiki). I found mobs I needed on a different part of the map that the quest helper did not indicate. Save for a few snags, it's a really well done system integrated into the game.

The Venture Company are assholes.

The Horde, generally as a whole, really just want to get on their feet. They're not wholly concerned with extremely large concepts of bureaucracy and the balancing of power like the Alliance are with most of their quests. All they really want is just the chance to survive.

The Alliance are really bored on my realm. I'll be questing in a low level area and then I'll hear of a town being attacked. I head over and there's a level 80, poorly geared, wasting away at level 40 guards. Really? That's how you get your rocks off? K, buddy. I'll be in Astranaar bending over your night elf women. Eye for an eye, biatch. Oh, is that you, silly warrior, showing up on the horizon? The same warrior who thought he was a badass, killing my quest givers that I needed to give this oil and rope to? Well I've oiled up this purple-haired vixen, tied her down, and she don't sound like she wants me to stop. She's got so many dots on her face she's gonna go blind!


The Alliance are assholes.

I especially hate drop rates on body parts. You know and hate those fucking quests (if you love them, you are NOT my friend). “Gather up these intestines for me, I want to make a pie.” “It'd really give this potion a kick if I had these snouts.” “I need eyes, lots of motherfucking eyes.”

Blizzard ought to make mobs and creatures reflect the body parts they're missing. If I'm hunting wyverns for ears, make the ones who don't have ears look like they haven't got ears, so I know to skip them.

I go out there, I find the mob the guy wants, let's say a zhevra, and I cast a shadowbolt. The damn thing goes flying, end over end, skipping on the grown every so often like a pebble on a calm lake, only to slam into a tree off in the distance. I take a look at the body, needing one of its hooves, seeing that I've obliterated all of them. Okay, note for later, don't use shadowbolt.

I find another zhevra. I cast death coil; the lights in its eyes go out. I can see, feel, and hear the sheer terror rending through the animal's mind, as it screams and bucks in fitful convulsions, only to crumple to the ground in a mass of horror-filled flesh. I walk up to it, it's face contorted like a bad Japanese fright flick, and as I look at its feet, it seems the hooves have recessed into the legs. The damn zhevra was so scared its hooves when up into the ankles. Shit. Fucking. Asshole. Second note: death coil doesn't work. Third time's a charm.

Zhevra. Corruption. The animal feels something is amiss, and angered by my presence, charges. Before it even has a chance to retaliate, it falls to the grown, heaving its chest fitfully, and then suddenly expires, breathing its last. I go for the hooves, plainly visible on its legs. I attempt to pry one off with my dagger, but no give. I don't stack strength. This is bullshit. I aim my hand down and begin casting incinerate. Wait, no, best not to cook the damn thing. I start hacking away at the knee, and after about fifteen minutes of work, I get ONE hoof. Fuck the other three, I'll just look for a zhevra with a limp.

1 comment:

Tim said...

I've had the same feelings about "kill X and get me Y part" since the game came out. Why do I need to kill 15 murlocs to get 4 eyes?? Shouldn't I just have to kill 2??

Horray Blizzard!